And so we have survived 2.5 weeks without our help

Tmr our help is back. U have no idea how ecstatic we are. While it is true that we have survived without her (much better than we mentally prepared ourselves for actually), note that it is at e existence level and not on e living one.

All things considered tho, her home leave is something good. Other than a spat we had two nights ago when both our temper are on the short end and our emotions high strung from being patient with e little one, we have done coped much better than we expected without her.

I am most proud of doppy and appreciative of all that he did in these two weeks. From doing the dishes to caring for sonny, he put in his fair share of work (going beyond his Lao-ye's status no less) and have really tried his best to help me out on all fronts. He has been most patient w sonny, pulling his weight when he needed to and the best thing that happened these two weeks is that sonny has grown a lot closer to him due to the time spent together thru the showers they take and playtime together when I just need to catch some shut-eye. I now no longer worry for doppy shd he need to tend to sonny on his own. I used to fear that he cannot cope and wd not be able to see to sonny's needs. Now I can rest assured of his competence and confidence in taking care of sonny on his own.

Sonny has been great too. While he misses F, he was relatively cooperative with us and did not go into his tantrum fits which we were fearful of. He is real excited abt tmr tho. He knows that we r taking him to e airport to get F and he is really happy at the thot of seeing her again. He has grown somewhat more independent too in sleepg on his own. We hope that he will keep this up even when F comes back. Hopefully, poor F will get a few months of solitude and her bed before e 2nd kiddo arrives and she has to contend w disrupted sleep once I go back to work.

While I feel terrible that F has to leave her family behind to come work for us, I will be lying if I say that I am not happy abt her return. I have really missed my time w doppy (what with sonny competing for our attention in e day and the World Cup in the night) and my sleep! I am really tired from running around w the little rascal and look forward to e times that I can take a nap as and when I wish. I resolve that our first date next week will be to take a good adults-only dinner and catch Toy Story 3. While I love sonny to bits n love talking to him, I like some occasional respite fm his boundless energy n endless chatter too.

Am so not looking forward to work tmr. Tons of things to clear n owe ppl plenty of stuff. :( oh well. Least I am getg my help back. :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A postdated post

Wrote this post such a long time back that I nearly forgot all abt posting it. :p

Here goes:

By the time this post sees the light of day, I should at least be 2 months along if not more. How soon this post gets posted will depend on how observant my friends are and how good my acting skills are.

Today is the 19 Apr. I am seated in a familiar clinic, getting myself weighed and blood pressure taken. We found out last night that I am pregnant. :) Truth be told, it was a piece of news that was received with mixed feelings. While we have not been actively preventing this, Doppy and I did agree that we will dicuss it and make a decision during our ME weekend. Now that it is here, we are left with no choice.

In a way, I am rather glad that the decision has been taken out of my hands. I have always wanted 2 kids but I know that doppy was inclined towards one due to financial consideration. He is a worry wart by nature and short of handing the world on a plate to his children, he thinks that we are short changing them and we are not giving them the best that they deserve. Topmost of his considerations is of course an overseas college education. He is adamant that by hook or by crook he will send his kids abroad and because he doesn't want to choose between them, he very much rather have just one kid and strive to provide for sonny.

I actually came out of the bathroom with trepediation cos I know that he will receive the news of No.2 v differently from the way we received news of no.1. While he was not crestfallen per se, I cd also tell that he was not as ecstatic abt the news 2 yrs 9mo ago. When I sat down on the bed next to him, my first question was, "Wd u want me to consider an abortion?" Thankfully his answer was a resounding no and he proceeded to chide me for my silliness. His mental gears did kick into overdrive rather immediately and he started thinking abt the logistical problems (where to place the new cot) and changes to our lives ahead (oh sex drought and sleep deprivation gonna start again. Endless diaper changing and wailing sessions again).

Yet by the end of the conversation, he told me that he loved me and for the first time in a long while, he hugged me to sleep. And this morning, he kept reminding me to go get myself checked out at the gynae even tho we both knew exactly what she wd say (Congrats. Don't worry. Whatever will be will be.) While he has to be at work and not be able to see the doc w me, he kept messaging to ask me to update him on e visit. And while he said that he doesn't think he can love no.2 e way he loves sonny, he kept insisting that no.2 must get whatever no.1 got (and that includes a new cot even if we do not have the space for it). And al these things assure me that no2 will come to know his/her dad's love just as sonny did.

And u know something? If all goes well, no2 shall be a dec baby. I cannot help but remember the first one that I lost 4 yrs ago. That was supposed to be a dec baby and our
Xmas gift too. God has not forgotten all these years and now he is choosing to bless us w ano Xmas child.

Life is good. While the days ahead will def be harder ones with an additional kiddo in the mix, I know that we will be happy as a family with god's grace and blessings. Thank you Lord for your blessings and we remain grateful for your precious gift always. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wrong use of analogies

Analogies should only be used when they are appropriate and useful. If they only serve to confuse the issue, they ought to be avoided at all cost.

On the topic of developing a self-assessment tool for schools, it was being debated on whether there should be standards. One party (the powerful one) was arguing for no such need. Another party (the logical one) stated that implicit in any measurement is a standard (this is Assessment Literacy 101 btw).

And so an analogy was proposed to argue for the former.

A trained engineer from an Ivy League University used the analogy of a ruler to make her case. She liken the self-assessment tool to a ruler and said that it is fine if School A measures itself and it comes up to a 3 and School B measures itself and comes up to a 5. The measurement is neutral and does not in any way say anything about the two schools.

Pray tell, how does this analogy work? Of course the scale says something about the two schs. It says that School A is 2 scale away from School B and that one is shorter than the other. While the numerical value itself might be neutral in the sense that it does not connote anything, implicit in the use of a ruler is the standard of length. And one will argue that if u apply a ruler to something, u must want to know the length for a purpose for otherwise, why bother measuring?

A humbly-trained teacher from a local university proposes that a more apt analogy ought to be the body temperature of different groups of people. If the point is in saying that not all schools should need to achieve the same score (cf. doppy's argument about the type of students a school can produce is dependent on the cohort of students one receives), then use the analogy that one would expect the body temp of a child to be higher than that of an adult because their makeup is different. Consequently, a same reading will indicate different things for a child and an adult. A high reading for a child might not necessarily denote a fever due to a child's high core temperature. Similarly, a school that measures itself using the tool and arrives at a certain score needs to interpret the score in its context. Wouldn't this make more sense?

I am shocked at how a trained engineer can propose the ruler analogy without realising the logical fallacy. Or am I being too critical again?

The King is dead. Long live the King!

I heard a rumour.

The rumour says that the King is actually naked.

Oh wow, it's true. Oh no, what should I do now?

Should I point it out and show everyone how foolish they are? Surely they see it? Surely, it's not just me? Surely, my eyes are not deceiving me?

What if I point him out and everyone laughs at me instead? After all, no one else is saying anything. Everyone is keeping quiet. Surely they are not all blind? Or am I the blind one?

Oh no, what should I do now?

What if I keep quiet and just keep staring, like everyone else? Yeah, that's a good idea! No one will look at me. I will just keep my head down, keep on staring at the King and make it look like nothing's happening. But I must tell someone.... I need to know I am not insane.

"Hey, psst. I heard a rumour. The King is naked. Pass it on. "

It's easy to be management. Just add oil and stir fry.

Time is tight! You must deliver! No, your current idea is not good enough!

No, I don't care if that is what was approved. I don't like the idea! No, I don't have any better ones!

You all go and think! You wrote it into the paper, so you must implement!

No, what's in the paper is not good enough!

Your solution distorts the market!

Your solution doesn't train enough people!

How about the existing schools? They have existing degree or poly programmes, no?

No, we need to train those people by this year!

1 day is too short for people to learn anything!

2 days is too long and will discourage people from coming!

You must deliver on this KPI! You must work out what you want to do!

Time is tight! You must deliver! No, I cannot tell you what it is you should do! No, your current idea is not good enough!

Requiem for a hero

Here I sit, getting fat.
One more day passing just like that.
Did I really once save the day?
Looking at me now, it's hard to say.

"Man of steel!" they used to call me.
"Give us a feel!" girls taunted daily.
Did I really once save the day?
Looking at me now, one cannot say.

Soon I will be gone, time waits for no man.
Super strength cannot defend - against the Reaper's demands.
Did I really once save the day?
Looking at me now, what's left to say...

Rationalisation

So sonny was playing with his toy aeroplane and flying it around. I asked him, "Who is taking the aeroplane?"

"Auntie F."

"Where is Auntie F going?"

"Phillipines."

"When Auntie F goes to Phillipines to see Dada, who shall sonny sleep with?"

"Sonny sleeps with mama. Sonny don't cry cry cry ah. Sonny cannot say (scrunches up face) I want auntie F ah. Ok?"

"...."


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Scheduling my life

As with all things, I have been reminded to post since Lovebell posted something today. :)

Many things in life are like that. You don't remember to do a certain thing because everyday you already have so many things to deal with. This is why I've been trying to fix my exercise days on specific days of the week so that it becomes part of the routine.

Likewise, I am thinking of fixing a specific time everyday to study French. Right now, I tell myself I'll study when I'm free, but as long as I have other things to see, read, do, watch, play, I'll never get around to reading the textbook.

So, what's a good suggestion for studying? :)

I know Yogi wakes at 430am to do yoga everyday. Should I follow his lead and wake up earlier to study and spend breakfast time with my boy?

Musings on a cab ride

It is March and I have hardly written a single post. I have been wondering abt e lack of my posts. Am I not stressed out enough (fren of ours observed that my blogging is most prolific when I am stressed out usually fm markings)? Has my life turned so routine and mundane that there is nothing interesting to blog abt anymore? Or has facebook taken over the role of my updating friends with my life that I no longer feel the need to blog?

Truth of the matter is, these days I am so so busy that I hardly have a moment to myself. Gone are the days when I have time to waste? on the computer. My waking hours are consumed by work between 8.30am - 6pm (and occasionally in the wee hours in the morning) and the rest of the time is taken up by the never-ending job of parenting. Truth be told, I haven't been stellar in my performance in the latter too for I have so few precious hours to spend with the kiddo. I miss being with doppy and frens and sometimes I just decide that I need to have some adult time too. Not forgetting trying to keep up with my MA readings and assignments and organising our family life with respective stakeholders, it is a miracle that I even have time to sleep!

Yet I am fervent believer that I must myself be healthy and happy before I can take care of all the other peeps in my life. So in this regard, I am very self-centred. I do things that will make me feel good and well first before anything else. And this prob explains the lack of my blogging presence. Any spare amt of time I have these days go either into sleeping or simply stoning out.

I am very blessed with my family who loves me regardless. At the hint of any trouble, they will offer their help. I am blessed with a supportive husband who never fails to make me laugh even in the most tryg of moments. Blessed with a son who brightens up my day with his cheeky grin and sudden bouts of singing. Blessed with a capable domestic helper who wd go in e extra mile in relieving me of chores and sometimes to the extent of planning my life to help overcome some contraints. Blessed with some great friends and colleagues who make going to work that much more appealing at the thot of seeing them and taking meals with them. Most of all, I am most blessed with god's grace who has not given me anything thus far that I cannot handle.

So while I have 218 emails to clear at work and I am actually going to be out of the office for a course, and I have a week ahead to figure out how to best and most efficiently help Popo to get her life back post bedbugs infestation episode, the week shall be a gd one for with god's grace, I shall make it so! :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Am I making sense?

I began thinking about my presentation by asking myself what is political about Vineland. While the novel’s subject is obviously centred on American political issues, suppression of the counter culture in the 1960s right up to fascist-like social control in the 1980s, I asked myself what could be relevant for readers if we were not interested in specific historical events. Moreover, while the book’s protagonist appeared to be Zoyd from the first chapter, it is rather apparent that women dominated much of the narrative in the novel. Hence, I became interested to explore how a feminist reading of the text would be done and building on the quotation above, I decided to try to lead a discussion on how our class would interpret the novel from a feminist perspective.

Orwell (1946) posits that there are four reasons for writing – sheer egoism, aesthetic enthusiasm, historical impulse and political purpose. The latter two motivations come across strongly in Vineland. For historical impulse, Orwell states that writers possess a “desire to see things as they are, to find out true facts and store them for the use of posterity” (5). Readers see one of Pynchon’s purposes in writing Vineland to be “rais[ing] some important "lost" questions, questions that have neither been asked nor answered by [American] politicians, or [American] cultural leaders: What happened during the sixties, and to the sixties? How did [America] get from the sixties to the nineties? What did we learn? What did we lose?” (Introduction – Thomas Pynchon and Us). Pynchon’s strong satirical criticism of the mass media’s influence (the Tube) stems from his desire to recoup America’s history and account for the ways things have been. In Vineland, “the perceptual is often bound in the political. The ubiquity and familiarity of TV is the source of its power to condition. In the most superficial way, television offers modes of behaviour upon which subjects can build their identity” (Boundary crossings: Vineland’s formal and ontological “flow”). Inevitably, by foregrounding this issue, it gives rise to a political purpose, “using the word ‘political’ in the widest possible sense [-] [desire] to push the world in certain direction, to alter other people’s idea of the kind of society that they should strive after” (Orwell 5) after an understanding of how things might have come into being. Hence, I wanted to explore the impact of the novel in changing or altering our ideas about feminism.

While I sought to answer the question of who the feminist reader is supposed to identify with in the novel thereby establishing Pynchon’s archetypal feminists or ideals of feminism, unfortunately, I think my presentation became one of a personal response to the novel’s portrayal of the female characters. The critical weakness of my presentation probably resulted from a lack of consideration for the novel’s larger literary form of a (post?)modernist text due to my own lack of understanding of what postmodernism is (or might be).

Zhiwen’s presentation on the novel’s postmodernist features and the subsequent class discussion was therefore a very helpful one in helping me to reframe my interpretation of the feminist issues in the text. Without getting into a debate over the term “postmodernism” and whether Vineland should be defined as a postmodernist text, my learning points from our discussion are based on the novel’s resistance to closure and the lack of a centre or unity. By the end of the novel, we are still unable to draw conclusions about the main female protagonists in the novel, namely, Frenesi Gates and Prairie. Our ideas of the female characters are constantly undermined by Pynchon’s ambiguous portrayal of them. We are unable to reconcile Frenesi’s involvement in the subversive counter-culture movement, 24fps, with her eventual betrayal of the movement due to her sexual desire for Brock Vond. Similarly, we are also ambivalent about Prairie’s desire for Brock Vond to “come back … [and] take [her] anyplace [he] want[s]” (384).

If, however, we were to recognise the novel’s resistance to closure and appreciate that Pynchon’s characters “exemplify, as well as … mock what it exemplifies, the complicated identify-formation/fabrication process in a thoroughly capricious postmodern climate” (Ravichandran 18), then we begin to be cognisant that we need to read Pynchon’s characters differently and are not meant to identify with them per se. If we agree with Ravichandran that in the postmodern age, the “old “either-or” breaks down and the new “both/and-also multiplicity and difference opens up new possibilities” (14), then the critical question for us to ask is not which female character could a feminist reader identify with in the novel, but rather the political implications of Pynchon’s characterisation of Frenesi and Prairie in opening up the space for a discussion of feminist issues and concerns such as whether we should deny or acknowledge women’s inexplicable attraction to power and authority (be it socially-conditioned or inherent in women’s psyche) as Frenesi and Prairie epitomises in their relationship with Vond.

In conclusion, I would like to respond to the question on whether political literature fails in it being too topical. From a reader’s point of view, I posit that the difficulty with political literature is with the context of its creation. By context, I do not mean the time and space in which the text is constructed which could possibly translate into the text’s subject matter and risk becoming too topical. Rather, I think any reading of political literature requires a situation of the text in the contemporary literary movement so that an appreciation of the aesthetics would compliment an appreciation of the political motivation. This is where I begin to recognise the value of Orwell pluralising the motives of writing and understand that all the motives is brought to bear on a piece of literary work.