Bared Fangs

My friends know that for all my tough demeanour, I am actually a pretty harmless and non-confrontational person. Compared to Phoenix who would give the ah-beng salesmen at Lucky Plaza her toughest 'you-don't-think-you-are-chao-ah-beng-therefore-you-can-take-advantage-of-me' tirade, I am honestly a rather mild and harmony-preserving person at heart.

But I have my fangs too.

I especially hate it when people mistake my kindness for weakness. Doppy has been at the receiving end of my temper a number of times when he mistook my love for him as my weakness and took advantage of it (albeit he claims, most unknowingly).

And so it was with this particular housing agent of mine.

If you are not aware yet, we have been putting up our flat for sale since mid-late September. The housing agent in question was recommended by one of doppy's friends and thus we kinda trusted him implicitly.

His first showing was pretty good. He arranged for a total of 6 viewings a day and we were kinda hopeful that someone would make us an offer. However, the week went by with nary a sound. Subsequently, there were also hardly anyone who seemed keen on our place.

Then came the collapse of Lehman Brothers and the entire world is talking about economic crisis and an impending recession. Construction work in Singapore has slowed down, there are talks of cutting cost by cutting head counts, jobs are lost, and overnight, there are people who are gathering at Hong Lim Speakers' Corner to see if they have a case against DBS bank for mis-selling them structured products that they did not understand or did not suit their risk profiles. (This para is to update our overseas readers on the situation this tiny red dot.)

And it was against this background that doppy and I began to fear that if we do not sell our flat before December, we would need to revalue our flat and the valuation would most probably go down. Since we were not really greedy to begin with, we decided that it would be prudent for us to lower our asking price as it was quite obvious that the market belonged to the buyers.

And the moment we told our agent that we were willing to lower our asking price, he miraculously got an offer. To make matters worse, this person who was making us an offer was someone who we did not lay eyes upon for that day when the viewing took place, we were out and only F was at home. The agent offered us a price that was $2k below what we were prepared to accept and he kept harassing doppy for a firm answer. I am talking about 10min apart phone calls to try to hard-sell us the deal. I was a little reluctant to close the deal so quickly cos I reasoned with doppy that his commission was twice my monthly salary and I put up with much more shit at work and do a hell out more to earn my monies than merely showing people a flat. I felt that he ought to have done more to get us the price we want especially since we were not really being unreasonable about it. Being my usual cynical and doubting self, I also wondered aloud to doppy whether he was manipulating us and playing on our fears to make us drop our asking price before showing our place to genuine buyers. This feeling was further reinforced when I found out from F that the buyer did not come with an agent and was instead a direct buyer. This meant that our agent would not only earn commission from the us for the sale of our place but also from the buyer. Obviously, this would also indicate a conflict of interest as he would be representing both the buyer and the seller. But I chose to give him the benefit of a doubt and said that as long as he got us the price we want for our place, we would go ahead with the deal. So after much ding-ding-dong-dongs, the deal was finally closed at the price we wanted.

He rushed us to sign the option to purchase and honestly, it was only upon hindsight that we realised we should have smelt something fishy as the interested buyer only put down a $200 deposit. However at that time, he told us that it was pretty much a done deal as the buyer would have no problem obtaining a loan.

All that took place over the weekend and doppy and I were glad that we got the entire flat business off our mind. Though some of our friends commented that they thought we had let go of our flat a little too easily, doppy and I were of the mindset that we would not be able to predict how the market would go in the next couple of months and we did not want to take the risk and worry over the sale for a few more months. So we were happy with the deal we made and thought that was the end of the matter.

Come Tuesday, the agent informed doppy that he was showing our flat to buyers still. And that was when the story spilled. Apparently the buyer would not be able to afford a bank loan if her application for a HDB loan was rejected. She was buying under the single's scheme and the income cap for a HDB loan (since it is offered at a lower interest rate than bank loans) was $3k. Her gross salary was $3,250 and it would be difficult for her to obtain a HDB loan. A bank loan would require her to come up with 5% cash and combined with the cash value that we were asking above our valuation, she would have to fork out about 10% cash of the sale price. And this 10% cash was money that she did not have.

I was really unhappy when I heard the news. This was especially so since we signed the option to purchase which technically gave the buyer 2 weeks to sort out her financial matters and all but which meant that technically for 2 weeks, we were contractually and legally bound to not put our place up for sale till the option to purchase ran its course and it was not exercised. To compound matters, our agent wanted us to sign an exclusive rights with him when he brought us the papers to sign cos he said that since the deal was done, signing the exclusive with him was merely to help him maintain a good record which his company was fussy about. By this time, my aunt also told me that she knew an agent who charged only a 1% commission compared to the 2% that my agent charges. Needless to say, I was a most unhappy client.

The straw that broke the camel's back came when our agent informed us that the buyer was intending to forfeit the $200 deposit as she did not think that she could truly afford the place. I was truly riled by then and my unhappiness had developed into a sense of anger and frustration. Unfortunately for the agent, he chose to ring doppy to explain the situation when I was with him taking our dinner at the hawker centre. He then had the gall to ask doppy if we could lower our asking price further cos he might just be able to get us an offer if we do.

I took over the phone and really gave him a piece of my mind. I stated uncategorically that I was not happy with his service and told him that I could not help but felt that we were manipulated in this entire transaction. I told him that I was not happy with the way he only provided information to us on a need-to-know basis and with every new development, it appeared that he was only looking out for his own interest and not ours. Then he started to give me stories of how he was also not aware of all the information and he had already kept us in the loop at the earliest available moment. I was major pissed with him and told him that I did not care for his stories since they were now all water under the bridge.

After a most stern diatribe from me, I told him that I would lay my cards straight with him. 1. I would only lower my asking price if he would cut his commission. 2. I would not give exclusive rights to him as I could not trust him. 3. I want to see the option to purchase torn up in front of me. 4. I fully intend to go to other agents to get them to sell my place.

After much bargaining to no avail with me, he finally gave in and was willing to take a lower commission in return for a lower selling price for the 2nd intended buyer. 5 minutes later he rang back to say that the buyer had not enough monies and was merely asking for the price for fun. You can imagine how tired and upset I was by then and I was totally cold towards him. After a feeble attempt at convincing me that he was still confident about selling our place and asking us to reconsider giving him exclusive rights, He dared not have a sustained conversation with me and hung up at the first opportunity he had.

Apparently my talking-to to him had an effect. This weekend, he managed to get another 4 - 5 viewings set up. And today, apparently one of the interested parties is coming back for a second viewing.

I hope that something could come out of this.

Sigh.

What a weekend is like when you become parents

For all intents and purposes, the previous weekend is our first one flying solo (is there another phrase that conveys the same meaning?) as parents. Previously, we had our confinement lady with us and we did not really have to assume parental responsibilities full time.

And so on Saturday, we decided to take F on her orientation programme at my aunt's house and also to begin to set up xp's second home. After the usual routine of bathing, feeding and burping him (all of which was done by F), we spent about 45min packing the things we need to take to my aunt's place and the baby bag that was to last xp's excursion for the afternoon. This was also doppy's first time experiencing taking xp out without our confinement lady's help and capable stewardship and he was surprised at how long it took us to get out of the house.

We arrived at my aunt's place at around 1.30pm and immediately got to work in setting up xp's second home. Doppy unpacked the playpen and went about converting it into a bed for xp. I took care of the other baby paraphernalia such as setting up the milk-making station and bottles sterilisation corner. By the time we were done placing everything and xp was exploring his new environment from his new bed, it was 3.30pm. We then decided to let F fly solo on her own at with my grandma and we scooted off to Expo for the Robinson and Motherhood (or so I thought) sale.

When we got to Expo, we went for a quick bite at the foodcourt where the food prices astounded me once again. I paid $9 for two bowls of noodles and $5 for three drinks. Doppy was once again bemused at my reaction and took the opportunity to rib me about how I had lost touch with the outside world. After our expensive and not exactly satisfying meal, we went in search of the Motherhood sale thinking we could pick up some stuff that we would need a second set of for xp's stay at my aunt's place. Alas, I had apparently remembered the date wrongly and the event was to be held on the following weekend! We ended up at the Popular sale instead where doppy and I picked up 2 books at unbelievable bargain prices.

An interesting resource file that I picked up for $9.90!

Can you believe that doppy got this for $4.90 with an additional 20% discount no less?

We then proceeded to Robinson's sale where we finally got a new bedding set (yes, yes, we have survived on one set of bed-linen since our marriage. It's called the wonders of a dryer which allows you to wash and dry your entire bed-linen in 3 hours flat!), some porcelain soup spoons to replace the broken or missing ones in our drawers and baby sunblock for xp (even in shopping, he's constantly on my mind) amongst other things. When we were done at Robinson, doppy tried to tempt me with an evening out in town but the call of our son was stronger as I was afraid that we did not pack enough milk powder for him to last him for his feeds. And so it was back to my aunt's place we went to pick xp and F up before heading back home to take our dinner and turn in for the night. And this was only at 7.30pm on a Saturday night! In our not-so-distant days of couplehood, we would have only been meeting up with friends for dinner and movie in town. Now that we are parents and I have to do the graveyard shift (and the word 'graveyard' has taken on an entire new meaning for me. I literally feel like I want to drop dead and die on some nights!), we had to settle for a takeout dinner at home and hit the sack earlier as we had planned on taking xp to the park early Sunday morning.

Park, you ask, did you say park? Doppy? Go to the park? Where there is sun and other parents with their annoying children and prams? Yep, that's right. Doppy is a changed man now. If you recall, the last time doppy voluntarily proposed walking in a park, it resulted in a marriage proposal. Ever since then, he has never mooted the idea again. But now that he is a father, I think he's thinking of more wholesome activities for xp that would allow him to explore of the world that we live in.

And so it was on a Sunday morning that milord actually roused from his sleep at 9am! Sundays are typically sleep-in days for doppy and even when I was pregnant, I had to resort to beg for half an hour or so and promise favours of certain kind to make him wake up to take brunch (not breakfast, mind you!) with me. Now, he gamely jumps out of bed at the prospect of taking our son to the park. We thought of taking xp to West Coast Park where we could enjoy our cuppa while he takes in the natural air.

However, it occurred to me that 1. our son is an air-con baby and as excited as his father might be about the park, our dear son might not take to the heat so well and 2. West Coast Park MacDonald's is sheer madness on a Sunday morning and we are going to have trouble negotiating a pram around. We did not intend to take F with us partly because we want some family time alone and partly because I think she also needs some time away from xp to do her chores and regain her sanity. Hence, it was of vital importance that we venture out with xp to a place where he would be sufficiently comfortable so that he would not make a fuss and where we would be able to handle him.

Thus I counter proposed that we take xp to Vivocity where the aisles are wide enough for strollers and the place family-oriented enough for shoppers not to give us dirty looks should xp decides to howl. We spent close to 2 hours at Coffeebean and Tea Leaves taking our breakfast and reading the papers with xp in tow and we managed to change his diapers, feed him successfully (i.e. he did not vomit!) and prevented him from becoming too big a public nuisance. At the end though, doppy still did not manage to finish his coffee and I did not manage to finish reading the papers too. Though Xp was far from being the perfect baby as he did fuss a little when he wanted to sleep (there were many I saw, the ones who were contended in just lie in their prams and take everything in!), he was sufficiently good for us to survived our trip. We even went to Toys'rus for his dad to get a rattle to 'zhng' his pram. It is really so easy to just keep buying toys for the little tyke. I had to consciously tell myself that at this stage, he would outgrow 0 mths+ toys very quickly and we should not be buying too expensive or too many toys for him.

After taking him home and handing him over to F, we headed out again for our very late tunch at IMM where I promised doppy that we would pick up a couple of dvds to make up for missing Narnia with him (we had to give away the free tics he got for donating blood! :( as I did not want to make it a habit to keep leaving xp with F as and when we wanna go out). After our brief shopping trip, we came home and doppy decided that he wanted to watch Appleseed Ex Machina. Surprisingly, it was an anime that I enjoyed very much too. Perhaps it was because it was a Hollywood production and produced by John Woo and we had a hoot of a time identifying the scenes that were Woo's signature style. After anime, we broke for dinner which was dumplings that I bought from IMM and then we popped in another dvd, Mission Impossible, into the player. By the time the show ended, it was 11pm. Time for bed again.

And that was how our weekend flew us by. We went from folks who used to hang out in town and catch all the latest shows to stay-at-home uncle and auntie who watch reruns on TVs and old movies on DVDs. Can't say that we have gotten used to it yet as there were still times when we catch ourselves thinking if we could afford to go and 'modern' in town. Doppy said that it was me who could not bear to be apart from xp. Truth be told, I just did not want to give him over entirely to F for I would be extremely upset if he grows to be more attached to her than to me. Strangely though, the fathers (not just doppy, but most fathers) do not seem to have this fear or concern. They seem to take it for granted that the moment the little tyke is able walk and talk, they would naturally gain the tyke's affection as they would be playing with him/her. Perhaps it is the fact that he came from my body and I was the one who had carried him for 9 months. The thought that he would prefer another woman to me is unbearable. And bonds could only be built if we were to spend time together. And that is why no matter how difficult it is to care for him at night and how much I wish at times to just ask F to take care of him at night too, I remain stubbornly insistent that I would care for him at night. For that would be the only time come the time I go back to work when I would be able to hold him and cuddle him for a while and rain kisses on him.

I think I have rambled on enough. Come Saturday, xp would be going for his immunisation jabs. Stay tuned to read about our experience. :)

Flying Solo

Yes, that's right. Our confinement lady left us on 28 May 08 (Wednesday) morning and the mmf are now officially flying solo with the entire parenting business.

First up is what doppy calls 'a GOOD problem'. Our help, F, is wonderful with xp, so much so she's just about the only one who can soothe him when he makes a fuss. :( I went through a bout of 'what-kinda-shitty-useless-mother-am-I' yesterday after spending a day caring for xp with her. The whole of yesterday, I was more like the help and F the mother. I was the one running around getting the bottles ready, warming up the milk, preparing the bed etc etc while she was the one carrying him and soothing him. :( It is not for the lack of trying that I did not get to carry my own son. Every time he fussed, I tried to calm him down. But he simply refused to pipe down in my arms. The moment F carried him though, he would stop crying. Being persistent, I observed what exactly it was that she did and tried to replicate it. But nothing fooled the little one. Perhaps it was my fault because I was too anxious about F not coping without the confinement lady and having to be on her own. Thus for the first month or so, I virtually left the caring of the baby to her to make sure that I could trust her to be alone with xp when I go back to work. I think this has backfired on me cos now, xp truly prefers her to doppy or me. :( The silver lining in the cloud is that our help seems to care for him genuinely and doesn't mind taking care of him. I think she's beginning to develop affection for him (and him, her) and would see to his every need ungrudgingly. She has sayanged xp to sleep so many times that she can almost hum the entire nursery rhyme CD that Phoenix gave us. According to our confinement lady, she even sings to xp in Tagalog! Oh well, as doppy tried to console me, this is a GOOD problem. At the very least I know that xp is in good hands when I do eventually go back to work and he would not be balling his eyes or yelling his lungs out. I just got to come to terms with myself that I am not as good as my help in meeting his needs. Sigh...

On a more positive note, last night was the best I had with xp. :) I managed to feed him on time (of course my muscles complained this morning from the vigorous workout I gave them last night from sitting up very quickly) and changed his diaper without him breaking out in his howl. We had a relatively quiet night till 6am in the morning which was quite a feat for me for I had never been able to achieve that! I had needed my confinement lady's help every single night he slept with me in the first week so inevitably, I would do something wrong or not fast enough and she would need to intervene to stop him from howling the entire block of flats down. I think last night was God's way of consoling me and telling me that I am not that sucky a mother. As long as I am willing to sacrifice my sleep (I only had a shut-eye from 11 plus to 2am and then from 3am - 4.30am before passing him over to F and catching up on my sleep from 6.45am - 8.45am) and have it interrupted, I could still care for him at night. Poor doppy though is not as 'strong' as me. The moment he loses too much sleep or has his sleep interrupted once too many times, he would wake up with his nose bleeding. Lucky for xp, one of his parents is used to burning the midnight oil to rush her assignments at the eleventh hour or to study for a test that she had not prepared for and thus going without sleep did not have much effect on her. Two bottles of chicken of essence early in the morning helps too, I guess. :)

A somewhat (ir)relevant point just occurred to me. I am so glad that other people could not really look into my house as these days, I am usually sitting and walking around topless with just my bra on. It is so darn troublesome to express milk or to breastfeed with a T-shirt and the weather is so freaking hot and since F has already seen me topless, I figured that it was so much more practical to go topless and just wear my nursing bra. Some of you at this paragraph might be going, TMI!!!! and WTF is the point of this paragraph. Well, my point is, it is important to choose a unit that gives you your privacy and not have other people look into your home. And ... I am glad that I insisted on this same condition when we were scouting for our new home. So yes, we chose a unit that faces the AYE which is not the most ideal of choices but the privacy it affords me makes the trade-off worth it. :)

Back to our parenting adventures. Tomorrow is a big step for me. I am going to take xp out on my own to IKEA! Well ... actually not quite on my own lah. I managed to coerce or rather bribe PJ to pick me up with the promise of a free Swedish lunch for her daughter and her. And F of course has no choice but to go with me. Nevertheless, we are venturing out of the meowmeow litter without the alpha male tomcat to protect us. It shall also be xp's first experience in the stroller that we bought donkey years ago! I hope that xp would not bring the store down with his cries and be blacklisted by IKEA.

So stay tuned for more adventures of the mmf! :)

The party was in his honour ...

but he slept through it blissfully.

His folks were awake since 0800hr (which was a feat for his dad on a Sunday) to prepare for the big day.

First to arrive was actually his grand aunt as she arrived earlier to cut his hair symbolically. His confinement lady could not bear to shave him bald on his big day so they only clipped a bit of his hair as a keepsake.

Thereafter, his aunt, his mum's cousin, arrived to coo over him. She insisted that he was the cutest baby on earth and kept snapping away at him with her mobile phone so that she could go to her company to show him off to her colleagues. His mum jokingly remarked to her aunt that her daughter should get herself hitched asap and have her own child soon. She also mentally reminded herself to introduce her to her hubby's single friends when they arrive later.

Then the moment arrived. At 1030hr, his nai-nai and ye-ye arrived. She practically bounced through the door, such was her excitement. She stopped short though when she realised that there were already guests in the house. His mum had forgotten to tell her mil that his grand-aunt would be there earlier to cut his hair. There was a moment of awkward silence as his nai-nai was at a loss of how to introduce the man who stood beside her. His mum saved the day by greeting loudly, 'Mummy! Uncle!'. His dad greeted 'Uncle' and promptly started disappearing into the kitchen.

Now that the initial introduction (and awkwardness) was over, he promptly took the centre-stage. His nai-nai promptly took out her gifts to present them to him. She bought him a gold anklet (which his grandaunt later unceremoniously remarked, 'Chay. It's such a small one. Your great-grandma and I will buy a bigger one for you, k?' All this was said in the presence of his dad no less who merely smiled bemusedly to himself at the hao-lian nature of his mum's teochew relatives) and gave him a red packet too. His nai-nai attempted to wear the anklet for him but she was either too overcome with excitement or had never worn an anklet before for she did not realise that the anklet was designed for one to latch it one at the appropriate length. She put it on for him by latching it from end to end and the anklet ended up dangling on his ankle. After numerous attempts she still did not succeed in wearing it properly on him. Fortunately, there were help at hand and his dad helped him to put on the anklet correctly.

Then the drama unfolded. She promptly wanted to carry the baby and was really excited about holding him in her arms. As this was her first grandchild, her excitement was understandable. His mum, remembering the phonecalls from the few days ago, promptly started cooing to him in her super high-pitched and loud teacher voice which could not be muted, "xxx, you see who have come to see you? It's NAI-NAI and YE-YE orrhhh.... Quick, greet YE-YE and NAI-NAI!!!!" (If at this moment, you are cringing at his mum's sluttiness, you have no right to do so, k? She chooses her battles and knows that there are some that are just not worth fighting over and she might as well put on a good show and make everyone happy.)

And indeed, his nai-nai was so happy that she was grinning from face to face. His mum also heaped appropriate praise of the anklet and took care to remind him that it was bought for him by his nai-nai. All this while, his great grandaunt and aunt were looking on the scene in amazement and trying hard not to turn to each other with incredulous looks. His mum had thrown herself so wholeheartedly into her role that she was oblivious to her surroundings.

His nai-nai then promptly attempt to THRUST him into his ye-ye's arms, all the while repeating ad nauseam, "Ye-ye, you hold him lah. You are finally promoted to the rank of ye-ye leh. Hold him lah, hold him lah."

His mum could not bear to watch any longer and sought escape. His dad came to the rescue with the camera and started snapping away. His mum played along too and promptly posed for pictures. Then it dawned upon her why he was so exuberant about being the photographer. By being the photographer, yes, you guessed it!, he did not have to be in the picture!!!!! His mum felt a sharp stab of betrayal and looked at his dad with incredulous eyes. Alas, he was too busy snapping away to notice the murderous looks that were thrown in his way.

Fortunately, he was a real smart baby. He promptly gave a wail to signal that he wanted his sleep. And so it was back to his cot he went.

His ye-ye also left a few minutes later before the rest of the guests arrived. By this time, his mum and dad were already tired out by the tension and awkwardness and all they wanted to do was wait for their friends to arrive and start enjoying the party.

And what a party it was. He was showered with gifts and hugs abound. Perhaps it was all the festivity that had tired him out but he spent much of his time either nursing at his mum's breast or sleeping. His dad had fun playing the Wii with his friends and his mum also relished the time she had to catch up with some of her friends whom she had not met for some time.

All said and done, it was a great party as his folks felt that they were really blessed with so many people who showered him with so much love and gifts. And so it was, with stuffed stomachs and tired bodies that they all retired to bed that night.

The above recount is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. :)

So don't say I am being mean to my mil hor?! :P

Much Ado About Nothing

Phonecall 1

M: I just want to know if you have ordered the cakes.

L: I've ordered for Sunday's party but haven't placed the order for your colleagues. I thought you can see the cakes on Sunday and tell me which type you like before I order them for you.

M: Oh. What's the cake like ah?

L: *not really sure how to answer that* Err .. cake loh. With ang-ku-kuehs and red eggs. The other one is fruit tarts. I thought let you see which one you want.

M: How many fruit tarts are there in a box?

L: About 6, I think.

M: Oh, like that ah. Then if I give one tart to one person, how many boxes would I need?

L: Err...got give one tart to one person one ah? I thought give one whole box? *the hao-lian teochew girl cannot comprehend how does one give just one tart??!!!*

M: No lah .. if I give a box, then people will feel obliged to give a gift. So I thought, I just give each one one tart.

L: *practical self comes to the fore* Then like that, you don't need to order full month type what. Can just go to any bakery and get a box of tarts.

M: Yeah. That's what I thought too. But like that, people won't know it's for full month, hor?

L: *trying to be helpful* If that's the case, I order one cake for your colleagues lah.

M: Huh? Then like that must cut ah?

L: *in her mind: ABUTHEN?* Yeah.

M: Hmmmm....

L: Else you can just get the tarts from a bakery loh.

M: Nevermind lah .. I will come to your house on Sunday to see the cakes then decide.

L: *.....* Ok

Put down phone. Walked out of the room. Phone rang again.

Phonecall 2

M: Sorry ah .. I just thought to let you know that Uncle xxx will be coming on Sunday.

L: Okie.

M: Then I thought, it's better that we agree on how to address him. What do you all want xp to call him?

L: *huh? but he can't speak yet what.* Err .. what do you think is appropriate?

M: I thought it's better that we agree on a common form of address so that xp will not be confused, you see.

L: *nerves begin to fray a little* But he can't exactly call people yet!

M: *laughs nervously* Yeah lah. But the rest of us when we see him, we will say this is your 'nai-nai' ... so I thought it's better we standardise the form of address.

L: Sure. So how do you want to him to address Uncle xxx?

M: I thought he can call him 'ye-ye'. What do you think?

L: *does she really have a say???* Sure.

M: Anyway, ye-ye is a generic term that children use to address senior citizens but I thought it's better that I ask you first.

L: *really? If it's such a common term, why make such a fuss?* Sure.

M: Then next time when your father comes back with his wife, you all can also teach xp to call them ye-ye and nai-nai.

L: *don't need to rationalise or justify to me lah...* Sure.

M: Then hor, how do you all want him to address doppy's grandparents ah?

L: *WHAT? Gosh. Whatever you want him to call, just say so lah! Stop playing games with me!!!!!* Err .. I thought Zeng-Zu-Fu, Zeng-Zu-Mu. (Great Grandpa, Great Grandma).

M: *laughs condescendingly* Aiyoh. Where got people greet like this one?

L: *don't have meh? Then how come you taught him to address his grandma as Popo instead of Ah-ma???* Oh. Then how should he address them?

M: I thought he can address them in dialect terms lah. Gua-Tai Gong, Gua-Tai-Ma

L: *It really doesn't matter to me!!!!!* Sure.

M: Okie. So he shall call Uncle xxx, Ye-ye ah. Okie. Bye bye.

Put down phone, took in a deep breath and walked away. Phone rang again!!!!!!

Phonecall 3

M: Sorry ah!!!! It's me again.

L: *breathing slightly heavier by now* It's okie.

M: I want to ask you hor, do you think I should buy a gold anklet for xp ah?

L: *WTF??!!! Who am I tell you what you should get????* Err ... up to you loh.

M: You won't let him wear one, right?

L: Huh? Oh. Errr.. not when he's so young lah.

M: But when he grows old, you also won't let him wear, right?

L: *stunned silence*

M: That's why I was thinking,

L: *cuts her short because patience was really running out* Or you can just give him a red packet loh.

M: Yeah.. that was what I thought. Then you can go and buy him whatever you want.

L: Sure. But that day you gave him one liao .. so no need liao lah.

M: No no... must give one. But do you think it's okie if I give him a red packet ah? Or do you think I should buy him an anklet?

L: *silent scream in head: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!!!! WTF????!!! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY???????* *takes in deep breaths* It's up to you lah.

M: Like that ah ... okie loh. Then I will decide ah. Okie ... Bye bye..

A silent ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! emitted silently from her whole body. She told herself to stay calm and preserve her usual zen-ness. But she could not help feeling that she was more concerned about how others would perceive her rather than really caring about the occasion.

But she resolved not to bitch to her friends on that happy occasion and mar it. So she decided the next best thing was to blog about it and get it out of her system.

ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Gosh! My house is filled with sensitive people...

Everyone here knows that the mmf is not exactly the most sensitive of people. I am slightly better than doppy as my level of empathy is higher (due to my literary training) while doppy's level of sensitivity is usually only activated when he realises that I have kept quiet for 10 minutes or more when I explicitly tells him that I am upset with him.

Our son is the complete opposite of us! His lips quiver at the slightest hint of harsh words directed at him. For some strange reason, he seems to understand when we're 'telling him' off. When he fusses and I comment that he's very 'ba-bai', he will immediately burst into tears in protest and need words of praise to be heaped immediately upon him before he will piped down.

And just yesterday, I made my help cry.

Doppy realises that our living room's reading lamp was broken and asked me if our help had accidentally damaged it. I did not know anything about it so after doppy placed the lamp outside our home to be disposed of, I asked F if she knew that the lamp was broken. She said that she merely lifted the lamp up and it came off from the base and I said it was okie but she must let us know when things were broken or damaged in the house. She nodded and replied, 'Yes, mum' and I left it at that and went back to watching telly.

Imagine my shock when I was poo-pooing in the loo and doppy came into the room to tell me that our help went to him with tears brimming in her eyes and told him that she did not mean to break the lamp but she was sorry and we could dock her pay if we want to. Doppy told her it was okie and we did not hold it against her but thought that it was better that I spoke with her after I was done with my business.

So it was with me knocking on her door and entering her room only to see her promptly burst into tears when I merely uttered the question, "F, why are you crying?'!!! Gosh! So I reassured her that we were not blaming her and that accidents happened and we would not dock her pay .. yada yada yada. In between sobs, I managed to make out that she was afraid that we would return her to the agency cos it was only her first month at work and she had already made mistakes. I had to console her and reassure her that it is okie if accidents happen as long as she tells us about them and not leave us to find out for ourselves. She finally calmed down a little and hopefully was reassured by me.

Before you jump to conclusions and thought that I had spoken harshly with her at the first confrontation, I did not. I merely asked her if she toppled the lamp accidentally while she was mopping the floor, that was all. And I swear that I spoke it in a neutral tone. I was so bemused with her reaction that I told doppy, 'Gosh! If I had really given her a scolding, I think she would have dissolved into a puddle of tears'.

So yeah, methinks it's karma. This is God's way of training the mmf yet again to be more sensitive with our words and actions by giving us two people in our household who are not similarly thick-skinned or thick-headed like us both. We resolve to toughen xp up though so that he won't immediately turn on the faucets the moment his insensitive parents speak out of turn or too directly to him. :P

Baby Steps

Nope, I am not referring to XP learning how to walk ... yet. Rather it's the first day that I have experienced some sustained success with breastfeeding!

Since the beginning, XP has no problem latching on to my right boobs as long as we manage to catch him before he is really hungry. The trick is to get him before his real hunger pangs strike him so that he would be contended with my sloooowwww flow.

However, no matter what we did or how we cajole him, he simply refuses to latch on to my left breast. Initially, we attributed it to the non-milk flow as my left boob produces significantly less milk than my right boob does. So we tried to lure him with from the right boob first then give him the left one.

But that didn't quite work.

Then we thought that it was because my left nipple is shorter than my right one (yes, yes, some of you here are reaching new levels with me in our friendship with all these intimate details but motherhood has an amazing way of getting rid of someone's modesty!) and thus it could not reach the back of his mouth for him to suckle well. So I try my damnest to lengthen my nipple by way of expressing and physically TUGGING at it, resorting even to squeezing milk out before he latches on to try to tempt him.

But that didn't work too.

Just as I was going to give up in resignation, our confinement lady wondered, perhaps he only liked lying on one side and not the other. That would explain why he always broke out in tears when I changed the direction and made him suckle on my left breast. So she thought to change my cross-cradle to a football hold so that our silly XP would be tricked into thinking that he was still sucking on the right breast as he was still lying on the same side.

Whether he was really fooled or he was genuinely more comfortable lying on one side of his body than the other, the most important thing was, he latches on now! :) I have managed to successfully breastfeed him thrice today (an ACHIEVEMENT!) and at the last feed, he apparently drank so much of my breast milk that he could not finish his usual formula feed!

So yes! Patience and perseverance indeed pay off and having an experienced confinement lady who is pro-breastfeeding definitely helps! :) She was just sharing with me that she had one mother who had ample breastmilk but for some reason or other, chose to give her baby formula milk instead! And here I am, trying my darnest to get my milk flow going!

So yes, I just want to share my success with everyone and perhaps one day, if some of you are going through the same experience as me, hopefully, this post will serve to encourage you and keep you going!

Keeping my fingers crossed that my milk shall flow faster now and he will continue to latch on tomorrow! :)

P.S. If all I seem to blog about is my baby and my milk, it is because for these few days, that is indeed all that matters. I shall attempt to blog about more intelligent stuff when I regain some of my brain cells, yeah? :)

A Long Overdue Post - Part II

Once again, feel free to skip or skim through this post as it is primarily a post for myself more than for our readers.

The previous post concluded with our stay at the hospital and how appreciative and grateful we are to all the staff at Mt. Alvernia. I am truly glad that I chose this hospital to deliver my baby and honestly, I have nothing but praises for their professionalism and service.

Our first brave step into the outside world with XP took place on 18 April 2008, a Friday. Doppy drove the car round to the reception area to pick us up and by then, XP was beginning to make a fuss. The nursery nurse had accurately assessed that the thirsty little one would require his feed soon and looking at the two hapless parents, she took pity on us and gave us two bottles of formula milk to 'tide us through' in case we needed it.

Throughout the car journey, poor doppy oscillated between a F1 driver and an auntie driving on the left lane on the road. He accelerated in the hope that we could get home soon and attend to the WAILING baby and crawled along when I protest that his driving was throwing us around in the backseat and did not help my stitches a bit.

When we finally got home, the wailing did not stop. Given our very political family situations, we did not have anyone on stand-by at home. Twas just us with our helper, who was apprehensive about offering help due to our cultural differences. Our confinement lady would only arrive in another 3 hours or so and for the time being, we were left with a baby who was crying his lungs out and we had absolutely no idea what to do with him.

It took some detective work for us to figure out that he was crying because he was uncomfortable as he had pooped in his diapers. Now, prior to his arrival, yours truly, one of the most untidy person on earth, actually made an effort under the supervision of doppy and my friends to put away the baby's stuff neatly and ran through my checklist god knows how many times to ensure that I had acquire all the essential items. Inexplicably, when you had a crying baby in your room, a mother who could not move at will due to her operation, a helper who had trouble understanding what you want and a harassed father who was trying his damnest to calm the baby down, the things you need miraculously disappeared. We could not find the wet wipes we need to clean his bottom and resorted to using tissue paper. We could not find the diapers we bought and resorted to using the free sample packs that we collected from our antenatal classes and visits to the doc. Doppy was fearful of hurting the little one while he was changing him as he was still so soft and yet struggling with all his might against his dad. All I could do sitting by the side of the bed was to try to refrain from showing my impatience and kept on trying to encourage doppy by telling him that he was doing the right thing. After 10 minutes of struggle or so, we finally managed to changed his diapers and by then, the bed was strewn with things and the previously neatly packed room and cupboard were in disarray.

But the crying did not stop! Now that he was changed, he wanted to be fed. Remembering all my friends' and the lactation consultants' exhortations, I resolved to ignore his cries and took him into my arms in a bid to breastfeed him. All modesty was lost as I quickly pulled down my dress and with with one hand cradling him, I proceeded to massage my breast as the consultant had taught me. All this while, he was bawling his lungs out and his face was beginning to turn red. I grasped his head in my other hand, forcefully tilted his head, and jammed his head straight at my breast, all the while trying to put my nipple in his mouth. He was suffocated against my breast, and still his crying did not let up. His mouth was full with my boob in them, his nose was pressed against my flesh, his entire body was fighting to get away from me and still I refused to let go. I kept trying to have him latch on to my nipple, all the while chanting in my mind, he can survive 3 days without food and PJ and K said to be hardhearted and not to be affected by his crying. No babies have ever died from crying before and he won't be the first one.

But God, you had no idea how painful it is to watch this tiny precious thing fight against you with all his strength. His entire body was scrunched up in a ball as he gathered all his strength to push against me (and trust me, he was strong for a 5-day old baby), his entire body had turned red from his crying and what was even more heart-breaking was that we could hear his cries had changed in quality. He had run out of lung power to cry (by this time, he had been crying nonstop for almost an hour) and had resorted to using his vocal chords which were rapidly turning hoarse. Doppy was trying his hardest to be supportive of my breastfeeding effort but with the lack of an expert around to reassure us that it was fine, we both finally decided to feed him the formula milk that was given to us by the nurse.

By this time, doppy had received a call from our confinement lady informing him that she was already at the MRT station. You could not imagine our sense of relief. So while doppy was out getting her, I managed to cajole the baby by feeding him the formula milk. Yet the moment he finished, he started crying again. All this while, I was thinking, how long does it take for him to drive to the station and back? And at that instant, the door opened and to say that I looked upon our confinement lady as the saviour was an understatement.

Our confinement lady saw the distress we were in and immediately took charge of the situation and the wailing babe in my arms. Miraculously, the moment she carried him, he piped down and was lulled to sleep. She was really nice to us but commented that we need to be able to differentiate his cries and know which ones to ignore and which ones needed immediate attention. She said that his crying was excessive and was beginning to hurt him as his cries were turning hoarse. You had no idea how much guilt plagued doppy and I at that moment. For the rest of the day, we both wondered how much damage we did to our little tyke but not being able to meet his needs.

When we lay in bed later that night, we both started asking ourselves if we were fit to be parents. Doppy was feeling really useless ever since the confinement lady came since she took over everything and what was worse, she kept asking for things that we did not have - We bought too few mittens; the sleepsuits we had were too big for him; huh? you mean you did not have big towels that you could wrap him up with?; do you have baby lotion?; aiyoh ... this bottle is too big lah .. he could only drink from this when he's older ... you only have these two small ones ah?; hmmm ... we need to get a few more things leh .. etc etc. Doppy was sent to buy things on numerous occasions and still there were times when he bought the wrong items. Me? I felt like a complete failure as my milk refuses to flow and though the confinement lady was really supportive of breastfeeding and tried very hard to help XP latch on to my breast, inevitably he would break out in tears and start wailing his lungs out whenever I tried to let him suckle at my breast.

That night, we hugged each other and tried to console each other as much as we could. We both shed tears of frustration and helplessness and even more out of a sense of failure. We both want the best for XP but we were really clueless. We began to wonder, how will we be able to take care of him?

Thank goodness our confinement lady took care to reassure us that we were like this as it was our first child. XP is also slowly settling down under her expert care and I have tried to get my milk flow going by expressing my milk every 3 hours. Though there were times when I really feel like giving up, doppy's support and kind words kept me going. My entire life now revolves around when I need to express my milk and doppy has been woken up religiously at 4.30am each morning as I had to express my milk between 4-5am in the early morning.

Though the confinement lady and my helper are my life-savers, I honestly would not have been able to preserve my sanity and emotional well-being without doppy. Throughout these few days, he had been nothing but most obliging and gave nary a care to the monies he had been spending. A mere trip to the Chinese medicine hall to get the stuff to cook my confinement food set him back by $200. Diapers and milk powder for the little one another $100. A baby monitor and miscellaneous stuff another couple of hundreds. But it is not all about the monies. Those of you who know doppy would know that he was used to being waited on hand and foot by me. He nary had to care about household stuffs as I used to take care of them. Suddenly, overnight, he had to run the household as I was not up to it and to compound that, he had to live with 3 women and had the same food day in and day out. The house is like a stuffy greenhouse as I must avoid draughts and all the windows are kept tightly closed throughout the day. His only reprieve was when we go to bed cos that was when we could turn on the air-conditioner a little. But even then, he had to sleep next to a stinky meowme who was forbidden to bathe till she gets her clearance from the doc regarding her wound and had to contend with the low humming of the machine and the hissing of the breast pump at 4.30am every morning. Yet despite all these, when he had to make a trip to IMM on the second day to get more things for our little one, he took the trouble to buy me a diamond pendant to show his appreciation for me and encourage me on my breastmilk pumping efforts.

With such a loving husband and a strong and healthy son, what more can I ask for?

And so it is that I give thanks to the Lord for the two men He has given me and the blessings He has showered upon me. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve it but it is with His Grace and Love, that I am blessed with my husband and son.

Praise you Father Lord and with all my heart, I give thanks to you.

Amen.

A Long Overdue Post

Please feel free to skip or skim through this post if you have already been updated about the birth of XP. I am writing this post mostly as a record for myself (and maybe our dear son?) to remind me of my experience. Some of the feelings I describe are long past so please do not be unduly worried. Baby, daddy and I are coping fine now and we are settling down much better.

It all started on that Tuesday morning. I woke up feeling fine but I had been spotting a show since the night before. K rang me to ask after me after hearing from PJ that I had a show and told me to go the hospital as it was my first pregnancy and I might not experience the contractions till late into labour. Though I did feel some cramps in my stomach at 0830hr, it was hardly unbearable and my initial decision was to wait till the contractions were 10min apart before I go check into the hospital. Fortunately I took K's advice and went to check in. On the way to the hospital, my 'cramps' were occurring at half-an-hour interval but they were nothing that a little SOS (sigh-out-slowly) couldn't help.

Upon check-in, I was told to strip and put on the hospital gown. They took a sample of my urine for the routine tests (I presumed) and then I waited for my ob to check me out. As I had seen her twice in the last 3 days or so (Saturday for my routine checkup and Monday to confirm my plan to induce), she was surprised to see me when I was only supposed to check in at midnight to induce the birth.

Her first words to us when she drew the curtain was "Why? In labour already ah?" She did not seem really concerned especially when we informed her that the contractions were hardly regular and I was not even sure if they were even contractions or not. Doppy and I were fully prepared to be sent home and told to wait it out. However the machine apparently registered that I was indeed experiencing contractions. She checked my cervix (yes! that painful exercise again!) and I was merely 2cm dilated. She then asked if I wanted to try to induce the birth there and then and since we were there, we figured we might as well give it a shot.

And so she broke my water-bag but her expression changed and she started muttering to the nurse. Doppy walked away for a while to settle the admission matters and she then said in a serious voice to me, "I'll go and wash my hands then I will come back to talk to you and your husband."

A sense of foreboding washed over me. Anything that requires discussion is bad. Given my ob's nature, if things were going well, she would have just left me as I was and came back to check on me when necessary. And so I waited for doppy to be back and she spoke with us.

"Well, the good news is that you are indeed in labour and you have contractions. The not so good news is that your baby's head is still quite high. The bad news is that your baby has actually passed motion inside you. If you want to try natural birth, you can but I can't let you try for too long. The thing is the head problem we have always been aware. All this while, he's had a big head. But the problem is that he has passed motion inside you and this could signal the beginning of distress for him. So if you want to try, you can, but it's still a 50-50% chance. Then we will have to proceed to emergency C-section."

Needless to say, doppy and I decided that if C-section seemed to be inevitable, then we might as well be in control than to let it evolved into a situation when it had to be an emergency one. Hence I opted for a C-section to be done with GA as I did not see the point of remaining awake for an operation of which I would play absolutely no part in.

What I did not anticipate was that my contractions came fast and furious the moment the waterbag was broken. My ob had another patient lying in the bed across me who had opted to do an elective C-section. She was scheduled to deliver at 11am and my baby was to be delivered after hers at 12pm. However the contractions hit me so hard that I could not stop crying. PJ was right when she told me that the pain was unmistakable and I can't even begin to describe it. All I knew was that I could not stop my tears from flowing down my cheek and all that I wanted to do was to curl up into a ball and die (which I couldn't because I still had a huge bump!). Doppy was really sweet as a birth partner (short-lived as it was), reminding me of all the breathing techniques that we learnt in antenatal classes (which did not help to relieve the pain at all!) and distracting me by asking me silly questions such as my name and NRIC number. Despite his best attempts, I could not withstand the pain and was gripping his hand so tightly that his blood supply was nearly cut off. The nurse, seeing me in such duress, promptly offered to speak with my ob to ask her to deliver my baby first.

And so it was, our son was born at 1140hr on 15 April 2008. Like Malcolm in Macbeth, he was not of a woman born but was from his mother's womb timely ripped. He weighed a hefty 3.325kg and lay at a length of 51cm which apparently places him as a tall baby. He definitely has a pair of fully developed and powerful lungs as he soon became well-known in the nursery as the baby boy who needed lots of cuddling and feeding.

Doppy got to see him almost immediately whereas I was kept under observation to wait for the GA to wear off. At that instance when I woke up, there was a sense of de javu as the previous time when I was in a similar situation, I had a small plastic bottle thrust in my face to ascertain that I was aware they had sucked my water bag with my fetus out of me. This time round, there was no such bottle and the first question that popped out of my mouth was "How's my baby?". Reassuringly, they told me that my baby was fine and it must be the thought of wanting to see him that kept me alert and had me fighting the effects of the drug. In fact, I was so awake and lucid that some of the nursing staff had to confirm with me that I indeed had a GA C-section and slept through the entire operation.

I finally got to see our little warrior at 1600hr. Truth be told, he was so much better looking than I had anticipated. After reading so many articles that tried to temper parents' expectations about their new-born, my imagination had painted him to be a scrunched-up hairless, balding monkey. His 3-D image in the earlier stage of my pregnancy did not help as I thought he resembled some ancient caveman. Surprisingly, our baby had a head full of black glossy hair (yes, yes, I know that it will drop!) and though his eyes were merely slits, he's got the most beautiful pair of ears and his mouth was so delicately drawn. When we were anticipating his birth, both doppy and I were concerned if he would be perfectly formed with ten fingers and toes intact. We were so happy that our little tyke was indeed perfectly made and I gave thanks in my heart to our Lord who has seen us thus far.

The days in the hospital passed us by in a flash. Doppy was not able to stay with me for the first two nights as we did not manage to secure a single room. He was quite mad with the hospital as he felt that the elective caesarian patients were given priority in room allocation (as their room arrangement could be arranged beforehand) and the patients who chose to give birth naturally ended up being penalised. He was of course also anxious about me and had wanted to stay with me. We had plenty of good friends who swung by to congratulate us and of course to keep us company.

I spent the last two days in the hospital learning how to get my baby to latch on to my breast and how to express my milk every 3 hourly to get my milk flow going. The nursing staff in Mt. Alvernia Hospital are beyond reproach and they are the personification of the virtues, patience and empathy. No matter how big or small our requests are, they always saw to our needs and made sure that all of us (including the father who was staying over) were well-taken care of. Each time when different nurses came to collect my EMPTY bottles of vain expressing, they never failed to encourage me and told me that my milk would come eventually. Even when it was merely a few pathetic drops of breast-milk, the nurses would say, "It's ok. We can still give this to him." Needless to say, all the nurses in the nursery showered XP with lots of love and cuddles. On the last day when we were due to discharge, the nurse chose to soothe our son who was crying for cuddles over feeding another little baby girl who needed her milk. Both of us are filled with nothing but gratitude and admiration for the nursing staff in Mt. Alvernia.

I wanted to take XP to the chapel before we leave to give thanks to the Lord. However, we were in such a rush (he making a fuss did not help) that I did not have the chance to do so. I resolve to take him to the chapel this Wednesday when I go back for our respective follow-up checkups to show him to the Lord and give thanks to him for giving us such a wonderful son.

My next post will detail our traumatic first three hours at home and how our lives have been for the last few days.

I need to sign off now to go and prepare my breast for expressing (yet again). So it's good night to all till tomorrow I greet you with another new (overdue) post.

Busy! Busy with what? - "concerned" friend

Since we've been home, I've been relegated to the proverbial third wheel (or is that fifth?). My role consists entirely of going downstairs to buy everything that is needed, i.e. my wallet is the only thing relevant about my presence. If we could buy everything by proxy and charge it through a credit card to me, I wouldn't even be needed. :)

Anyway, our confinement lady (hereafter known as "CF") has been a "god-send" as Lovebell puts it, or to be more atheistic about it, she's been the best thing that ever happened since XP was born. And while that's only been less than a week, let's just say we are extremely grateful.

On the first day of discharge, we reached home at about 1pm, and subsequently had to wait about 2 hours for CF to arrive at our MRT station. As luck would have it, XP decided he needed to poop and feed during those 2 hours. And while we managed to feed him and change his diaper, we were so relieved when CF finally arrived and took over as the professional. She calmed him down immediately, and set about setting the house in order for his long term stay. Amazingly, we had not even managed to set aside his clothes, diapers, etc, so we spent a frantic afternoon settling everything.

In these few days that she's been here, she's also made extremely delicious food for mommy and for the rest of us. Lovebell warns me and maid not to get used to the good food as she would not be able to replicate CF's standards! I think all my exercise efforts in the last month just went to waste!

CF has also assisted greatly with lovebell's attempt at nursing, and she's woken up at night to feed and change him. She is very encouraging despite lovebell's "dry taps" (quote: TINS), but we figure any bit is better than none, and XP seems to be growing strong.

Our plans are now to transition our maid to do CF's job. We briefed the maid last night on her main priority being to take care of XP when CF leaves, so she has also duly noted the need to learn everything from her. At the moment, she seems capable of handling most of the assistance, such as sterilising, cleaning, etc, and she also knows how to carry and burp the kiddo. (After all, she's had 3 kids of her own!!) So I think with some training in the next few weeks, she should be able to handle the kid on her own. Our aim is to have the maid take over completely in the last wk of CF's stay, and have CF play only a advisory/supervisory role. This will give the maid more confidence as well.

Anyway, we are also thinking of extending CF's stay. She has agreed to it tentatively, so we'll firm things up in a week or so. I think the money is well worth the help she provides, as well as the expertise she has rendered. I want Lovebell to be up and running before she takes back the role of director of household affairs... :P

Some of you have asked if you can drop by to visit us, and the answer is ABSOLUTELY!. We are both used to running around on the outside, and staying at home is not exactly our idea of fun. So feel free to drop by anytime. :)

His Flight's Delayed Again

clipped from www.singaporeair.com Chosen Flight Status 30th November 2007 - Friday - Flight Number SQ325 / Aircraft (B777-300ER) Airport Scheduled Time Actual Time Estimated Time Status Departure From Frankfurt (FRA) 22:00 (-1) 03:30 Delayed Arrival In Singapore (SIN) 16:50 22:02 Delayed

Sigh. I think SQ doesn't like the mmf very much.

First, they made him miss his connecting flight to Stockholm and he was stuck at the airport hotel with no change of clothes.

Now, he is stuck at Frankfurt airport after having sat on the plane for FIVE freaking hours and taking airplane dinner while waiting for the plane to be fixed and take off. They have finally asked him to disembark and go to the airport terminal and up till now he is still wandering around at the airport.

To think that I actually went to Cold Storage at 10.30pm last night to get groceries, waited 45min for a cab to no avail, took the bus finally with all my barang barang, woke up earlier today to tidy up the place (a little) so that he could come home to a neat and tidy nest, plotted appropriate menu that should cover dinner or supper, resolved to make the bed so that he could rest his tired body, imagined the little tasks that I would do for him to make him rested and now, I am just religiously checking the web for updated flight details. Sigh.

Oh well. At least they found the problem with the engine before the plane took off and malfunction in mid-air. I must be thankful for such blessing instead of being so ungrateful and whiny.

But I really do miss him.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

A couple of days ago, I asked doppy, "Do you think you could go to the gym earlier on Friday so that we could take my mum out for dinner?"

"Well, I don't know. Remember my boss said for us to triple our pace and I have been kinda busy these few days. But I'll try."

Last night, in the car, doppy said, "Hey, I went to meet xxx for lunch in town today. Gosh! It has been a year plus since we both left [our previous org]. Hmmm .... I think I should start calling up some of the others and see if we can meet up. Good to stay in touch and maintain my network."

"I thought you said you were quite busy these days?"

"No lah. I should do this now that I free mah. Now at work, I also not doing anything much."

"Ahh .. so you have no time for me, but you have time to maintain your contacts and network lah?"

"Huh? I where got no time for you? Whatever you want to do, I always do it with you what. Wherever you want to go, I also accompany you what."

.... silence ....

Notes on Discourse:

Doppy was speaking the truth the entire time. His boss has indeed asked them to triple their work pace and he has been working till past 7 close to 8 every night (even on gym nights which was why he was sometimes late in getting me from class).

However, it was also true that he did have some spare time at work. He is busy but his work is also spasmodic in nature and there are times when he just sits there and spends his time iming everyone on gtalk to bitch about mob-manning.

It is just that poor doppy has an extremely short-term memory whereas his wife is unfortunately cursed with a selective long-term memory. And so while the wife had made connections between two conversations that took place on separate occasions, doppy was left there wondering why his unreasonable wife was giving him grief.

Fortunately for him, he was a little ill last night and it was easier for the wife to forgive him in a shorter time and she told him how he felt. Poor sod was completely clueless and clarified that that was never his intended message.

Sometimes, things can be resolved just so easily if we would be honest about our feelings.

Unfortunately, women expect others to be able to read their feelings.

Grounds for Divorce

No matter how angry I make doppy, I am always assured of his love for me and he has never joked about divorcing me.

Yesterday, I gave him grounds to file for a divorce if he so wishes.

Doppy has always guarded his life very protectively from his mother. He does not like her interfering ways and he tries as much as possible to keep his life separate from hers. He even went to the extent of not wanting to let her know our present address when we decided to move out as he did not want her to visit us at all or worse, come to our place uninvited and unannounced. As the dutiful dil, I told him we could not do that. He relented and so yes, my mil does know where we live right now.

I made the mistake of telling my mil that we bought our little piece of Toy Story on one occasion. We were over at her place for a meal and I was desperately trying to make small talk without revealing any information about doppy. She kept asking me (note, doppy ignores her so she addresses all her questions and queries to me!) about our life and work and I was trying to be as polite as possible while revealing as little information as possible. Finally, I told her that we bought a condo unit for she had been bugging us for the longest of time to buy a private property. In fact, when we first got married, this was one of the topics for contention for she told us that she could not understand why with our earning powers, we choose to live in a HDB flat with the rest of the 80% of the population when our salaries put us at the top 20%. That's another story which I shall not go into it in this post.

To cut to the chase, when my mil came over to my place last night with my bil (he needed to pick up some travel stuff from us; she just invited herself along. I already took one hit for allowing her to come over! but thank goodness doppy had to go the gym and he thought leaving me alone with her was punishment enough for me), she told me that she went to take a look at our condo project because .... she was thinking of BUYING ONE TOO!!!!!!!! At that moment, I heard the foundations of my marriage shake and I could visibly see the walls protecting my marriage crumbling down in my mind's eye. That very instant, I messaged PJ to seek refuge for I foresaw a divorce would be imminent when doppy came to know about it. I knew that no matter how many brownie points I might have scored previously would not be enough to offset my transgression of giving my mil knowledge of our future home. I really did not expect that she would think of buying another unit at the same project (her reason was that our's was the most affordable one!!!) just to be near to her precious son who cares naught for her.

It is divine intervention that my fil is coming back next Jan and my mil is thinking of buying over his share in their present property. It is my most fervent hope and desperate prayer that he would agree to sell her his share, and she would decide to stay put at their present home. I already have a lot to answer to doppy and he told me in no uncertain terms that this was my cross to bear and I would have to resolve the problem.

I shall have to start gathering intelligences and ensure that subtle hints are dropped to my mil that her son does not wish for her to live within a 5km radius from him.

It is doppy's belief that if this case should be brought to court, the judge will deem my doodoo-ness and the trouble I caused reasonable grounds for a divorce and shall be sympathetic to him.

I do not want to pay him alimonies!!!!! :(