A postdated post

Wrote this post such a long time back that I nearly forgot all abt posting it. :p

Here goes:

By the time this post sees the light of day, I should at least be 2 months along if not more. How soon this post gets posted will depend on how observant my friends are and how good my acting skills are.

Today is the 19 Apr. I am seated in a familiar clinic, getting myself weighed and blood pressure taken. We found out last night that I am pregnant. :) Truth be told, it was a piece of news that was received with mixed feelings. While we have not been actively preventing this, Doppy and I did agree that we will dicuss it and make a decision during our ME weekend. Now that it is here, we are left with no choice.

In a way, I am rather glad that the decision has been taken out of my hands. I have always wanted 2 kids but I know that doppy was inclined towards one due to financial consideration. He is a worry wart by nature and short of handing the world on a plate to his children, he thinks that we are short changing them and we are not giving them the best that they deserve. Topmost of his considerations is of course an overseas college education. He is adamant that by hook or by crook he will send his kids abroad and because he doesn't want to choose between them, he very much rather have just one kid and strive to provide for sonny.

I actually came out of the bathroom with trepediation cos I know that he will receive the news of No.2 v differently from the way we received news of no.1. While he was not crestfallen per se, I cd also tell that he was not as ecstatic abt the news 2 yrs 9mo ago. When I sat down on the bed next to him, my first question was, "Wd u want me to consider an abortion?" Thankfully his answer was a resounding no and he proceeded to chide me for my silliness. His mental gears did kick into overdrive rather immediately and he started thinking abt the logistical problems (where to place the new cot) and changes to our lives ahead (oh sex drought and sleep deprivation gonna start again. Endless diaper changing and wailing sessions again).

Yet by the end of the conversation, he told me that he loved me and for the first time in a long while, he hugged me to sleep. And this morning, he kept reminding me to go get myself checked out at the gynae even tho we both knew exactly what she wd say (Congrats. Don't worry. Whatever will be will be.) While he has to be at work and not be able to see the doc w me, he kept messaging to ask me to update him on e visit. And while he said that he doesn't think he can love no.2 e way he loves sonny, he kept insisting that no.2 must get whatever no.1 got (and that includes a new cot even if we do not have the space for it). And al these things assure me that no2 will come to know his/her dad's love just as sonny did.

And u know something? If all goes well, no2 shall be a dec baby. I cannot help but remember the first one that I lost 4 yrs ago. That was supposed to be a dec baby and our
Xmas gift too. God has not forgotten all these years and now he is choosing to bless us w ano Xmas child.

Life is good. While the days ahead will def be harder ones with an additional kiddo in the mix, I know that we will be happy as a family with god's grace and blessings. Thank you Lord for your blessings and we remain grateful for your precious gift always. :)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Little XT has left the nest. - Lovebell

This morning we took XT to the childcare centre as usual. Along the way, he didn't behave the way he used to do. Beyond the usual self-entertaining antics in the car, such as the singing of his favorite "twinkle ah", he was quite the normal self. There was no crying, no screaming, no clinging on to anyone.

"Blue car! Double-decker bus! Red train! Motorcycle zoom zoom!"

When we got to the centre, XT promptly went and sat down and took off his shoes, while demanding that we "take off other shoe ah!" (i.e. I would take off one and he would take off one). This was swiftly followed by him picking up his shoes and going "where's cubby hole?". He then pointed at his own photo and put his shoes neatly into the cubby hole.

(Yes, XT is prone to dictating to himself and talking about himself in the third person)

Zhao LaoShi was not there to take his temperature today, so he was a bit disoriented then. But when another teacher came out to greet him, he sat down at once and obediently opened his mouth and showed her his hands for the health screening.

After that, he stood up, turned around, looked at us as we said "Bye bye!" and then turned and walked inside without a word or tear.

Our XT has grown up.

Childbirth and its costs

So we were walking around after dinner with AD and Sotong this evening and we decided to pop by one of the infant and mothercare shops to share some of our "knowledge" (or personal bias in most cases :P ) and "educate" the soon-to-be parents on the things they need and what they should watch out for when buying some of those things. It still amazes me to think how far we've come, Lovebell and I. We were helped greatly by PJ and Darth, of course, but nevertheless, I am sometimes still amazed at the amount of experience points we have gained and the amount of knowledge we have gained as well. From breast pumps to steam bottle sanitisers, from prams to cots, we have spent a large amount of time and energy to learn what is what, and which items are the most value for money that we *should* get for baby XP.

Anyway, back to tonight.

The shop we walked into was a very *atas* one located in great world city, whose main clientele is rich FTs and the upper class of Singapore. The prams on sale ranged from a "low end" price of $350 to the other end of $2k. Cots sold were all close to $1.5k to $2k. In contrast, the pram XP sits in costs just above $200, and the cot he sleeps in costs just above $500.

Whenever I walk into one of these high end shops, I usually feel 2 emotions simultaneously.

1. Astonishment - I am stunned and astonished at the amount of money people will pay for such things, especially when it seems foolish to plow that sort of money into things that will only be used for such a short period of time.
   
2. Envy - Yet I can't help but wish that I could afford these things too. I envy their ability to spend without thinking twice. It's the whole "damn Joneses have it, so we better darn get ourselves one too" sort of mentality.
   

I have since realised that emotion 1 is closely related to emotion 2. Because I can't afford it, I naturally feel astonished at their propensity to purchase. However, to the rich person, buying a $2k pram for his son would be analogous to me buying a $2 rattle for my baby. After all, the really poor would be tsk-ing away at that too, since a rattle is nothing but a noise maker, and you could make one out of an old tin can and some beans.

So I shouldn't feel astonished at their spending habits. What's a $2k pram when they drive a $300k car and live in $5m homes? It's all part of their wealthy lifestyle.

What I should feel, and this requires a little bit more thought beyond the id emotions of envy and jealousy (hah, Freud! ) is my own joy and my love for my family. While I may not afford the $2k pram, I can afford the $200 one, and I will strive to provide that so that XP has a chair to sit in when we go for walks. While I can't afford the spa package for my wife to lose weight after delivery, I can support her in her exercise efforts and encourage her in my own ways.

I know this post sounds like I am trying to rationalise to myself, and perhaps my ego needs this post to manage my own feelings (hah! more Freud). Oh well, so be it.

What I don't understand, is why these feelings are particularly strong for things that pertain to XP. It's like I want a nice big TV for myself and I've been dreaming about one for the longest of time, but I have managed to hold off buying it for so long now, because I can rationalise to myself that the existing TV works fine, the cost is too high, I can spend it on other things, etc, etc. But when it comes to things for XP, I will always feel this sense of guilt when I see other parents buying good stuff for their children, and XP has to "make do" with his cheap things.

When it comes to buying things for Lovebell, I will ask her "why in the world do you need so many handbags?" but yet I will also be the one gladly paying for her if it is something she really likes. So why the different treatment for XP?

Is it because I grew up in a middle income family that doesn't believe in buying things for their children because, well, they never got any gifts when they were kids?

In any case, XP looks happy, Lovebell is happy, and so I am happy too.

Happy Mid Autumn Festival...

The Promised Post

Yes, yes, I know. I have not kept up with my promise to blog more. Obviously, I do not have enough work to do for I am most prolific when I have work to do on the computer. I am guessing that all should be seeing a little more blogging from me for I have recently been tasked to summarise a 100 page report which I have not managed to bribe doppy to do for me.

So anyway, I have been 'inspired' to blog after reading einna's hilarious post about her trip back to Singapore (*hint hint for more posts!*). And of course, doppy's posts kinda reminded me that I am missing out logging this part of my life since I hardly put my thoughts down anywhere else besides my blog. So here goes my random ramblings (yet again!) about my most mudane life. :)

First up, I am reading a most interesting book (more about our son later lah!). It's A.C. Grayling's "The Heart of Things: Applying Philosophy to the 21st Century". I have always had a keen interest in philosophy and you will not be hard pressed to find a number of books on philosophy on our bookshelves (yes, they are all mine. Doppy's interest doesn't quite extend to philo though he does know a few names when he needs to quote one theory or another). The key thing that made me pick this book up (besides the subject matter and rave reviews it got) was that it was a collection of short essays. I have realised that nowadays I am unable to finish a book in one sitting due to both a lack of time and attention span. Short stories and essays are just about all I can read without dozing off halfway. And so far, I am enjoying this book. Just to share an excerpt from a chapter on monogamy as food for thought:

"How many readers of these words has had only one sexual partner? How many have been faithful during the course (note:every) relationship they have had? Suppose you have been married for twenty years and never once in the at time 'cheated' on your spouse. Still, did you have lovers before then? If, which heaven forfend, your partner were to die or leave, would you not hope to start another relationship at some point? A single 'yes' to any of these questions makes you a polygamist, in the real meaning of the term. And a good thing too.

Those five last words are best not misconstrued. Polygamy - or let us call it non-monogamy, as a more general and neutral term, meaning 'having more than one partner during the course of a life' - is good because it widens and deepens experience in an area whose health is essential to the life well lived. It might mean having more than one simultaneous partner, but it need not and quite often it is better not. Until people have learned not to entangle their domestic projects - home building, having children - with their sexual affinities, with the result that interruptions of the latter typically mean destruction of the former, it might even be better to restrict synchronicities to very limited periods, if at all; as for example when a new relationship supersedes an old one (an inevitability when couples who started together when young have since grown apart: older and wiser couples make stronger bonds). There is good reason to suspect that the best kinds of sexual and emotional relationships are those in which there is sufficient mutuality and exclusivity to allow deep understanding to evolve; how often people utter the cliche, no less profoundly true for being one, that the best sex is the sex you have with the one you really love. And this implies that the best relationships are post-polygamous monogamies voluntarily chosen by those in them." (p.53-54)

On that note, I have been most disturbed recently to find indeed in this day and age, monogamy, even in a marriage, is a rare commodity. The first shocker came for me when I realised that an acquaintance of mine was apparently the third party in another's marriage. The second came in the form of a husband-to-be cheating on his wife-to-be with another woman and now contemplating if he should go ahead with the marriage. And I guess it was these happenings that I observed and many more that convinced me of the writer's argument above about monogamy. I still remember doppy and I ridiculously proclaiming that we were not in an exclusive relationship when we were both pretty conservative and traditional people at heart (i.e. we were mostly incapable of dating one person and going out with someone else). And of course now that we are in a marriage, I have never for a moment taken our commitment to monogamy for granted. One of the best pieces of advice that was given to me was by Einna who told that I should never for a moment, trust that doppy would never cheat on me. Her advice was not meant to cause mistrust in my marriage, but rather as a reminder for me never to take him for granted (in the mistaken belief that he would never cheat on me with another woman or god forbid, that no other women would want him [yes, yes, this is a real ego-boost for him]). In a similar vein, I have also never failed to remind him that I am definitely capable of cheating on him (and more likely to get away with it than he would) and thus never to take the monogamous nature of our relationship for granted. In this modern day where the stigma of a divorce is significantly less destructive than ever before and there are a million and one reasons for extra-marital affairs, there is nothing in a marriage contract (especially if one is not of a religious background) that would ensure monogamy. Ultimately, it is a choice that must be made by the two people in the marriage because their shared experiences and commitment to each (you can see that I am avoiding the L word for that is so difficult to pin down beyond an indescribable feeling) tell them that the marriage is so much more worth having than that fling or new relationship they want to have.

And this brings me finally to my daily struggle. Each morning, I would wake up and the first thing I would do after freshening up would be to go check on XP and to give him a good morning kiss. Thereafter, I would carry him to our bed so that he could kiss? slobber over? his dad before I would return him to F while I continue to get ready for work. Doppy has (jokingly?) remarked on more than one occasion that our son is now more important than him (yes yes, we have all established that he can be rather petty. But when one greets you with a beatific smile upon seeing you and the other greets you with droppy eyelids which refuse to open, the choice seems rather clear, doesn't it?). And each day, I have to ask myself, who do I prioritise? Is it my ever-so-adorable son (alright, alright, I will get around to posting some pics of him soon so that you might share in my adoration!) or my ever-so-loving husband? After all with this new addition to the family, there is no corresponding increase in the amount time I have in a day. Of course, my new posting has given me much more time that I used to have when I was a teacher (and don't ask me what it is exactly that I do; I am still in the process of outlining my job description) but it remains that I only have that many hours left in a day after I get back from work. When previously all I did after a day of work was to come home to doppy and spend time with him, I now feel torn between my duty as a mother and my duty as a wife. Strangely enough, the husbands/fathers never seem to experience this dilemma. I believe that it is a somewhat, more-or-less, self-inflicted conflict that a wife/mother imposes on herself. On one hand, I think I should be spending every available moment I have with xp in order to bond with him and nurture him (especially when I am already gone for the most part of the day and leaving him in the care of someone else). On the other hand, I also think that I should nurture my relationship with doppy in order to provide xp with a loving and secure environment to grow up in. After all, I would not want him to grow up with parents who hardly speak with each other or worse, who lead or perhaps, in the worst case scenario, live separate lives.

Does that mean that ultimately, xp is still my priority? Does this mean that once a kiddo comes into the picture, one's spouse takes a back seat till the kiddo is capable of taking care of (kid)self? Is it wrong of me to leave my son with my help to go out for an evening of clubbing and soccer-watching the next night with my hubby? How does one ration the finite time and energy one has fairly? Can it ever be quantified?

I guess at the end of the day there is no right or wrong answer. And I guess there is no one answer for everyone. Ultimately, I think it boils down to communication between the couple so that each others' needs and expectations could be negotiated and re-negotiated and eventually be met. Thus far, doppy is still quite forthcoming and honest with me about his feelings and also rather understanding towards me. Nevertheless, I must remember I am merely the earth who revolves around the moon and the moon eventually revolves around the sun which is not me (a rather nice analogy that doppy drew for me). And so I must not forget that eventually when XP leaves the meowmeow litter, it is doppy who will stay with me for the rest of my lazy days and hence I must not forget to nurture our relationship for its own sake.

Doppy is remarking that no one will have the patience (or interest) to read such a long post and so I shall end this post here. I will be back with more thoughts of mine to share! :)

'Mummy Porn'

This article really strikes a chord with me and it was doppy who pointed me to it. I am really blessed to have a husband who is 100% supportive of my decisions and perhaps more importantly, not buying into 'mummy porn'. Even when we were discussing about parenthood (yes, I know, it's hard to imagine doppy holding a serious conversation but he is really quite capable of having one, you know!) way before I conceived xp, we have both been very open with each other on how we intend to juggle family and work commitments. Doppy was worried about taking on a job that would require him to travel too much in xp's early years whereas I was not quite prepared to be the stay-at-home-mum. I am very glad that doppy has never expected my career (whatever little is left of it!) to take a back-seat in our marriage and he's fully prepared to work with me to find the best solution in which we can both grow as individuals and as a couple and parents too. I am also thankful that I have PJ who always gave it to me on parenthood which help to disbunk some of the parenting myths that the media and advertisements perpetuate (think all the pictures where the baby is lying contended at the mummy's breast, breastfeeding happily. Boy! I should have taken photos and videos of how difficult it was to get xp to breastfeed!).

I resolve not to feel guilty about having to leave my boy with my help for it does not mean that I love him any less. There is no one perfect way of parenting though I do take my hats off to mothers who choose to take on caring for the baby full-time for I know how all-consuming and tiring it can be.

The hardest part of my job is that everyone lies about parenting

When I was growing up, there was lots of chatter in the media about how models gave girls bad role models. Today that’s old news. What we should talk about now is how the media portrays moms.

Take a look at the spread in People magazine of Jennifer Lopez and her one-month-old twins. The photos are so elegant that at first I thought it was a parody. But in fact, it is mommy porn: the visual fantasy of what being a working mom could be. And it really could be that, if it weren’t that someone like Jennifer Lopez must have a household full of helpers in order to keep her career on track while she has kids: a cook, a trainer, two or three nannies, a cleaner, an assistant, a stylist. And others I’m sure I can’t even imagine.

Here’s another example of mommy porn: Angelina Jolie, and her fifty kids. She has a rule that the nannies (plural, yes, each kid has their own) cannot be photographed holding the kids, because it’s bad for Angelina’s image as a mom. But this is the problem: It looks like these very successful women have it all, even though they don’t.

Here’s what happens:  Some reporter interviews someone about their big job. And then the person ends up talking about the mythic work-life-balance topic. And they say something like, “Throughout my career I did [insert something that is supposed to be wonderful for children] for my kids.” And now, of course, we must assume that the kids are doing fine.  But why do we believe that? Why do we even ask? We have no hope of learning the truth. After all, there are very few people in the world who are in a position to say that their career is, as they speak, harming their kids.

So journalists writing about moms being moms are not reporting the truth. It is propaganda. It is parents saying that they lived their lives in a way that was good for their kids. But really, who knows? The reporter has little ability to check. So all we’re left with is the parents giving their subjective and hugely biased opinion that their kids are turning out fine.

I’m not saying that every kid is messed up from their parents’ careers. I’m saying that I’m sick of learning about how famous families want us to think they are doing by looking at what is really only mommy porn, what is really just parenting propaganda.

So look, in the interest of truth-telling, I’m telling you this: people are not being honest about what it’s like to be with kids. People are scared to admit that they would rather be at work than with their kids, because work is easier than parenting. (Notable exception: Sally Krawcheck.) If I have to read about how much someone loves their kids one more time, I’m gonna puke. Because we all know that parents love their kids. It’s not interesting. It’s not helpful. It’s not even very relevant. For anyone.

What’s interesting is the part where parents love their kids but don’t love being with them on a daily basis. It’s very scary to write. But I’m telling you, if the feeling weren’t ubiquitous then there would be no one to be in middle management working 9-5 because they’d all be home with their kids, doing freelance work after bedtime.

People are choosing to go to work rather than stay with their kids all day. But no one talks about making this choice because they are scared their kids will read it. I’m not sure what the right answer is. I just know that somehow there has to be a more honest discussion of parenting in this world.

So with all the mommy porn, the media does a lot to make us think that work life balance is possible, in the same way anorexic bodies without treatment for anorexia is possible.

So there’s real damage from mommy porn. Everyone begins thinking that every woman should be parenting gracefully while working full time. This gives people the temerity to ask me, nearly every day: Who takes care of your kids?

That’s right. The genesis of this rant is that I was meeting with an investor – a guy in his early 40s – and we were talking about my travel schedule and he asked, “Who takes care of your kids?”

I told this to one of my board members and he said, “What??? Why did you answer that question?”

I said I answer it because I get the question every single day. Literally. And I don’t think twice about it anymore. But in fact, it’s a totally offensive question. Here’s how I’m so sure: I tried it out on Mr. Sales Guy. And even though Mr. Sales Guy and I work the same number of hours, he said something to the effect of, “I’m not really sure what goes on with the kids all day, you have to ask my wife.” He answered the question as if we were doing girl talk. As if I had asked him, “What brand of tampon does your wife use?”

So I want to tell you something: Women earn more than men in most major cities today. And in corporate America, up and down the ladder, women and men are on equal footing in the workplace in terms of who gets paid what, as long as neither party has kids. But the level of expectations people have for parenting is absolutely insane. The mommy porn feeds this problem. Everyone is drawn to the ideal of Angelina Jolie as the perfect combination of careerist and mother like the Pied Piper’s tune, and these attitudes are more exhausting to me than any amount of actual parenting ever is.

The hardest part of my job is that everyone lies about parenting » Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk

A Most Eventful Saturday

In the morning, we took xp for his immunisation shot at the polyclinic. It has been ages (and I really do mean ages!) since I last visited a polyclinic. And gosh! It has changed so much. The polyclinic is no longer the dingy place that I remember it and nowadays, you can even make appointments in advance. I was very pleasantly surprised when I received an sms reminder about xp's appointment. The polyclinics have really come a long way. Having said that though, it is still jam-packed with people who do not see the need to go to a GP and are there to see the doctors. As it was our first visit, not only did xp had to have his shot injected, he also had to see a doc and that took some time.

While waiting for our turn outside the room, it was really quite frightening. There were children of all ages there for their immunisation shots, be it compulsory or voluntary ones. Surprisingly, the ones who howl the loudest are not the infants but rather the toddlers! I guess the infants just do not know any better and once the pinprick sensation is over, they actually pipe down cos they do not remember the pain. The toddlers on the other hand remembers the pain and would begin bawling in earnest when they are taken into the room again for the nurses to check the injection site for they have begun to develop a phobia for the needle. XP took his injection relatively well, giving only a loud yelp and some crying at the point of the injection. Perhaps the dosage was not a really powerful one too as he only took one shot of Hep. B. But we were glad that he did not go on to develop a fever or turn cranky.

It was also very reassuring to know that xp was growing well and in all aspects of his growth, he was the 75th percentile on the growth chart. Initially, we were a little concerned about whether we were feeding him enough. As I am trying to get him to settle into a pattern, I tried to time his feeds and if he fussed before it was time to feed, I would actually not give him his milk. Doppy thought that it was rather cruel of me for he could empathise with xp's sensation of feeling hungry very well (I also refuse to give doppy food if he has had a big dinner but still feels peckish come supper time. You can also tell very easily who our son takes after in terms of his appetite!) and was worried that I was starving our son. We were also a little worried as our son did not seem to experience 'pong-ni' (涨奶) and have his cheeks and limbs all puffed up from drinking milk. Our son actually looks rather lanky and he is definitely a far cry from the Michelin babies that one is used to seeing. So we breathed a sigh of relief when the weighing scale showed us that he was 5.2kg (GOSH!) and he now lies along a length of 61cm. Since xp is our first child, we also have no idea what constitutes normal or average and could only recall to the best of our memory how PJ Junior looked like at his age to serve as a gauge. And so we were happy to find that our son is developing well and he's a healthy baby.

After the very busy morning, we then rushed to IMM for doppy to get a new pair of spectacles. If you have not realised it by now, he damaged his very expensive Armani (or was it another brand?) pair that he is presently wearing playing soccer at work. The frame was distorted beyond salvation and thus he needed to get a new pair. It was also while we were browsing for his frames that we stumbled upon a pair of rimless ones for me. :P Since he had not gotten me a birthday present yet, I sneakily convinced him to pay for my spectacles as a birthday present for me. I'm looking forward to collecting our spectacles.

Thereafter, it was another mad rush to drop xp at my grandma's place before we headed down to Hort Park for PJ and Darth Binky's 5th Wedding Anniversary Celebrations. The place was very picturesque and both doppy and I thought it was a most lovely place to hold private functions. It was also there that I broke my teetotalism as the call of Brewerkz IPA was too strong to resist. It has been so long since I had beer and no matter how hard I tried to nurse my cup of beer, I downed 2 cups of beer without an hour or so. Bearing in mind that I am still breastfeeding though, I had to throw away my cup to prevent me from getting refills. The food that was catered from Lavish was very scrumptious and both doppy and I had many helpings despite us going for a wedding dinner later on that night. The lovely couple with their lovely daughter were great hosts too and I really enjoyed myself catching up with my girls who I have not met for a while. Twas a pity that we had another wedding dinner to go to and hence we did not take xp along with us for the anniversary celebrations and we also had to leave early. It did not help that we were attending the wedding dinner more out of obligation rather a genuine wish to be there.

So pretty, right? Wait for me to upload the photos taken by Petals and invite you to view the entire album. :)

And so it was with great reluctance and regret that we had to give up good company, food and beer to troop to Raffles City for doppy's cousin's wedding dinner. Traffic there was sheer madness for not only did we have to contend with the shopping crowd, there were also 3 wedding dinners that were being held simultaneously! The line to get into Raffles City's carpark was insanely long and in the end, we did a most pragmatic thing and parked our car at Shaw Towers where doppy had season parking and took a leisurely stroll to Raffles City for the dinner. Doppy's brother had to pay $15 for valet parking to get a lot at Raffles City itself and we ended up being earlier than my mil even though we parked much further away.

The wedding dinner was nothing to blog about except that 1. the bride had 16 jie-meis!!! all of whom wore custom-made gowns! and 2. the groom was a very young VP-to-be at 27 years of age. Needless to say, the wedded couple were both scholars lah and doppy had a ball of a time poking fun at everything with his bro's girlfriend who has a most caustic tongue too. We of course had to leave the dinner early as we still needed to pick xp up from my ah-mah's place and it was close to midnight by the time we settled down for the night.

Apart from the wedding dinner that was more of an obligation than anything else, our day was a most eventful and enjoyable one. Xp's going for his three-shots jab in about 1.5months time when he turns 3mo and we hope that that will go as smoothly as this one did.

Stay tuned for my next post on how much monies I have spent on revamping my wardrobe! :P

What a weekend is like when you become parents

For all intents and purposes, the previous weekend is our first one flying solo (is there another phrase that conveys the same meaning?) as parents. Previously, we had our confinement lady with us and we did not really have to assume parental responsibilities full time.

And so on Saturday, we decided to take F on her orientation programme at my aunt's house and also to begin to set up xp's second home. After the usual routine of bathing, feeding and burping him (all of which was done by F), we spent about 45min packing the things we need to take to my aunt's place and the baby bag that was to last xp's excursion for the afternoon. This was also doppy's first time experiencing taking xp out without our confinement lady's help and capable stewardship and he was surprised at how long it took us to get out of the house.

We arrived at my aunt's place at around 1.30pm and immediately got to work in setting up xp's second home. Doppy unpacked the playpen and went about converting it into a bed for xp. I took care of the other baby paraphernalia such as setting up the milk-making station and bottles sterilisation corner. By the time we were done placing everything and xp was exploring his new environment from his new bed, it was 3.30pm. We then decided to let F fly solo on her own at with my grandma and we scooted off to Expo for the Robinson and Motherhood (or so I thought) sale.

When we got to Expo, we went for a quick bite at the foodcourt where the food prices astounded me once again. I paid $9 for two bowls of noodles and $5 for three drinks. Doppy was once again bemused at my reaction and took the opportunity to rib me about how I had lost touch with the outside world. After our expensive and not exactly satisfying meal, we went in search of the Motherhood sale thinking we could pick up some stuff that we would need a second set of for xp's stay at my aunt's place. Alas, I had apparently remembered the date wrongly and the event was to be held on the following weekend! We ended up at the Popular sale instead where doppy and I picked up 2 books at unbelievable bargain prices.

An interesting resource file that I picked up for $9.90!

Can you believe that doppy got this for $4.90 with an additional 20% discount no less?

We then proceeded to Robinson's sale where we finally got a new bedding set (yes, yes, we have survived on one set of bed-linen since our marriage. It's called the wonders of a dryer which allows you to wash and dry your entire bed-linen in 3 hours flat!), some porcelain soup spoons to replace the broken or missing ones in our drawers and baby sunblock for xp (even in shopping, he's constantly on my mind) amongst other things. When we were done at Robinson, doppy tried to tempt me with an evening out in town but the call of our son was stronger as I was afraid that we did not pack enough milk powder for him to last him for his feeds. And so it was back to my aunt's place we went to pick xp and F up before heading back home to take our dinner and turn in for the night. And this was only at 7.30pm on a Saturday night! In our not-so-distant days of couplehood, we would have only been meeting up with friends for dinner and movie in town. Now that we are parents and I have to do the graveyard shift (and the word 'graveyard' has taken on an entire new meaning for me. I literally feel like I want to drop dead and die on some nights!), we had to settle for a takeout dinner at home and hit the sack earlier as we had planned on taking xp to the park early Sunday morning.

Park, you ask, did you say park? Doppy? Go to the park? Where there is sun and other parents with their annoying children and prams? Yep, that's right. Doppy is a changed man now. If you recall, the last time doppy voluntarily proposed walking in a park, it resulted in a marriage proposal. Ever since then, he has never mooted the idea again. But now that he is a father, I think he's thinking of more wholesome activities for xp that would allow him to explore of the world that we live in.

And so it was on a Sunday morning that milord actually roused from his sleep at 9am! Sundays are typically sleep-in days for doppy and even when I was pregnant, I had to resort to beg for half an hour or so and promise favours of certain kind to make him wake up to take brunch (not breakfast, mind you!) with me. Now, he gamely jumps out of bed at the prospect of taking our son to the park. We thought of taking xp to West Coast Park where we could enjoy our cuppa while he takes in the natural air.

However, it occurred to me that 1. our son is an air-con baby and as excited as his father might be about the park, our dear son might not take to the heat so well and 2. West Coast Park MacDonald's is sheer madness on a Sunday morning and we are going to have trouble negotiating a pram around. We did not intend to take F with us partly because we want some family time alone and partly because I think she also needs some time away from xp to do her chores and regain her sanity. Hence, it was of vital importance that we venture out with xp to a place where he would be sufficiently comfortable so that he would not make a fuss and where we would be able to handle him.

Thus I counter proposed that we take xp to Vivocity where the aisles are wide enough for strollers and the place family-oriented enough for shoppers not to give us dirty looks should xp decides to howl. We spent close to 2 hours at Coffeebean and Tea Leaves taking our breakfast and reading the papers with xp in tow and we managed to change his diapers, feed him successfully (i.e. he did not vomit!) and prevented him from becoming too big a public nuisance. At the end though, doppy still did not manage to finish his coffee and I did not manage to finish reading the papers too. Though Xp was far from being the perfect baby as he did fuss a little when he wanted to sleep (there were many I saw, the ones who were contended in just lie in their prams and take everything in!), he was sufficiently good for us to survived our trip. We even went to Toys'rus for his dad to get a rattle to 'zhng' his pram. It is really so easy to just keep buying toys for the little tyke. I had to consciously tell myself that at this stage, he would outgrow 0 mths+ toys very quickly and we should not be buying too expensive or too many toys for him.

After taking him home and handing him over to F, we headed out again for our very late tunch at IMM where I promised doppy that we would pick up a couple of dvds to make up for missing Narnia with him (we had to give away the free tics he got for donating blood! :( as I did not want to make it a habit to keep leaving xp with F as and when we wanna go out). After our brief shopping trip, we came home and doppy decided that he wanted to watch Appleseed Ex Machina. Surprisingly, it was an anime that I enjoyed very much too. Perhaps it was because it was a Hollywood production and produced by John Woo and we had a hoot of a time identifying the scenes that were Woo's signature style. After anime, we broke for dinner which was dumplings that I bought from IMM and then we popped in another dvd, Mission Impossible, into the player. By the time the show ended, it was 11pm. Time for bed again.

And that was how our weekend flew us by. We went from folks who used to hang out in town and catch all the latest shows to stay-at-home uncle and auntie who watch reruns on TVs and old movies on DVDs. Can't say that we have gotten used to it yet as there were still times when we catch ourselves thinking if we could afford to go and 'modern' in town. Doppy said that it was me who could not bear to be apart from xp. Truth be told, I just did not want to give him over entirely to F for I would be extremely upset if he grows to be more attached to her than to me. Strangely though, the fathers (not just doppy, but most fathers) do not seem to have this fear or concern. They seem to take it for granted that the moment the little tyke is able walk and talk, they would naturally gain the tyke's affection as they would be playing with him/her. Perhaps it is the fact that he came from my body and I was the one who had carried him for 9 months. The thought that he would prefer another woman to me is unbearable. And bonds could only be built if we were to spend time together. And that is why no matter how difficult it is to care for him at night and how much I wish at times to just ask F to take care of him at night too, I remain stubbornly insistent that I would care for him at night. For that would be the only time come the time I go back to work when I would be able to hold him and cuddle him for a while and rain kisses on him.

I think I have rambled on enough. Come Saturday, xp would be going for his immunisation jabs. Stay tuned to read about our experience. :)

I have always known it's no joke going out with a baby in tow ...

but it is only today that I truly experience how not funny it is!

When TINS notified me that the restaurant in IKEA might be closed for renovation, my first thought was, Dang! How am I going to make it to Anchorage for lunch and back with a pram?! It's one thing to just saunter over (even in my preggie state) for food and then saunter back for shopping, it's another thing to have to lug a pram and cross an overhead bridge. Albeit, I have help but nevertheless, our pram is not a light one and F hasn't quite got the hang of operating it yet.

Thank goodness for the all powerful internet which allowed me to check for the latest update on IKEA Alexandra renovation. The restaurant has already been renovated and it is now 30% bigger. To err on the side of caution, I even rang up IKEA just to confirm that the restaurant is open for business. That was how control-freaked I was.

I plotted our morning activities down to the last minute. I timed his feeds so that he could take his shower in the late morning in time for another 90ml of feed before we go out so that he would be a quiet and satisfied baby.

We arrived at IKEA at about 11.10am before the lunchtime crowd hit the restaurant. After surveying the layout, PJ and I decided to zero in at a corner table as between the two of us, we had one HUGE pram, 3 bags, a hyperactive toddler and a possible howling baby. We figured that having a corner to ourselves is good as we could have some privacy (or rather we were trying to protect the world from us) and some space to park our barang barang. After settling everyone in, PJ and I proceeded to queue up for food.

Twas only when we were choosing our drinks that we both realised we had forgotten to swipe our card for the coupon before we went to the restaurant. And so while I went ahead to juggle two trays containing food for 3 adults and 1 kiddo, PJ went back out to get the discount coupons. Thereafter, it was attempting to fit all the plates of food and cups of drinks on a small table and trying to prevent a most helpful toddler from taking the food and feeding everyone at the table. PJ Junior was a most adorable toddler though. She helped herself to my fries without asking but promptly made up for it by offering one fry to me (yes yes, I know. She's offering me my own food!). She was also most concerned about the baby who could only drink milk and could not partake in the delicious spread on the table.

So between feeding a toddler and baby, we took almost an hour for a simple lunch over which the adults hardly had a complete conversation on any topic. Then it was to change my son's clothes as he puked over it (as always!) before the ladies took a toilet break and finally, after almost 2 hours since we met up at my place, we hit the store proper.

After picking up a couple of items and attempting to cajole PJ Junior to go from one section to another by lying to her that there is a dragon waiting for her in the next one.

It wasn't long after that xp began fussing. We checked our watches, and it was merely an hour just after his feed so he couldn't be hungry yet. Perhaps he was experiencing discomfort in his stomach and wanted to be burped. And so F and I took turns to carry him (or rather, I always snatched him back from F's arms!) and then suddenly, PJ noted that my son had stuff on his face! It turned out that he had regurgitated without my realisation when he was in my arms and I had rubbed his face in his own vomit and his entire cute, handsome face was covered curdled milk! And so it was pit stop to clean him up, changed his bib, soothed him (trust me if you had your face rubbed in regurgitated curdled milk, you would fuss too!) and then we resumed our journey.

Just as we thought xp had settled down in his pram and enjoying the ride, he began fussing again. This time, he had pooped. And so we found a little corner where F and I had to wipe his buttocks, changed his diapers, get rid of the bio-hazardous diaper before we could proceed any further. That took up another 15min or so and by now, my back was protesting from the constant bending down to pick him up from his pram and to change him.

Finally, we made it to Level 1 of IKEA. By this time, almost 3 hours had passed and we had barely shopped. We shopped at no more than 2 sections when xp fussed AGAIN! This time round, when we checked, his tummy was covered in shit and even his shirt was stained by his poop! If you are wondering how in the world does one shit until the poop covers one's tummy, that was our exact question too! That poor boy dirtied himself so badly it took half a pack of travel pack tissue and almost one entire pack of wet tissue for us to clean him up. He also dirtied his mittens and his trousers and that warranted another entire change of clothes. By this time, almost 3 hours had passed since lunch (yes, I know! Where did the time go????) and I realised that it would time soon for his feed again. I convinced PJ that we should head home soon and so we did a cursory tour of the ground level before heading for the checkout counter.

True to my prediction, he began crying in earnest in the car. No amount of rocking or cajoling could calm him. Even PJ Junior's sweet made-up song, 'Baby, don't cry', could not make him stop. To milk him a bottle of milk at this point in time would take too long not to mention near impossible cos the bag was in the boot and so I did what I could and pulled up my shirt, unclasped my bra cup and breastfed him. Just in case PJ and F who were seated in front did not know what was happening at the back, PJ Junior took care to inform all that 'Baby is drinking milk from auntie xx's deh-deh'. Yes. That was what she said in verbatim! Though I was most impressed by her ability to form a complete and coherent sentence, I was also concerned about how many people she was going to repeat this story to. Then again, if I could flash passing cars with my erect and dripping nipple (I had to stop occasionally to burp him you know, otherwise he would vomit on PJ's new car leather seat which I could not afford to pay!), I probably shouldn't care too much about who PJ Junior repeats her story to. :P

And so it was after 4 hours of bravery or sheer foolhardiness that I survived my first outing with my son without his dad! Of course I probably would not have been able to do it without F's help but nevertheless it was a huge step for me.

Did I enjoy the trip? I can only say that all three of us, F, baby and I were dead beat when we reached home. Fortunately, I did not come home empty-handed. In between feeding baby and cleaning him up, I managed to buy a container for his toys, a play gym for him and a side table for my hubby to place his laptop in the room (must remember the other important man in my life mah!).

And if you are wondering what my son is doing right now, guess what?! Yep! He just howled for milk and is right now fast asleep again. And it shall soon be time for me to express my milk. Till the next post, tis adieu for now! :)

Flying Solo

Yes, that's right. Our confinement lady left us on 28 May 08 (Wednesday) morning and the mmf are now officially flying solo with the entire parenting business.

First up is what doppy calls 'a GOOD problem'. Our help, F, is wonderful with xp, so much so she's just about the only one who can soothe him when he makes a fuss. :( I went through a bout of 'what-kinda-shitty-useless-mother-am-I' yesterday after spending a day caring for xp with her. The whole of yesterday, I was more like the help and F the mother. I was the one running around getting the bottles ready, warming up the milk, preparing the bed etc etc while she was the one carrying him and soothing him. :( It is not for the lack of trying that I did not get to carry my own son. Every time he fussed, I tried to calm him down. But he simply refused to pipe down in my arms. The moment F carried him though, he would stop crying. Being persistent, I observed what exactly it was that she did and tried to replicate it. But nothing fooled the little one. Perhaps it was my fault because I was too anxious about F not coping without the confinement lady and having to be on her own. Thus for the first month or so, I virtually left the caring of the baby to her to make sure that I could trust her to be alone with xp when I go back to work. I think this has backfired on me cos now, xp truly prefers her to doppy or me. :( The silver lining in the cloud is that our help seems to care for him genuinely and doesn't mind taking care of him. I think she's beginning to develop affection for him (and him, her) and would see to his every need ungrudgingly. She has sayanged xp to sleep so many times that she can almost hum the entire nursery rhyme CD that Phoenix gave us. According to our confinement lady, she even sings to xp in Tagalog! Oh well, as doppy tried to console me, this is a GOOD problem. At the very least I know that xp is in good hands when I do eventually go back to work and he would not be balling his eyes or yelling his lungs out. I just got to come to terms with myself that I am not as good as my help in meeting his needs. Sigh...

On a more positive note, last night was the best I had with xp. :) I managed to feed him on time (of course my muscles complained this morning from the vigorous workout I gave them last night from sitting up very quickly) and changed his diaper without him breaking out in his howl. We had a relatively quiet night till 6am in the morning which was quite a feat for me for I had never been able to achieve that! I had needed my confinement lady's help every single night he slept with me in the first week so inevitably, I would do something wrong or not fast enough and she would need to intervene to stop him from howling the entire block of flats down. I think last night was God's way of consoling me and telling me that I am not that sucky a mother. As long as I am willing to sacrifice my sleep (I only had a shut-eye from 11 plus to 2am and then from 3am - 4.30am before passing him over to F and catching up on my sleep from 6.45am - 8.45am) and have it interrupted, I could still care for him at night. Poor doppy though is not as 'strong' as me. The moment he loses too much sleep or has his sleep interrupted once too many times, he would wake up with his nose bleeding. Lucky for xp, one of his parents is used to burning the midnight oil to rush her assignments at the eleventh hour or to study for a test that she had not prepared for and thus going without sleep did not have much effect on her. Two bottles of chicken of essence early in the morning helps too, I guess. :)

A somewhat (ir)relevant point just occurred to me. I am so glad that other people could not really look into my house as these days, I am usually sitting and walking around topless with just my bra on. It is so darn troublesome to express milk or to breastfeed with a T-shirt and the weather is so freaking hot and since F has already seen me topless, I figured that it was so much more practical to go topless and just wear my nursing bra. Some of you at this paragraph might be going, TMI!!!! and WTF is the point of this paragraph. Well, my point is, it is important to choose a unit that gives you your privacy and not have other people look into your home. And ... I am glad that I insisted on this same condition when we were scouting for our new home. So yes, we chose a unit that faces the AYE which is not the most ideal of choices but the privacy it affords me makes the trade-off worth it. :)

Back to our parenting adventures. Tomorrow is a big step for me. I am going to take xp out on my own to IKEA! Well ... actually not quite on my own lah. I managed to coerce or rather bribe PJ to pick me up with the promise of a free Swedish lunch for her daughter and her. And F of course has no choice but to go with me. Nevertheless, we are venturing out of the meowmeow litter without the alpha male tomcat to protect us. It shall also be xp's first experience in the stroller that we bought donkey years ago! I hope that xp would not bring the store down with his cries and be blacklisted by IKEA.

So stay tuned for more adventures of the mmf! :)

"Tell me again why we decided to have a baby?" - the mother's story

And so, doppy has given all a pretty accurate and humorous recount of our nights. His account however was in broad strokes and written in general terms. I shall now give you my version of last night.

It started well with our confinement lady helping us to put him to bed at about 10pm (right after doppy was done blogging the previous post in bed). His diaper was a new one (mental note to self: change diaper before the second feed in the night so that he would not vomit out the milk due to the movement) and he was full. He was fast asleep and if we keep our fingers crossed, he would be able to sleep till 12 plus 1am (he feeds every 3 hours if he drinks 90ml of formula milk per feed).

So it was to bed we went with some hushed hushed whispers of 'he's very cute hor?' and 'meowme, I love you' and 'I love you too'. I was just drifting off to sleep when suddenly .....!

Both father and son woke up simultaneously, one with an expletive and one with a whimper.

The big baby woke up with a nose bleed, and the small one needed his mid-night feed.

So the mum tried to sit up as quickly as I could but with the weak (or perhaps non-existent!) abdominal muscles from the C-section (oh! I have never realised that one needs those muscles to sit up!), I was unable to do so quickly and instead had to turn to my side and slowly pushed myself up.

By the time I got to the cot, the big baby had already ran to the toilet to prevent his nose blood from staining the bed and I could not depend on the father to soothe the baby. So I patted the baby, whispered words of lies such as 'mummy has milk. mummy will give you milk in a second' and proceeded in my groggy state to make a bottle of formula milk for him.

When I was feeding the bottle to the babe, the big baby had come back to bed. He apologised profusely for not being able to help but he needed to lie down as he was feeling faint. In between trying to get the little one to drink his milk and not vomit it out, I was trying to advise the big one to put his head between his legs to prevent more nose bleeding.

When I was finally done with feeding and burping the little one, I went to make some cooling tea for the big baby. After he had drunk it, he promptly went back to sleep. I then lay down to try to steal a few moments of shut-eye.

It seemed like just seconds when the small one whimpered again. So up again, I got up, checked the clock and it was only 2am. That was too early for his feed and so I checked his diaper and indeed they were full from his urine. So I changed his diaper for him, placed him on my bed, anticipating the next feed at 3am when I shall attempt to breastfeed him lying down.

And so it was with me lying semi-conscious next to the little one, humming the one and only lullaby I know while he fidgeted once a in a while. Promptly at 3am, he started whimpering again. I thought I could cheat him into suckling at my breast so that I would not need to get out of bed to make him his milk. Alas, my ploy did not work. His whimpering did not stop and he kept pushing my nipple out of his mouth with his tongue. To prevent his whimper from becoming a full blown wail and wake his dad who needs to wake up the next morning to go to work, I succumbed and got up to make him a bottle of milk.

After feeding him and burping him (did doppy mentioned in the previous post that it was a repetitive cycle??!!), I thought he was ready to go sleep. And so I placed him in his cot, hummed the lullaby (again!) and patted him to sleep. However by the time I was done with putting him in his bed, an hour and a half had passed from the beginning of his feed and because he had regurgitated some out, he was hungry again!

And so it was back to the milk table I went, made another bottle of milk and fed it to him again. While he was feeding, I sensed or rather heard him pooping again! But because he had yet to finish his feed, I had no choice but let him sit in his shit-soaked diaper to finish his milk. Immediately after he finished his milk, I changed his diaper. He pooped so much that he even soiled his pants and his lower back. So that took another 20min of cleaning up and wearing of pants and it was then I realised that his shirt needed changing too because he had soiled them with his vomit. And so I changed him and by this time, it was 4.30am. I placed him in his cot again went to the living room to express my milk (yes, I still need to keep to my expressing schedule). By the time I went back to my bed, it was 5.15am. He was fidgeting in his cot as he had not enter into deep sleep. He started whimpering again and I had to pick him up again to rock him to sleep. By this time, the little bird residing in the air-con compressor outside our bedroom knew the lullaby I was humming and started whistling the same tune! I kid you not! Initially I thought it was doppy who was whistling but since he was snoring, it could not be him. I swore that the bird was whistling the very same lullaby I was humming to xp!

By the time he finally allowed me to put him to sleep, it was 6am. And yes, you guessed it! He was hungry again because the last time he fed was over 2 hours ago! By this time, he was beginning to wail as he was frustrated from the lack of sleep and hunger. Dawn was breaking and mindful of him waking doppy up, I took him outside. Thankfully, by this time, both our confinement lady and help were awake. They both laughed at my pathetic state and took over the care of xp immediately. My confinement lady ushered me back to bed immediately and I needed no further encouragement.

And so it was at 6.30am that I finally collapsed into my bed and feel into a deep sleep. I slept so soundly, I did not even realise that doppy had woken up and gone to work. I had to sms him to ask if he kissed me goodbye for I had no recollection whatsoever!

Remind me again why we decided to have a baby?

Because in the rare moment when he gives me a most satisfied grin as he is drifting off to sleep, I feel an overwhelming sense of love for him and immense satisfaction and pride that I have managed to see to his needs.

And of course, whenever I look at him, I see a mini-doppy, and he is the proof that we both love each other and he is that product of our love.

That is why we have decided to have a baby.

"Tell me again why we decided to have a baby?"

No, don't be alarmed, neither of us are feeling suicidal or murderous. :)

It's just that, when you're desperately trying to get XP to calm down at 3.30am in the morning so that he will stop crying, so that he will feed, so that he won't be hungry, which is why he was crying in the first place, it can get to you. I asked this question to Lovebell last night and she replied, "Because we love each other" or something to that effect. I was delirious from lack of sleep then and might have misunderstood her. :P

Lovebell and I have only been looking after XP in our bedroom for the last three nights, and it has been challenging, to say the least. On the first night, we made many mistakes and Lovebell ended up changing his clothes three times within the night. On the second night, we learnt from those mistakes, and we ended up having a pretty "steady" night until 3.30am.

The thing about XP is his impatience. When he is hungry, he will start crying. And if he does not get any food within 5 minutes, he will start yelling. And when he is yelling, he will not feed. AND so because he is still hungry, he will continue yelling. And no amount of shoving the milk bottle in his mouth will get him to suck, because he is not yet sentient and can only react to stimuli.

The only way to stop his crying and get him to feed is to first calm him down. But no matter how we hold him, how we hug him, how we pat his bum, or sayang him, he will not stop yelling. Only in the arms of our confinement nanny will he stop. And it's not even like she holds him any differently, I think it's just a matter of chubby arms (or maybe confidence).

To cut a long story short, Lovebell and I tried to calm him down last night for 45 minutes to no avail, in the end, Lovebell succumbed and went to ask our nanny to help. Within 3 minutes of her holding him, he stopped yelling.

Sigh.

If you're wondering what his nightly schedule is like, here's a short summary.

As I write, the cycle is starting. He has started crying (not yelling, thank heavens) and the feed is beginning.

9.30pm - Feed
9.40pm - Mid-feeding burp
9.50pm - resume feed
10.00pm - Finish feed burp (IF NOTHING HAPPENS IN BETWEEN, like pooping or crying from uncomfortable gas)
10.15pm - Sayang for bedtime
10.30pm (if we're lucky) - Falls asleep

Depending on whether he poops or pukes, that will shorten the amount of time in between feeding as it reduces the milk in his belly.

If nothing happens, cycle starts again at about 12 midnight.
Finish cycle at 1am

New cycle at about 3am till 4am. This is usually also the time when his diaper will be soaked through and/or he's pooped so he needs changing. Oh, and when you change his diaper, the movement will cause him to cry, thereby interrupting the feed, and since he is still hungry, esp. if the movement causes him to puke up some milk. This is where we ran into trouble last night. He refused to go back to drinking after we were slow to burp him and caused him to cry from the gas problems.

After all that, at around 4am, he won't go back to sleep cos he's been asleep the last 8 hours, if you include his feeding time, cos he's half asleep when he sucks.

*Yawn*

Anyway, Lovebell was incredibly smart to start this on the Friday night of a long weekend so that I may have some time to recover in between. Hopefully, tonight we will survive this and that our love for XP (AND EACH OTHER) will continue to help us get through this.

Really, all that keeps us going is our love for XP, our love for one another, and pure adrenaline.

SO dear friends, please stand by us for the next 2 months ok? Donations of Illy coffee powder always appreciated. :P

Today's the 15th of May ...

which signifies ..... the END of my CONFINEMENT!

(yes ... yes ... it also happens to be our son's full month but hey! in this day and age, being able to survive up to full month is taken for granted lah ... but for the MOTHER to be able to SURVIVE confinement for a month ... now that's a feat worth blogging about!)

Besides the obvious fact that I am under house arrest for this past one month, there are so many other things that I would not have obliged if not for the fact that I am doing confinement. Where confinement is concerned, as long as the demands are not too unreasonable, I try to accommodate as far as possible lah. My thinking is to err on the side of caution. Old wives' tales or not, I believe that some of the things that are done have been passed down from generation to generation for good reasons. And as all the aunties have been telling me, this one month is the only month that one can try to recuperate from childbirth. If you do not take this window period of one month to build up your health, you will never be able to do it once the month has passed. Then you gotta wait till your next delivery or childbirth in order to build it up again.

So anyway, here are the top 10 things that I learnt about being in confinement. Believe it or not, I actually follow the instructions to the dot (except where I provide disclaimers lah).

1. I could not bathe at all for the 1st week (yes! for the entire first week, I did not even shower at all. By the 4th or 5th night, doppy was trying his damnest to hold his breath when I am awake as he dared not roll away to sleep far far away from me for fear that that will make me blue. According to him though, I stank to high heavens!).

2. The lack of shower was compounded by the fact that for the first 2-3 weeks, I was not allowed to be in the direct path of any draught. That meant that all the windows in my home were shut and even the fans were turned off! I literally sat in my chair and started raining perspiration and was perpetually sitting in my own pool of sweat.

3. With the same concern as the previous point, I had to wear long pants or bottoms that at least cover my knees. Apparently, even my knees could not suffer the slightest draught.

4. I had to wear bunny slippers at home too as apparently my feet cannot come into contact with the cold tiled floor. Parquet floors are fine but not tiled ones. It would cause rheumatism in old age.

5. I had to lie down as much as possible in order to rest my spine. Otherwise, I will be getting backaches for the rest of my life.

6. I have to drink only home-brewed longan red-date tea. Water is only to be drunk when taking western medication. And all drinking must be done while seated. I am not allowed to drink while standing up (I forgot the reason for this!).

7. Everything I eat must have one or more of these ingredients: ginger wine, ginger, DOM and or sesame oil. They supposedly warm the body up and prevent the body from catching a chill. So for the first 2 weeks, while doppy was freezing under the blanket, I was radiating enough heat to warm up the entire bed.

8. I must take 6 meals a day - breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, supper. This is to ensure that I have enough calories to produce breast-milk.

9. As I had a caesarian operation, I am not allowed to eat pig's trotter vinegar as the black vinegar could prove to be too 'exciting' for my wound.

10. I must avoid seafood (except for fish) for 3-6 months. This is to prevent toxic from getting into my body and affecting my wound too (Dang! And there I was ... plotting to celebrate the end of my confinement with doppy by going for a seafood dinner. Guess that will have to wait then!).

So there you have it. The top 10 things I learnt about being in confinement. Boy, am I glad that I have regained my freedom!!!

Come tomorrow night though, we are moving xp into our room. So stay tuned for more adventures in the meowmeowland where the two big meowmes shall have their turn at taking care of the little kitty who cries in a language which the big cats have yet to learn how to decipher. :O

The party was in his honour ...

but he slept through it blissfully.

His folks were awake since 0800hr (which was a feat for his dad on a Sunday) to prepare for the big day.

First to arrive was actually his grand aunt as she arrived earlier to cut his hair symbolically. His confinement lady could not bear to shave him bald on his big day so they only clipped a bit of his hair as a keepsake.

Thereafter, his aunt, his mum's cousin, arrived to coo over him. She insisted that he was the cutest baby on earth and kept snapping away at him with her mobile phone so that she could go to her company to show him off to her colleagues. His mum jokingly remarked to her aunt that her daughter should get herself hitched asap and have her own child soon. She also mentally reminded herself to introduce her to her hubby's single friends when they arrive later.

Then the moment arrived. At 1030hr, his nai-nai and ye-ye arrived. She practically bounced through the door, such was her excitement. She stopped short though when she realised that there were already guests in the house. His mum had forgotten to tell her mil that his grand-aunt would be there earlier to cut his hair. There was a moment of awkward silence as his nai-nai was at a loss of how to introduce the man who stood beside her. His mum saved the day by greeting loudly, 'Mummy! Uncle!'. His dad greeted 'Uncle' and promptly started disappearing into the kitchen.

Now that the initial introduction (and awkwardness) was over, he promptly took the centre-stage. His nai-nai promptly took out her gifts to present them to him. She bought him a gold anklet (which his grandaunt later unceremoniously remarked, 'Chay. It's such a small one. Your great-grandma and I will buy a bigger one for you, k?' All this was said in the presence of his dad no less who merely smiled bemusedly to himself at the hao-lian nature of his mum's teochew relatives) and gave him a red packet too. His nai-nai attempted to wear the anklet for him but she was either too overcome with excitement or had never worn an anklet before for she did not realise that the anklet was designed for one to latch it one at the appropriate length. She put it on for him by latching it from end to end and the anklet ended up dangling on his ankle. After numerous attempts she still did not succeed in wearing it properly on him. Fortunately, there were help at hand and his dad helped him to put on the anklet correctly.

Then the drama unfolded. She promptly wanted to carry the baby and was really excited about holding him in her arms. As this was her first grandchild, her excitement was understandable. His mum, remembering the phonecalls from the few days ago, promptly started cooing to him in her super high-pitched and loud teacher voice which could not be muted, "xxx, you see who have come to see you? It's NAI-NAI and YE-YE orrhhh.... Quick, greet YE-YE and NAI-NAI!!!!" (If at this moment, you are cringing at his mum's sluttiness, you have no right to do so, k? She chooses her battles and knows that there are some that are just not worth fighting over and she might as well put on a good show and make everyone happy.)

And indeed, his nai-nai was so happy that she was grinning from face to face. His mum also heaped appropriate praise of the anklet and took care to remind him that it was bought for him by his nai-nai. All this while, his great grandaunt and aunt were looking on the scene in amazement and trying hard not to turn to each other with incredulous looks. His mum had thrown herself so wholeheartedly into her role that she was oblivious to her surroundings.

His nai-nai then promptly attempt to THRUST him into his ye-ye's arms, all the while repeating ad nauseam, "Ye-ye, you hold him lah. You are finally promoted to the rank of ye-ye leh. Hold him lah, hold him lah."

His mum could not bear to watch any longer and sought escape. His dad came to the rescue with the camera and started snapping away. His mum played along too and promptly posed for pictures. Then it dawned upon her why he was so exuberant about being the photographer. By being the photographer, yes, you guessed it!, he did not have to be in the picture!!!!! His mum felt a sharp stab of betrayal and looked at his dad with incredulous eyes. Alas, he was too busy snapping away to notice the murderous looks that were thrown in his way.

Fortunately, he was a real smart baby. He promptly gave a wail to signal that he wanted his sleep. And so it was back to his cot he went.

His ye-ye also left a few minutes later before the rest of the guests arrived. By this time, his mum and dad were already tired out by the tension and awkwardness and all they wanted to do was wait for their friends to arrive and start enjoying the party.

And what a party it was. He was showered with gifts and hugs abound. Perhaps it was all the festivity that had tired him out but he spent much of his time either nursing at his mum's breast or sleeping. His dad had fun playing the Wii with his friends and his mum also relished the time she had to catch up with some of her friends whom she had not met for some time.

All said and done, it was a great party as his folks felt that they were really blessed with so many people who showered him with so much love and gifts. And so it was, with stuffed stomachs and tired bodies that they all retired to bed that night.

The above recount is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental. :)

So don't say I am being mean to my mil hor?! :P

If you have missed me online ...

0430hr - Express milk at the magic hour (yeah!!! 120ml!!! Enough for one meal and a tea break for xp!)

0745hr - Wake doppy up (What?? Is it dawn already?)

0800hr - Kiss doppy goodbye; struggles to get out of bed but body refuses to listen

0900hr - Express milk to the tune of xp's cries

0930hr - Feed & Burp XP (don't struggle against me, can? You don't want to be burped liao ah? Okie, okie, I will give you more milk.. don't worry I won't starve you .. shhh... shhh..)

1000hr - Breakfast & Pills Diet (shit! running out of goat's rue! Now my left boob cannot rain milk like the shower head! Nevermind, I use hands to squeeze)

1030hr - Attempt to rock XP to sleep (this scene usually ends up with him bawling in my arms and my help on standby waiting to take him away from me!)

1045hr - Feed XP again because he refuses to go to sleep as he is still hungry (gosh! you are really like your dad!)

1055hr - Attempt to burp XP (unsuccessfully of course which leads to the next item...)

1115hr - Change his clothes cos since he didn't burp, he would now vomit milk

1130hr - Change his diapers cos he decides he needs to poop (nevermind, he could have done this 15min ago when I was changing him!!!! But no! He needs to give me the extra practices!!!)

12000hr - Express milk (sigh ... how come supply like dwindling ah? now only 50ml ... :()

1230hr - Cycle of feeding and burping repeats itself (please don't vomit out my precious breastmilk, k? *vomit all over the floor* NOOOOOoooooo......)

1330hr - Lunch (DOM again???) and thereafter steals a nap

1500hr - Express milk (ahhh .. going up a little bit. now 60ml. Yeah! Oh but wait. He needs 90ml nowadays! DANG!)

1530hr - Feeding & Burping again

1630hr - To preserve my sanity, I turn on my computer

1800hr - Express milk (yes yes ... mummy hears you ... daisy's trying her best ... I know you're hungry ... fresh milk on its way!!!)

1830hr - Feeding & Burping AGAIN

1930hr - Semi-intelligent conversation with doppy over dinner (doppy: so what did you do today? lovebell: ...)

2030hr - Pills Time

2100hr - Express milk (by now, my nipples hurt at the mere brush of anything against it, even if it was satin!)

2130hr - Feeding & Burping (why can't he drink slower instead of vomiting all that I expressed??? sob sob)

2200hr - Wish xp good night (okie okie .. sorry we kissed you! Don't cry, k??)

2230hr - Fall into bed, exhausted, yet felt like I have not accomplished anything at all

0430hr - The day starts all over again

But watching him gain more awareness each day and feeling his growing strength when he pushes against my boobs in an explicit protest against the slow flow of milk makes everything worth it. Doppy and I are ridiculously happy and proud of ourselves if we even manage to lull him into 5min of sleep.

We still have a long way to go man.

Gosh! My house is filled with sensitive people...

Everyone here knows that the mmf is not exactly the most sensitive of people. I am slightly better than doppy as my level of empathy is higher (due to my literary training) while doppy's level of sensitivity is usually only activated when he realises that I have kept quiet for 10 minutes or more when I explicitly tells him that I am upset with him.

Our son is the complete opposite of us! His lips quiver at the slightest hint of harsh words directed at him. For some strange reason, he seems to understand when we're 'telling him' off. When he fusses and I comment that he's very 'ba-bai', he will immediately burst into tears in protest and need words of praise to be heaped immediately upon him before he will piped down.

And just yesterday, I made my help cry.

Doppy realises that our living room's reading lamp was broken and asked me if our help had accidentally damaged it. I did not know anything about it so after doppy placed the lamp outside our home to be disposed of, I asked F if she knew that the lamp was broken. She said that she merely lifted the lamp up and it came off from the base and I said it was okie but she must let us know when things were broken or damaged in the house. She nodded and replied, 'Yes, mum' and I left it at that and went back to watching telly.

Imagine my shock when I was poo-pooing in the loo and doppy came into the room to tell me that our help went to him with tears brimming in her eyes and told him that she did not mean to break the lamp but she was sorry and we could dock her pay if we want to. Doppy told her it was okie and we did not hold it against her but thought that it was better that I spoke with her after I was done with my business.

So it was with me knocking on her door and entering her room only to see her promptly burst into tears when I merely uttered the question, "F, why are you crying?'!!! Gosh! So I reassured her that we were not blaming her and that accidents happened and we would not dock her pay .. yada yada yada. In between sobs, I managed to make out that she was afraid that we would return her to the agency cos it was only her first month at work and she had already made mistakes. I had to console her and reassure her that it is okie if accidents happen as long as she tells us about them and not leave us to find out for ourselves. She finally calmed down a little and hopefully was reassured by me.

Before you jump to conclusions and thought that I had spoken harshly with her at the first confrontation, I did not. I merely asked her if she toppled the lamp accidentally while she was mopping the floor, that was all. And I swear that I spoke it in a neutral tone. I was so bemused with her reaction that I told doppy, 'Gosh! If I had really given her a scolding, I think she would have dissolved into a puddle of tears'.

So yeah, methinks it's karma. This is God's way of training the mmf yet again to be more sensitive with our words and actions by giving us two people in our household who are not similarly thick-skinned or thick-headed like us both. We resolve to toughen xp up though so that he won't immediately turn on the faucets the moment his insensitive parents speak out of turn or too directly to him. :P

The Milking Hour ...

is between 4am and 5am.

Don't ask me why but for some reason, at that magical hour, breast milk production is at its highest.

Two nights ago, I managed to express about 80ml worth of milk in one sitting at 4.30am. That's a feat considering that typically, I only produce about 30ml to 40ml in the daytime.

If you thought that it was through trial and error that I found this out, it was not so. The lactation consultant at Mt. A taught me to how to make use of expressing my milk to get my milk flow going. I have to express my milk every 3 hours in my waking hours and make sure that I wake up at 4am - 5am to express in the early morning. Though she did not explain the rationale to me, I faithfully followed instructions.

After conferring with my colleague who gave birth to triplets and was desperately trying to get her factory up and running especially for her youngest baby who need the breast milk to fortify herself for an upcoming operation, she enlightened me that where expressing is concerned, tis the frequency that one does it that affects the milk flow and not the duration of each session. In addition, she also shared with me that the early morning was when the production would be the highest.

And guess what? If you have been following my twitter (available on this blog at the right hand column), you would have known that I managed to repeat the feat of expressing 80ml of milk again today in DAYTIME! Right after he had breastfed at one of my boobies no less! :) I was over the moon and my confinement lady rejoiced with me too. :) She helped to solve the problem with my left boob that was full of milk but simply refused to be expressed.

So yes, I am a most happy mother today. Finally, I have produced enough to give our son a complete feed! GAMBATE! :)

Got milk?

Baby Steps

Nope, I am not referring to XP learning how to walk ... yet. Rather it's the first day that I have experienced some sustained success with breastfeeding!

Since the beginning, XP has no problem latching on to my right boobs as long as we manage to catch him before he is really hungry. The trick is to get him before his real hunger pangs strike him so that he would be contended with my sloooowwww flow.

However, no matter what we did or how we cajole him, he simply refuses to latch on to my left breast. Initially, we attributed it to the non-milk flow as my left boob produces significantly less milk than my right boob does. So we tried to lure him with from the right boob first then give him the left one.

But that didn't quite work.

Then we thought that it was because my left nipple is shorter than my right one (yes, yes, some of you here are reaching new levels with me in our friendship with all these intimate details but motherhood has an amazing way of getting rid of someone's modesty!) and thus it could not reach the back of his mouth for him to suckle well. So I try my damnest to lengthen my nipple by way of expressing and physically TUGGING at it, resorting even to squeezing milk out before he latches on to try to tempt him.

But that didn't work too.

Just as I was going to give up in resignation, our confinement lady wondered, perhaps he only liked lying on one side and not the other. That would explain why he always broke out in tears when I changed the direction and made him suckle on my left breast. So she thought to change my cross-cradle to a football hold so that our silly XP would be tricked into thinking that he was still sucking on the right breast as he was still lying on the same side.

Whether he was really fooled or he was genuinely more comfortable lying on one side of his body than the other, the most important thing was, he latches on now! :) I have managed to successfully breastfeed him thrice today (an ACHIEVEMENT!) and at the last feed, he apparently drank so much of my breast milk that he could not finish his usual formula feed!

So yes! Patience and perseverance indeed pay off and having an experienced confinement lady who is pro-breastfeeding definitely helps! :) She was just sharing with me that she had one mother who had ample breastmilk but for some reason or other, chose to give her baby formula milk instead! And here I am, trying my darnest to get my milk flow going!

So yes, I just want to share my success with everyone and perhaps one day, if some of you are going through the same experience as me, hopefully, this post will serve to encourage you and keep you going!

Keeping my fingers crossed that my milk shall flow faster now and he will continue to latch on tomorrow! :)

P.S. If all I seem to blog about is my baby and my milk, it is because for these few days, that is indeed all that matters. I shall attempt to blog about more intelligent stuff when I regain some of my brain cells, yeah? :)

A Long Overdue Post - Part II

Once again, feel free to skip or skim through this post as it is primarily a post for myself more than for our readers.

The previous post concluded with our stay at the hospital and how appreciative and grateful we are to all the staff at Mt. Alvernia. I am truly glad that I chose this hospital to deliver my baby and honestly, I have nothing but praises for their professionalism and service.

Our first brave step into the outside world with XP took place on 18 April 2008, a Friday. Doppy drove the car round to the reception area to pick us up and by then, XP was beginning to make a fuss. The nursery nurse had accurately assessed that the thirsty little one would require his feed soon and looking at the two hapless parents, she took pity on us and gave us two bottles of formula milk to 'tide us through' in case we needed it.

Throughout the car journey, poor doppy oscillated between a F1 driver and an auntie driving on the left lane on the road. He accelerated in the hope that we could get home soon and attend to the WAILING baby and crawled along when I protest that his driving was throwing us around in the backseat and did not help my stitches a bit.

When we finally got home, the wailing did not stop. Given our very political family situations, we did not have anyone on stand-by at home. Twas just us with our helper, who was apprehensive about offering help due to our cultural differences. Our confinement lady would only arrive in another 3 hours or so and for the time being, we were left with a baby who was crying his lungs out and we had absolutely no idea what to do with him.

It took some detective work for us to figure out that he was crying because he was uncomfortable as he had pooped in his diapers. Now, prior to his arrival, yours truly, one of the most untidy person on earth, actually made an effort under the supervision of doppy and my friends to put away the baby's stuff neatly and ran through my checklist god knows how many times to ensure that I had acquire all the essential items. Inexplicably, when you had a crying baby in your room, a mother who could not move at will due to her operation, a helper who had trouble understanding what you want and a harassed father who was trying his damnest to calm the baby down, the things you need miraculously disappeared. We could not find the wet wipes we need to clean his bottom and resorted to using tissue paper. We could not find the diapers we bought and resorted to using the free sample packs that we collected from our antenatal classes and visits to the doc. Doppy was fearful of hurting the little one while he was changing him as he was still so soft and yet struggling with all his might against his dad. All I could do sitting by the side of the bed was to try to refrain from showing my impatience and kept on trying to encourage doppy by telling him that he was doing the right thing. After 10 minutes of struggle or so, we finally managed to changed his diapers and by then, the bed was strewn with things and the previously neatly packed room and cupboard were in disarray.

But the crying did not stop! Now that he was changed, he wanted to be fed. Remembering all my friends' and the lactation consultants' exhortations, I resolved to ignore his cries and took him into my arms in a bid to breastfeed him. All modesty was lost as I quickly pulled down my dress and with with one hand cradling him, I proceeded to massage my breast as the consultant had taught me. All this while, he was bawling his lungs out and his face was beginning to turn red. I grasped his head in my other hand, forcefully tilted his head, and jammed his head straight at my breast, all the while trying to put my nipple in his mouth. He was suffocated against my breast, and still his crying did not let up. His mouth was full with my boob in them, his nose was pressed against my flesh, his entire body was fighting to get away from me and still I refused to let go. I kept trying to have him latch on to my nipple, all the while chanting in my mind, he can survive 3 days without food and PJ and K said to be hardhearted and not to be affected by his crying. No babies have ever died from crying before and he won't be the first one.

But God, you had no idea how painful it is to watch this tiny precious thing fight against you with all his strength. His entire body was scrunched up in a ball as he gathered all his strength to push against me (and trust me, he was strong for a 5-day old baby), his entire body had turned red from his crying and what was even more heart-breaking was that we could hear his cries had changed in quality. He had run out of lung power to cry (by this time, he had been crying nonstop for almost an hour) and had resorted to using his vocal chords which were rapidly turning hoarse. Doppy was trying his hardest to be supportive of my breastfeeding effort but with the lack of an expert around to reassure us that it was fine, we both finally decided to feed him the formula milk that was given to us by the nurse.

By this time, doppy had received a call from our confinement lady informing him that she was already at the MRT station. You could not imagine our sense of relief. So while doppy was out getting her, I managed to cajole the baby by feeding him the formula milk. Yet the moment he finished, he started crying again. All this while, I was thinking, how long does it take for him to drive to the station and back? And at that instant, the door opened and to say that I looked upon our confinement lady as the saviour was an understatement.

Our confinement lady saw the distress we were in and immediately took charge of the situation and the wailing babe in my arms. Miraculously, the moment she carried him, he piped down and was lulled to sleep. She was really nice to us but commented that we need to be able to differentiate his cries and know which ones to ignore and which ones needed immediate attention. She said that his crying was excessive and was beginning to hurt him as his cries were turning hoarse. You had no idea how much guilt plagued doppy and I at that moment. For the rest of the day, we both wondered how much damage we did to our little tyke but not being able to meet his needs.

When we lay in bed later that night, we both started asking ourselves if we were fit to be parents. Doppy was feeling really useless ever since the confinement lady came since she took over everything and what was worse, she kept asking for things that we did not have - We bought too few mittens; the sleepsuits we had were too big for him; huh? you mean you did not have big towels that you could wrap him up with?; do you have baby lotion?; aiyoh ... this bottle is too big lah .. he could only drink from this when he's older ... you only have these two small ones ah?; hmmm ... we need to get a few more things leh .. etc etc. Doppy was sent to buy things on numerous occasions and still there were times when he bought the wrong items. Me? I felt like a complete failure as my milk refuses to flow and though the confinement lady was really supportive of breastfeeding and tried very hard to help XP latch on to my breast, inevitably he would break out in tears and start wailing his lungs out whenever I tried to let him suckle at my breast.

That night, we hugged each other and tried to console each other as much as we could. We both shed tears of frustration and helplessness and even more out of a sense of failure. We both want the best for XP but we were really clueless. We began to wonder, how will we be able to take care of him?

Thank goodness our confinement lady took care to reassure us that we were like this as it was our first child. XP is also slowly settling down under her expert care and I have tried to get my milk flow going by expressing my milk every 3 hours. Though there were times when I really feel like giving up, doppy's support and kind words kept me going. My entire life now revolves around when I need to express my milk and doppy has been woken up religiously at 4.30am each morning as I had to express my milk between 4-5am in the early morning.

Though the confinement lady and my helper are my life-savers, I honestly would not have been able to preserve my sanity and emotional well-being without doppy. Throughout these few days, he had been nothing but most obliging and gave nary a care to the monies he had been spending. A mere trip to the Chinese medicine hall to get the stuff to cook my confinement food set him back by $200. Diapers and milk powder for the little one another $100. A baby monitor and miscellaneous stuff another couple of hundreds. But it is not all about the monies. Those of you who know doppy would know that he was used to being waited on hand and foot by me. He nary had to care about household stuffs as I used to take care of them. Suddenly, overnight, he had to run the household as I was not up to it and to compound that, he had to live with 3 women and had the same food day in and day out. The house is like a stuffy greenhouse as I must avoid draughts and all the windows are kept tightly closed throughout the day. His only reprieve was when we go to bed cos that was when we could turn on the air-conditioner a little. But even then, he had to sleep next to a stinky meowme who was forbidden to bathe till she gets her clearance from the doc regarding her wound and had to contend with the low humming of the machine and the hissing of the breast pump at 4.30am every morning. Yet despite all these, when he had to make a trip to IMM on the second day to get more things for our little one, he took the trouble to buy me a diamond pendant to show his appreciation for me and encourage me on my breastmilk pumping efforts.

With such a loving husband and a strong and healthy son, what more can I ask for?

And so it is that I give thanks to the Lord for the two men He has given me and the blessings He has showered upon me. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve it but it is with His Grace and Love, that I am blessed with my husband and son.

Praise you Father Lord and with all my heart, I give thanks to you.

Amen.