Scheduling my life

As with all things, I have been reminded to post since Lovebell posted something today. :)

Many things in life are like that. You don't remember to do a certain thing because everyday you already have so many things to deal with. This is why I've been trying to fix my exercise days on specific days of the week so that it becomes part of the routine.

Likewise, I am thinking of fixing a specific time everyday to study French. Right now, I tell myself I'll study when I'm free, but as long as I have other things to see, read, do, watch, play, I'll never get around to reading the textbook.

So, what's a good suggestion for studying? :)

I know Yogi wakes at 430am to do yoga everyday. Should I follow his lead and wake up earlier to study and spend breakfast time with my boy?

Little XT has left the nest. - Lovebell

This morning we took XT to the childcare centre as usual. Along the way, he didn't behave the way he used to do. Beyond the usual self-entertaining antics in the car, such as the singing of his favorite "twinkle ah", he was quite the normal self. There was no crying, no screaming, no clinging on to anyone.

"Blue car! Double-decker bus! Red train! Motorcycle zoom zoom!"

When we got to the centre, XT promptly went and sat down and took off his shoes, while demanding that we "take off other shoe ah!" (i.e. I would take off one and he would take off one). This was swiftly followed by him picking up his shoes and going "where's cubby hole?". He then pointed at his own photo and put his shoes neatly into the cubby hole.

(Yes, XT is prone to dictating to himself and talking about himself in the third person)

Zhao LaoShi was not there to take his temperature today, so he was a bit disoriented then. But when another teacher came out to greet him, he sat down at once and obediently opened his mouth and showed her his hands for the health screening.

After that, he stood up, turned around, looked at us as we said "Bye bye!" and then turned and walked inside without a word or tear.

Our XT has grown up.

Je suis etudiant.

As most of you know, I'm currently learning French. I'm going through Elementary 4 right now, and I hope to at least finish E6 before deciding whether to go on to Intermediate. Each module is 8 wks worth of lessons and costs about 300 bucks.

Learning French has been a really good experience for me. I have lots of fun in class, and I feel mentally engaged and challenged. At the same time, I feel like I'm learning something useful, and who knows what this experience might lead to.

Believe it or not, I actually enjoy going to class and doing homework. Just as I like playing silly flash games, the reason behind this is in the thrill of completing a challenge. And getting the right answers for my homework really makes me feel good as it shows that I understand the lesson and have been able to internalise some of it.

To reach the next step of ability would require me to immerse myself much more deeply in the language. This would entail French television, books, or even a person to converse to in French. With that kind of practice, a lot of sentences would become much more second nature, rather than me having to translate from English right now.

Some day, I hope to be able to write a short post in French. I won't even try now. :P

What a weekend!

The Hari Raya Puasa long weekend has come and gone. I'm now drinking drain water in mcdonald's waiting for the right time to walk over to my meeting.

Even though it was a rather uneventful weekend, I think we had lots of fun doing nothing.

XT enjoyed swimming yesterday morning, as he hasn't been to the pool in a few weeks. For some strange reason, he didn't really like wading in the baby pool but he was much more confident floating in our arms in the adult pool. Lovebell says it could be due to the lack of buoyancy in the smaller pool.

Sunday night we had dinner with Lovebell's sister and their mom. Buffet at aquamarine. I reckon the reviews for the place are over-doing it. It's a nice place, but it's not that fantastic. Not for $50 per pax anyway. I think Melt was much better and at least there was an element of showmanship to the dinner, with the cooking being more of a performance than just an action.

Mcdonald's coffee is really drain water.

Saturday we visited our friends the WWs. Their baby is almost a month old now. It seems so long ago when XT was that age, yet it's actually less than 1.5 years ago. They seem to be managing well, but with parental support, things are always doable. At the very least, it gives you peace of mind. To know that someone is there to fall back on, should you fail.

Oops, time for my meeting. :)

Update of our lives.

Given how we share most of our lives through facebook and twitter nowadays, our blog posts have steadily dwindled. Of course, just at much at blame is the amount of time we now dedicate to XiaoToot which has taken away time we previously had in the evenings to blog. And work is more time-consuming as we have both grown and taken on more responsibilities in our jobs.

Instead nowadays, we only write about major things that happen in our lives. Whether it's a trip overseas, or a long-awaited visit to the zoo. These are the only events that get captured. Yet today, amidst the busy work day, I felt like writing something here.

I have not blogged in a long while now. Maybe I will start by giving an update.

XT is now 17 months. He's energetic, curious, and the joy of our lives. He's beginning to form sentences of the most rudimentary sort such as "Subject+Verb", e.g. "Papa Sit!" Also, notice we no longer call him XP, but XT. This is a result of him becoming more active, and running into things and bonging his head. So he's no longer just "pong pong", he's "toot". :)

I am currently learning French at Alliance Francaise. Now at Elementary level 3. We've just learnt reflexive verbs and the past tense of motion verbs. E.g. I Went = Je suis alle'. Classes are fun, and the learning helps me to keep my brain alive.

The house is all settled into. We've even begun to clutter it up again, just a little bit. XT's toys are everywhere but we don't mind. I want him to have the space to roam, to play, to grow. Perhaps when he's a little older, we'll buy him a nice loft bed with study desk for his room. Bit like what PJ has for Jaina, but obviously ours will be boy-themed. I'm thinking space designs, cars, etc.

Speaking of cars, Little Lancer just turned 4 years old. Wow, time really flies. I went to check the blog archives and it was in Aug 2005 that we bought it. Perhaps it's time to consider buying a new car. With XT around, maybe a bigger car like a SUV or a crossover might make more sense. But we'll see. Consumption is now always weighed against investment for the future. No more frivolous purchases when the sum could be stashed away for XT's college fund or to pay towards the mortgage of the house.

I think I've matured a lot in the last year. With the introduction of XT into our lives, time and goals have taken on totally different meanings. Taking care of him and planning for his future has become my first priority. The whole fiasco behind breaking my bond and joining back the same organisation has also taught me to question myself about what is really important to me.

And speaking of work. Work is same old, same old. More of the same, the more I get older. Slides, papers, reports, it's the same everywhere isn't it? Anyway, it's now just a means to a salary and surprisingly, when I let everything go, it's a lot better. I look forward to lunch with my guys at work, and then after that, i look forward to coming home to my family.

On the hobbies and interests front, I've got no more time left for anything. After work, french, family, I've got just a little bit of time left to do some reading, and watch the occasional top gear and dvd. It's been a while since i read a proper book, well since I started french anyway. And it's also been an even longer while since I did anything creative.

This post was supposed to correct that, but I suppose I ended up writing a report again. Bah. Enough with reporting.

Comeback Post II

Si .. I know that all have been most disappointed with the mmf for the lack of posts.

But seriously, once one has a kiddo ... time just seems to slip into this serious blackhole and you will be amazed at how little time you have to sit in front of the computer and blog.

Of course, the more perceptive ones will retort, "But it's not like lovebell is terribly busy at work what .. you can blog then mah".

You do not understand.

First of all, I have a PC at work and my workstation is so very visible.

Colleagues also have a way of sneaking up on me before I could alternate-tab to my Lotus Notes window.

The last thing I want is for my colleagues to realise that my online alter-ego is lovebell and much less for them to find out the mmf blog.

Secondly, by the time I am done with breakfast (which is typically at 1030hr - 1100hr cos we got a mini book-reading club going on L5 during the lull periods when the bosses ain't around), I only have an hour or so to check and clear my emails before it's time to go for lunch. After we come back for lunch, I barely have time to read my feeds before it's time to go for tea-break again. After my tea-break, it's just counting down about 3 half-hours before it's time for me to shut down and go off.

Pray tell, when will I have time to blog?

Once I am with xp, there are so many things to do. Coaxing him to eat, carrying him around, reading to him, playing with him and the spare moment he deigns to play inside his playpen or go to sleep is toilet/shower breaks for me and a little private time for the adults.

Unlike doppy who surfs and plays online games every night for an hour or so before he goes to sleep, I am way too lazy to power up my computer. I wd rather go to sleep with a book in hand or on days when I feel like drifting off to sleep real fast, read Twilight on my phone.

And hence .. the dearth of posts.

As for doppy's blogging absence, believe it or not, for the first time in his adult life, he actually has work to do! *gasp* Nowadays I am the one who ims him and has to wait for 15min or sometimes even longer before he could reply me. Of course, he could be chatting with you guys instead (as he seemed to be pretty much in touch with all his friends and mine too!) but the fact remains that he has less time for me and even less for his MW or youtube videos.

So there.

Here is my second come-back post (hey! PJ and Darth Binky's blog languished for months on stretch, k? so don't judge me!) and hopefully, this time round I will be more consistent with my posts.

Seeing as how I will soon be going back to my part-time studies, that should not much of a problem. :)

Stay tuned.

One bored day at work ...

doppy sent out the following email after a casual conversation at PJ's place where the dudes loudly proclaimed that they needed a support group too.

I have included excerpts from the email thread for all's entertainment if you were not on the email list.

I have always been impressed with doppy's creative writing skills and honestly, this was one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

For the sake of maintaining virtual anonymity, I have replaced all real names with the nicks that you guys are familiar with.

And I must add that I was most impressed with AD's replies too. :O

Dear Sirs and Madams,

Our honourable Lord AD of the faraway land of Telok Bangla has kindly suggested that in view of his new arrival in April next year, it would be most wondrous if the House could establish a Father cum Husband Support Group (hereafter known as "FHSG") to provide advice, support and brotherly love.

Given the celebratory nature of his request, and to honour the
glorious arrival of his newborn, Lord Darth Binky of Mount Redhill and I have kindly acceded to his request.

The first meeting of the FHSG will therefore be held on the coming Tuesday, the fourth daye of Novembre, the year of our father, After Ford 2008.

Due to the large distances separating our lands, it is also proposed that this gathering will be held "onlyne" where the first order of business will be to partake in an excellent round of "Command and Conquer 3".

Fair ladies, do not despayre, for thy interests shall surely be
fulfilled in this request as well. Her royal highness, Princess
J of Mount Redhill, has kindly agreed to ferry you to the various markets of town where you will surely be able to partake in the latest cloths and garments of the various kingdoms! Now isn't that a glorious surprise?

Your humble servant,
Doppy
Lord Chancellor of Clementye

After a reply from Sotong who proclaimed that she did not see how the FHSG was meeting its objectives, doppy replied as follows:

Aye, forsooth thy email hath saddened me, as though the sword Excalibur from King Arthur himself hath plunged itself into my heart....

Milady, is it not clear how the FHSG would achieve its very sacred purpose?

The most excellent "Command and Conquer 3" gives us the chance to bond, to advice one another over the hardships and tribulations that being a Father and Husband must entail, to give each other a brotherly arm to lean on in times of difficulty and crisis.

It is not merely a game, nor is it nothing but frivolous entertainment. For surely even the most hardened man, will cry when he hears the words "Ion cannon activated". If you blast him, will he not whimper in shame? If you send a herd of Mammoths at him, will he not cry like a girl?

Such is the fair emotions of thine lords, that we hath come before you todaye, to seek thy understanding, NAY, thy permission even, to support our dearest Lord AD of Telok Bangla in his holiest of quests, to form this FHSG...

Not to be outdone by doppy and feeling the need to speak since I was really, the only Arts student on the email thread, I replied with the following:

If I may plead on milord's behalf,

My most highly esteemed queens,

The quality of mercy is not strained,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that vies and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;

therefore let us show these poor lords mercy, my fellow queens, for they know not what damage we can do to their coffers in bidding us to go to the marketplace.

Let us from their fat purses taketh their gold,
and spend them as we wish at the marketplace to buy trinkets and nots for ourselves,
and toys aplenty for the young prince and princesses.

In most certainty, their requests for the support group will be revised promptly. :)

Yours in gracious service.

Then came AD who decided that he should also be represented:

 

haha. i got lost by 2nd line of lovebell's poem.

Ok ok.. let me try with my ah beng engrand.

Ye ye, we revise the TOR most promptly,
Instead of weekly, its changed to daily,
For we use wallets not purses,
and cash we use - not gold aplenty..
For who will be so kam, to lug ard gold so heavy,
So onz we go, the establishment of the FHSG!

Ryhme one leh!!! :P hahahahaha...

hehe .. hope that our nonsense has brought a smile to your face or some laughter to your day. :)

And yes, we do realise that Shakespeare and Chaucer were probably turning in their graves. :P

Of F things ...

Nope. This is not a list of things that annoy the hell outta me (most recently, it would have to be my work laptop which is a total piece of crap but I can't even complain cos it is already the newest and latest issued in my branch!) but rather a post about fevers and furniture.

First off is xp's fever. Our little rascal went for his 6-in-1 shot (don't ask me what's in the 6 shots ... I am absolutely clueless!) on Saturday morning and that was the first time he ran a fever after getting his shot. We were guessing that it could be because the shot might have been too powerful. The poor tyke was completely knocked out from the shot and whimpered the entire day once he was left alone. Fortunately, the nurse had warned us about this and we were given baby panadol in anticipation of this situation. Xp was pretty strong. He only took one dose of the panadol and recovered in no time. I also count myself really lucky to have found a good help. F slept next to Xp the entire night just to monitor his temperature and make sure he's okie. The very next day, he was up and jumping again. This is the first time that xp is unwell since birth and both doppy and I could not help but be worried about him. We both had a sleepless night and our hearts were only at ease when we saw that he was okie. Indeed, one could not appreciate the love that one's parents have for them till one becomes a parent. I used to be a rather sickly child and in those days, as all children did, I hated to take my meds. Only now do I realise how worried I must have made my parents and grandparents then. Fortunately for us, xp took his meds without much fuss. It is indeed heartening to see him back to his usual chirpy self.

Well, the second F was ..... Furniture! That's right! Furniture! Doppy and I have received the letter from our solicitors (you know those bloooodddy bloooooodsuckers who charged us a couple of tens of thousands for stamping our documents?) that our new place is most likely to achieve TOP this quarter. :) We were so excited about this confirmation that we decided we should start shopping for our furniture never mind we had no idea the dimensions of our new place at all. For our current home, due to budget constraints, we did not really shop around for the furnishing but rather went with the most value-for-money pieces. Since our new home is going to be a more permanent residence, we have both decided to splurge a little bit more on the furnishing in view of a longer-term investment. :P Doppy was really sweet and did some research before taking me out on window shopping in certain ulu parts of Singapore where there are more furniture warehouses than there are vehicles. :P So far we have seen pieces of furniture that we would like to have for our balcony but the prices are not quite agreeable to us. Oh well ... we should probably still have some time (afterall we have yet to receive our keys) to shop some more and I think this coming weekend, we will be exploring other parts of Singapore. I fully intend to indulge myself in this round of shopping, not in terms of splurging, but rather enjoying the process of look for bargains and all. We are both very excited about our new place and could not wait to move. Our dream is to spend Christmas in our new home though it might not materialise. Oh well ... one can always dream, can't one?! :)

Stumbled upon this while looking for images ...

How To Keep Him From Cheating

What did you find was the No. 1 reason men cheat?

I think most people ascribe to the theory that men cheat for sex. Women are being told that unless they are unbelievable sexy and have a Ph.D. in prostitution education then the husband is going to cheat. But when the results came in [from my study] only 8 percent of cheaters said that sexual dissatisfaction was a primary contributor [in cheating] and only 12 percent said the mistress was better looking or in better shape than their wives. It really started to show a completely different pattern than what most expect. In fact, the majority48 percentsaid that the cheating was about an emotional disconnection. What was causing this emotional disconnection? The No. 1reason was feeling underappreciated. It was a lack of thoughtful and kind gestures. What I found is that men are far more insecure than they let on, and they do want to please their wives and feel valued. They like to win and as long as they are winning with their wife then they stay in the game. It is feeling underappreciated and like they can't winand maybe they do things that make it hard for her to appreciate himthat usually leads them into dangerous waters. Appreciation is what they first and foremost get from the mistress.

You said women make a mistake in thinking, "If I appreciate him, he'll never change." Why is that a mistake?

Women are always worried that if they are really nice to him, he will just take it in and not do anything. Well, men generally do want to give, and appreciation motivates them. If you appreciate your husband for the next week, and he asks what's going on, then it leads to a positive conversation where you can also share what you want. You're taking the lead and modeling the behavior that you desire in your spouse. This relationship between "appreciation" and a man's need to "win"how does that play out in the home? Just watch your husband view a ballgame. You would imagine from the way he's yelling that he has part ownership in the team he's cheering for. That's because men have been trained since they were little that winning and accomplishing is much of their definition. So they will watch a game to the bitter end if they [or their team] can stay in it. [In the home,] for example, if the husband makes breakfast and burns it, he still feels like he made a gesture. But if those sorts of gestures are met with what he did wrong instead of what he tried to do right, then that becomes, "I can't win." What sort of behavior will a man exhibit if this leads him to start thinking of cheating? The No. 1 sign is more time being spent away from home. The No. 2 sign was less sex, and the No. 3 sign was avoidance of your contact, like cell-phone calls. What these things are saying is that a man is emotionally and sexually moving away from a spouse.

How should a wife address this?

When you see these things happening bring it up in a positive way. Ask him, "Do you remember when we were dating? I want to get back to that. I don't want to wait until the kids are in college. I want to have some fun." This is all about empowering women. There are a lot of marriage books out there that give you a hundred things to do. They're all pretty good if you have time to do all hundred. I'm suggesting that you look at the signs that are going to mean the most and then do something about them. Don't do what so many of us do, which is hold our breath and hope [the problem] goes away. What can couples do to get a relationship back on track and sustain it? I talk about having four 45-minute periods of uninterrupted time a week where both turn off their CrackBerrys and they just spend time alone talking or playing board games or reading. They should also have one night a week where they do date night. It should be the same night every week, so get a babysitter ahead of time, and do not talk about three thingsmoney, business or the kids. Everybody always says, "Well, then what are we going to talk about?" I say, "I don't know, but I promise that when you were falling in love you weren't constantly talking about the stresses of money, business and kids. If you did, you would not have gotten married. It's not what got you here, and it is not what is going to sustain you." I also suggest something that bothers a lot of women and that's locking your door at night. I'm talking about after the kids are settled in, and it's not necessarily to have more sex. The idea is just to say there is a space for your marriage that does not include everybody else.

How To Keep Him From Cheating | Print Article | Newsweek.com

Interesting read.

The article brought to mind a remark made by one of my colleagues the other day. When she found out that I have been married for nearly half a decade (hehe .. that's only 5 years lah! 'Decadising' it just makes it sound so much longer!), she said that it didn't seem that way to her. She thought that doppy and I were newly-weds and had at most clocked in 2 years of marriage.

I jokingly asked if it was the childish ways we act with each other, the constant ribbing and bickering that we do. :P

Just the other day I shared with einna that after 4 years plus of marriage and 5 years plus of being together, I still feel the same towards doppy. In many ways, our love and relationship have in fact strengthened from our shared experiences and the fights we have had to resolve due to misunderstandings or insufficient communication. I am thankful that after so many years, I still feel this way about him.

This is just a little post to remind myself that while it's so easy for the little one to wriggle his way into our hearts (honestly, he doesn't even need to try!), we must still make time for each other. For when the little kitty leaves the litter, the adult meowmes will still have the rest of their lives to spend with each other.

Stay Home Saturday

That's right. We both stayed home tonight. Not because there was F1 on the telly (though I suspect that even if we had gone out, we would have made it back by 10pm or found a pub with a huge telly by then) or that the Stay Home Saturday movie was "Gone in Thirty Seconds", but that I was sick.

Sick, like truly, really sick.

It all started with last night's outing to IKEA. We decided to have a date night complete with XP no less to IKEA to get him his high-chair (no, he can't quite sit up unassisted yet but he's getting there!:) ) and as usual, we had our dinner at the restaurant.

We did not eat anything out of the ordinary. We ordered a plate of fish-and-chips to share (both doppy and I were not terribly hungry) and added a side order of 2 pieces of chicken wings. Dinner was okay albiet we had to take turns to feed each other and try to stuff as much as we can into our mouths when it was not our turn to carry xp. Thereafter we went to pay for our purchases and headed home.

It was at home when I first felt unwell. I had this tight feeling in my chest and felt this intense sense of nausea. I don't remember feeling this way for a long long time and had a bad feeling about it. True to my fears, I promptly went to the toilet and HURLED all my stomach contents out. I kid you not. As I was regurgitating, I could feel the huge pieces of undigested chicken meat, pieces of fish, the fries I ate and even taste the mash tea I drank.

I have not felt so sick for a while now. Doppy suspected that it was food poisoning and said that it was good that I was purging everything out of my system. I was feeling way too miserable to listen to him. He was a real sweet dude though and tugged me into bed, and poured me a glass of water. I felt terrible the entire night and was tossing and turning in bed.

So today, I took 2 panadols for the pounding headache that I had from the lack of sleep, and another 2 charcoal pills to absorb whatever poison there might be in my system. I could not drag myself out of bed to go with xp for his immunisation shot this morning and gave doppy all sorts of instructions to make sure that xp would not hold it against me for missing this big event (not that he would have noticed my absence lah). Fortunately, the nurse had mixed up the date for xp's shots and he ended up not having one today because it was too close to his last shot. So I guess I didn't miss much.

After making a trip to Philips service centre to get new accessories for the breast pump that I had borrowed from PJ since forever, we popped by doppy's grandma's place to deliver the studio shot we had received. Doppy said that I looked like Piccolo from Dragon Balls Z cos I was virtually turning green in the face. After popping by Thomson Medical Centre to visit one of his friends whose wife had just given birth, I came home and completely knocked out on the bed.

Doppy initially asked if I wanted to go to Shaw Centre with him to see that if we could see the race from the carpark (that's where we would go when we wanna catch fireworks away from the crowd during CNY). I felt bad that I had to disappoint him and forced him to spend his saturday at home. But there was really no way I could drag my aching self and churning stomach out of the house again.

Pounding headache coming back. Blog again.

Childbirth and its costs

So we were walking around after dinner with AD and Sotong this evening and we decided to pop by one of the infant and mothercare shops to share some of our "knowledge" (or personal bias in most cases :P ) and "educate" the soon-to-be parents on the things they need and what they should watch out for when buying some of those things. It still amazes me to think how far we've come, Lovebell and I. We were helped greatly by PJ and Darth, of course, but nevertheless, I am sometimes still amazed at the amount of experience points we have gained and the amount of knowledge we have gained as well. From breast pumps to steam bottle sanitisers, from prams to cots, we have spent a large amount of time and energy to learn what is what, and which items are the most value for money that we *should* get for baby XP.

Anyway, back to tonight.

The shop we walked into was a very *atas* one located in great world city, whose main clientele is rich FTs and the upper class of Singapore. The prams on sale ranged from a "low end" price of $350 to the other end of $2k. Cots sold were all close to $1.5k to $2k. In contrast, the pram XP sits in costs just above $200, and the cot he sleeps in costs just above $500.

Whenever I walk into one of these high end shops, I usually feel 2 emotions simultaneously.

1. Astonishment - I am stunned and astonished at the amount of money people will pay for such things, especially when it seems foolish to plow that sort of money into things that will only be used for such a short period of time.
   
2. Envy - Yet I can't help but wish that I could afford these things too. I envy their ability to spend without thinking twice. It's the whole "damn Joneses have it, so we better darn get ourselves one too" sort of mentality.
   

I have since realised that emotion 1 is closely related to emotion 2. Because I can't afford it, I naturally feel astonished at their propensity to purchase. However, to the rich person, buying a $2k pram for his son would be analogous to me buying a $2 rattle for my baby. After all, the really poor would be tsk-ing away at that too, since a rattle is nothing but a noise maker, and you could make one out of an old tin can and some beans.

So I shouldn't feel astonished at their spending habits. What's a $2k pram when they drive a $300k car and live in $5m homes? It's all part of their wealthy lifestyle.

What I should feel, and this requires a little bit more thought beyond the id emotions of envy and jealousy (hah, Freud! ) is my own joy and my love for my family. While I may not afford the $2k pram, I can afford the $200 one, and I will strive to provide that so that XP has a chair to sit in when we go for walks. While I can't afford the spa package for my wife to lose weight after delivery, I can support her in her exercise efforts and encourage her in my own ways.

I know this post sounds like I am trying to rationalise to myself, and perhaps my ego needs this post to manage my own feelings (hah! more Freud). Oh well, so be it.

What I don't understand, is why these feelings are particularly strong for things that pertain to XP. It's like I want a nice big TV for myself and I've been dreaming about one for the longest of time, but I have managed to hold off buying it for so long now, because I can rationalise to myself that the existing TV works fine, the cost is too high, I can spend it on other things, etc, etc. But when it comes to things for XP, I will always feel this sense of guilt when I see other parents buying good stuff for their children, and XP has to "make do" with his cheap things.

When it comes to buying things for Lovebell, I will ask her "why in the world do you need so many handbags?" but yet I will also be the one gladly paying for her if it is something she really likes. So why the different treatment for XP?

Is it because I grew up in a middle income family that doesn't believe in buying things for their children because, well, they never got any gifts when they were kids?

In any case, XP looks happy, Lovebell is happy, and so I am happy too.

Happy Mid Autumn Festival...

The Promised Post

Yes, yes, I know. I have not kept up with my promise to blog more. Obviously, I do not have enough work to do for I am most prolific when I have work to do on the computer. I am guessing that all should be seeing a little more blogging from me for I have recently been tasked to summarise a 100 page report which I have not managed to bribe doppy to do for me.

So anyway, I have been 'inspired' to blog after reading einna's hilarious post about her trip back to Singapore (*hint hint for more posts!*). And of course, doppy's posts kinda reminded me that I am missing out logging this part of my life since I hardly put my thoughts down anywhere else besides my blog. So here goes my random ramblings (yet again!) about my most mudane life. :)

First up, I am reading a most interesting book (more about our son later lah!). It's A.C. Grayling's "The Heart of Things: Applying Philosophy to the 21st Century". I have always had a keen interest in philosophy and you will not be hard pressed to find a number of books on philosophy on our bookshelves (yes, they are all mine. Doppy's interest doesn't quite extend to philo though he does know a few names when he needs to quote one theory or another). The key thing that made me pick this book up (besides the subject matter and rave reviews it got) was that it was a collection of short essays. I have realised that nowadays I am unable to finish a book in one sitting due to both a lack of time and attention span. Short stories and essays are just about all I can read without dozing off halfway. And so far, I am enjoying this book. Just to share an excerpt from a chapter on monogamy as food for thought:

"How many readers of these words has had only one sexual partner? How many have been faithful during the course (note:every) relationship they have had? Suppose you have been married for twenty years and never once in the at time 'cheated' on your spouse. Still, did you have lovers before then? If, which heaven forfend, your partner were to die or leave, would you not hope to start another relationship at some point? A single 'yes' to any of these questions makes you a polygamist, in the real meaning of the term. And a good thing too.

Those five last words are best not misconstrued. Polygamy - or let us call it non-monogamy, as a more general and neutral term, meaning 'having more than one partner during the course of a life' - is good because it widens and deepens experience in an area whose health is essential to the life well lived. It might mean having more than one simultaneous partner, but it need not and quite often it is better not. Until people have learned not to entangle their domestic projects - home building, having children - with their sexual affinities, with the result that interruptions of the latter typically mean destruction of the former, it might even be better to restrict synchronicities to very limited periods, if at all; as for example when a new relationship supersedes an old one (an inevitability when couples who started together when young have since grown apart: older and wiser couples make stronger bonds). There is good reason to suspect that the best kinds of sexual and emotional relationships are those in which there is sufficient mutuality and exclusivity to allow deep understanding to evolve; how often people utter the cliche, no less profoundly true for being one, that the best sex is the sex you have with the one you really love. And this implies that the best relationships are post-polygamous monogamies voluntarily chosen by those in them." (p.53-54)

On that note, I have been most disturbed recently to find indeed in this day and age, monogamy, even in a marriage, is a rare commodity. The first shocker came for me when I realised that an acquaintance of mine was apparently the third party in another's marriage. The second came in the form of a husband-to-be cheating on his wife-to-be with another woman and now contemplating if he should go ahead with the marriage. And I guess it was these happenings that I observed and many more that convinced me of the writer's argument above about monogamy. I still remember doppy and I ridiculously proclaiming that we were not in an exclusive relationship when we were both pretty conservative and traditional people at heart (i.e. we were mostly incapable of dating one person and going out with someone else). And of course now that we are in a marriage, I have never for a moment taken our commitment to monogamy for granted. One of the best pieces of advice that was given to me was by Einna who told that I should never for a moment, trust that doppy would never cheat on me. Her advice was not meant to cause mistrust in my marriage, but rather as a reminder for me never to take him for granted (in the mistaken belief that he would never cheat on me with another woman or god forbid, that no other women would want him [yes, yes, this is a real ego-boost for him]). In a similar vein, I have also never failed to remind him that I am definitely capable of cheating on him (and more likely to get away with it than he would) and thus never to take the monogamous nature of our relationship for granted. In this modern day where the stigma of a divorce is significantly less destructive than ever before and there are a million and one reasons for extra-marital affairs, there is nothing in a marriage contract (especially if one is not of a religious background) that would ensure monogamy. Ultimately, it is a choice that must be made by the two people in the marriage because their shared experiences and commitment to each (you can see that I am avoiding the L word for that is so difficult to pin down beyond an indescribable feeling) tell them that the marriage is so much more worth having than that fling or new relationship they want to have.

And this brings me finally to my daily struggle. Each morning, I would wake up and the first thing I would do after freshening up would be to go check on XP and to give him a good morning kiss. Thereafter, I would carry him to our bed so that he could kiss? slobber over? his dad before I would return him to F while I continue to get ready for work. Doppy has (jokingly?) remarked on more than one occasion that our son is now more important than him (yes yes, we have all established that he can be rather petty. But when one greets you with a beatific smile upon seeing you and the other greets you with droppy eyelids which refuse to open, the choice seems rather clear, doesn't it?). And each day, I have to ask myself, who do I prioritise? Is it my ever-so-adorable son (alright, alright, I will get around to posting some pics of him soon so that you might share in my adoration!) or my ever-so-loving husband? After all with this new addition to the family, there is no corresponding increase in the amount time I have in a day. Of course, my new posting has given me much more time that I used to have when I was a teacher (and don't ask me what it is exactly that I do; I am still in the process of outlining my job description) but it remains that I only have that many hours left in a day after I get back from work. When previously all I did after a day of work was to come home to doppy and spend time with him, I now feel torn between my duty as a mother and my duty as a wife. Strangely enough, the husbands/fathers never seem to experience this dilemma. I believe that it is a somewhat, more-or-less, self-inflicted conflict that a wife/mother imposes on herself. On one hand, I think I should be spending every available moment I have with xp in order to bond with him and nurture him (especially when I am already gone for the most part of the day and leaving him in the care of someone else). On the other hand, I also think that I should nurture my relationship with doppy in order to provide xp with a loving and secure environment to grow up in. After all, I would not want him to grow up with parents who hardly speak with each other or worse, who lead or perhaps, in the worst case scenario, live separate lives.

Does that mean that ultimately, xp is still my priority? Does this mean that once a kiddo comes into the picture, one's spouse takes a back seat till the kiddo is capable of taking care of (kid)self? Is it wrong of me to leave my son with my help to go out for an evening of clubbing and soccer-watching the next night with my hubby? How does one ration the finite time and energy one has fairly? Can it ever be quantified?

I guess at the end of the day there is no right or wrong answer. And I guess there is no one answer for everyone. Ultimately, I think it boils down to communication between the couple so that each others' needs and expectations could be negotiated and re-negotiated and eventually be met. Thus far, doppy is still quite forthcoming and honest with me about his feelings and also rather understanding towards me. Nevertheless, I must remember I am merely the earth who revolves around the moon and the moon eventually revolves around the sun which is not me (a rather nice analogy that doppy drew for me). And so I must not forget that eventually when XP leaves the meowmeow litter, it is doppy who will stay with me for the rest of my lazy days and hence I must not forget to nurture our relationship for its own sake.

Doppy is remarking that no one will have the patience (or interest) to read such a long post and so I shall end this post here. I will be back with more thoughts of mine to share! :)

Which way is happiness again?

Which is the true way to happiness?

By taking on this job, I thought I would earn a high salary that would allow me to ensure XP has a good future and Lovebell a good life.

Turns out by taking on this job, I ended up not having any time to spend with them, and me becoming distanced from Lovebell.

I never intended for that to happen. I just wanted the best for them. I am so tired.

I am submitting my letter first thing tomorrow morning. Life is more than your paycheck.

What are my plans? I hope to find a job back at my old place. A boss I spoke to has already expressed interest in taking me in. At this point in my life, I value most the time I have to spend with my family, and my mental and emotional wellbeing.

Some of you may think I am a loser for quitting this early. I thought so of myself too. But I tried and I think it's time to cut my losses. There's no point in holding on to something that is going straight down into the red, especially when I can't afford to hold onto it anymore.

After making the decision to leave, my mind has lightened tremendously.

I just hope this is the right decision...

My Come-back Post

Gosh, it has been so long since I last blogged that way too many things have happened for me to be able to give updates on all fronts. I shall thus just ramble where my thoughts take me and if you are bored with my aimless and pointless writing, feel free to skip this post.

Let's begin with the most recent event, Borders Inaugural Book Sale at Singapore Expo. We contemplated giving it a miss as doppy had work to do over the weekend (si, the increase in salary comes with a corresponding (disportionate?) increase in workload) but by Sunday, he was so sick of looking at financial models on excel spreadsheet, we decided we could afford to spend a couple of hours in the afternoon indulging in one of our favourite activities.

Needless to say, we bought many many books. Mostly, they were for xp though it is going to be a long while yet before he can read any of them. You know what they say about parents attempting to live their lives through their children? Believe you me, it is true. Every single book that I bought for him were books that I wished my folks had the monies to get for me when I was kid. Now with hindsight and adult eyes, I kept looking at books and telling myself, if only I had read that when I was young, maybe I would have excelled more in school or be a less ignorant person. Consequently, I found almost all books (barring those that are Disney spin-offs or Hollywood's versions of fairytales) worth buying for xp and doppy even picked out a book on astronomy which he claimed was for xp but I thought was more for himself! :)

I got this award-winning book at a steal! It was going for Canadian $22.90 dollars yet I got it for Sing$9.95 with a further 30%+10%(BPC) discount no less! Recommended reading age for this book is 6 but 32 is also as good an age to read it.

One of the few books that I bought for myself.
Tis the lyrics of Sting's song, Shape of my Heart, set against Picasso's work which adds another layer of interpretation and appreciation to the words.

  

One of the rare books I bought that is published by Disney. The inspiration to get this book was doppy's and my experience at the museum in Sydney where we felt so woefully ignorant and totally out of our depth in appreciating the art pieces. Our son is probably no Picasso or even Warhol given our genes, but I thought the least we could do for him is to expose him to art and develop his sense of aesthetics and not to perceive art as something that is forbidding and incomprehensible. The questions accompanying each picture for discussion really encourages the viewer to make meaning for themselves.

So that's that for our National Day weekend. Of course, we had a most enjoyable evening at PJ & Darth Binky's place on Saturday last, where we caught NDP'09 on the mega big screen in their living room. And the night before that, we were entertained by the Dins and Tonic, a cappella group from Harvard (which took some convincing on my part to get doppy to attend due to his absurd sense of college loyalty) during which, throughout their performance, I kept singing the lyrics, We didn't go to Harvard, to the tune of "We didn't start the fire" as it was sung by Cornell's a cappella group, The Cayuga Waiters.

And if you are wondering how it is that we could be so mobile and carefree with a baby in tow, we are indeed very lucky to have found a very good help in F. Though we might suffer from the occasional bout of guilt in leaving our son in her care, we both also need some adult time to ourselves and we choose to count our blessings in how fortunate we are to have someone who could look after xp so well for us rather than dwell on the fact that our son could jolly well become more attached to F than to us. We are also very grateful for the fact that we own a car that gives us the mobility and makes it so convenient to pick our baby up every evening from my grandma's place which is a stone's throw away from my workplace. Though this ferrying to-and-fro business may seem silly at times (we wake the poor boy up early in the morning to take him to his great-grandma's place and wake him up from his nap in the evening to take him home for that few hours during which we are sometimes caught up in our work and are unable to spend quality time with him), nevertheless, we really appreciate being able to cuddle and kiss him every day, even if it is just for a few minutes each day. We have both grown so attached to the silly little one that we now cannot imagine a day without seeing him. It is always tough for doppy when he travels as he could go on for two days without seeing our son. Thank goodness for MMS technology which allows me to send pics of our sleeping son (that's the only time my slow camera phone can capture a clear image of him) to him.

Moving on to work front, doppy has kept all updated with his blog posts and gtalk status messages. As for me, the reality that I was truly recruited to merely add credibility to the team with my experience and not that I am valued since I am not a scholar really hit home today. Apparently, the branch gave the two empty tables at the branch (one of which is specially built no less) to the scholars who were doing their summer attachment with the unit while another permanent staff and I have been 'squatting' at another unit till this day. The young scholars were also given materials from the branch which none of us 'newbies' received when we reported for work. Of course, the rationale on the grapevine for not asking us, the two exiles, back to the branch was to 'chope' the place at the other unit so that the workstations could belong to us. Yet I can't help but ask myself that if it was two 1st tier scholars who were being seated apart from the rest of the branch, would the situation be the same? Surely if our unit had indeed expanded beyond what the physical capacity could hold, the estate management branch, or whatever its equivalent is, has to come up with workstation solutions for new staff, right? Surely it should not hinge on the fact that we were occupying the stations and refusing to give them up?

If you think that I am bitter over the treatment that the scholars receive in my branch, you are wrong. Remember, I myself am married to a scholar and that has long opened my eyes to the reality of the sewer service. It is not truly not the scholars' fault that the rest of the silly world chooses to give them such ridiculous preferential treatment (all the scholars in our branch are introduced to new colleagues as 'SCHOLARS' with the first tier ones deserving special mention no less) but it really does not bode well for team morale. I am beginning to empathise with how one of my colleagues must have felt when he reported for work at the beginning of the year and he was the only 'commoner' in the unit at the officers' level. Well, at least now he has this other lady and me as his fellow peasants, to toil the field and sow the seeds.

Enough about work. Poor doppy is still rushing his model and slides (which explains why I am still up at this hour!) in order to meet the deadline. I shall stop boring all with my rambling and go pick up one of those books I have bought to read.

Good night, all.

 

 

Thoughts from an airflight part deux

So that’s that. The meeting is over and we are on our way home. Time now is 8.50pm on the way back to Changi. I’m waiting for dinner because I’ve had nothing since lunch, and lunch was a bowl of lukewarm beef noodle soup delivered to the office.
The meeting went fairly well. Personally, I didn’t rehearse my presentation enough, and didn’t know how to bring out the key issues quickly. I was also unable to answer questions about my work, though that was to a large extent, due to my inexperience with the subject matter and also my relative newbness to this whole “looking like you’re more intelligent than you are” thing,
It’s hard to sit in front of a whole panel of senior management, with an average of 20 yrs experience between them, each specialized in his own field, legal advice, financial numbers, technicals, business acumen, sense of market, etc. Without revealing the project I am working on, all I can say is that it was a very educational experience, as I learnt a lot from the people across me.
Just the same, they learnt some things from us too. We did a whole ton of research and it helped that my bosses knew what they were talking about.
Now that I’ve done this once, I know I can do it again. And next time I shall do it faster, I shall practice my presentation, I shall rehearse answers to potential questions.
I see a tiring month in front of me, but I also see lots of fun and lots to learn. I’m starting to get the hang of doing the slides, of knowing what my bosses expect. Now it’s a matter of building up the expertise, and my experience, and getting really up to speed on my work.
Now what should I buy for at DFS? :)

Thoughts from an airflight (09 Jul 08)

Today marks the first time I open Microsoft Word since joining the new job. Yes, I am a consultant now. I only use excel and powepoint in the office. I am writing this post from seat 35D on my way to Hong Kong for a client meeting. The time is 9.20pm at the time of this sentence, and I am one hour 30 minutes away from my destination.

It is also the first time I am away from home after the arrival of XP, and I must admit, I feel like what I am doing is wrong. I keep thinking I should be a good father and be spending time with him right now, not be stuck in cattle class halfway across the South China Sea.

And I have been neglecting him indeed. Since taking on this job, I have been working night and day, and other than the short break at AD’s place over the weekend, I worked through the whole of last weekend as well. Even now, this post is a break from looking at my slides, as I rehearse for my presentation tomorrow.

When I took this job, I must admit, I absolutely had no idea what I was in for.

I spent the first week waking up panicking and feeling like I could not breathe. At night, I couldn’t sleep as I worried about all the work I had not done. If I fell asleep, I did so from fatigue. It was the first time in my adult life that I felt such stress. All along, my whole life, all I have been doing was following the next step, up to and including the last 6 years. Every step was merely another pre-determined step I had to take, JC, the scholarship, college, coming back to do NS, the steady Govt job. I had never had to take a step out and make a decision on the future of my life. Even going from gayland to my 2^nd posting was a safe step. I always had the option to go back to gayland.

To a certain extent, I must admit, I miss my old job. I had been at that job long enough to be able to critique others’ work, to be the guy the boss turns to when things are driving us up against the wall, to know that whatever happens, I can deliver on the papers, the presentations, the meetings, and to know that my bosses valued me for my contributions more than the stupid shit I pulled. I know, I know, I have been talking about wanting to get out forever, but…. this is like the case where prisoners who spent 20 years in jail are actually afraid of the freedom outside. The loss of structure, the not knowing what comes next.

Therefore, stepping out was for me has been a big step. To be honest, when I signed the offer letter, I did not fully comprehend the consequences of my action. Just like when I signed the scholarship contract, when I got married , when I witnessed XP’s birth, all these would turn out to be monumental leaps for me, yet which at the particular time in life, seemed like just the next step in my path.

Not one day went by in the last week when I didn’t wake up and worry that I would get fired because I was not delivering, because I was not good enough, because I was not quick enough with my work. Not one day doesn’t go by when I stress over the deadlines, the work I need to do, the emails from my boss saying I need to accelerate my progress.

Over the weekend, I told Lovebell that maybe this wasn’t the right job for me. But how would I know that in 2 weeks? I have learnt a lot these last 2 weeks, learnt more than I have in the last 6 months in my old job. Yet I can’t keep help but think at what costs?

I certainly can’t keep this up. I know part of this whole stress is due to newbie jitters. I want to perform, I want to deliver, I want to start running like the rest of the team. Yet at the same time, it’s hard to join the Olympics track team, when all you did before was take part in the TNP big walk, no matter how much people tell you that you can run like them.

Indeed, there are certainly aspects of this job I cherish and love. It has been many moons since I felt my brain working so hard, I have not concentrated this hard on anything since I was in university. Lovebell will attest that I have actually stopped watching television (sometimes!) simply to stare at my excel model and wonder how the hell I need to build in a function that doesn’t seem to exist. The last time I worked this hard was when I was trying to fix my damn matlab projects in university…

The money is good too. Although I have yet to receive my first pay check, the 50% increase from my previous job is very important to me, because it is to me, the foundation of what I hope to give to XP - an overseas education where he can study what he wants, and then do what he wants from there. I want to give him more than I had as a boy. You may say, but everyone walks his own path. True, but if XP gets into JHU to do medicine, and it is really what he wants, I want to be able to support his desires. Just as Flo came overseas to work to support her son’s dream, I must therefore also make my sacrifices.

Yet at what costs indeed. No money in the world can buy back the time I lose being away from him and lovebell. I’m not just talking about the traveling. If I have to work every night and every weekend from now on, not only will XP not recognize me as his father, I think Lovebell will leave me soon as well.

This is the dream job I would have wanted, graduating from school, with a sharp mind, with no obligations, with an eagerness to explore the world. The flying, the projects, the new ideas, the cities.

Now, with my role as husband and father, this is the job I need, to give them the life I want them to have, to give them the life I will never achieve otherwise.

If you can’t tell by now, I am a deeply conflicted individual. The half of me that takes after my dad is poetic and tells me I should just relax and enjoy life. The other half of me that I got my mom is the side that says I should work as hard as I can to get the As, to get more money, to live the material life. Is it any wonder they broke up? :)

Enough emo talk for the night. I think I have grown as a man in the last weeks. I want to give this job a shot and I want to see if I can succeed. I know I can succeed in the Govt if I want to go back anytime. There will always be openings available. In the meantime, it’s time to see if I can swim in the big ocean with the big fish.

So wish me good luck, and if you see me online late at night anytime, say hi and give me a word of encouragement. :)

Simple thoughts

Last night Lovebell and I got to talking about how long it's been since we had a holiday. Our trip to Seoul was in Dec 2006, and it's been 18 months since we went anywhere.

But since we both started new jobs, I don't have any leave to take this year, and I'm guessing Lovebell wouldn't want to take any either, so the earliest we can plan a holiday is likely to be June next year.

Instead, I suppose this post will be about the simple pleasures in life, and how I should remind myself to take pleasure in them.

Recent simple pleasures:
Watching Ah Pong smile at me and play with me yesterday
Having a quiet chat with Lovebell over dinner
Having beer with friends on a Friday night
Enjoying durian in front of the TV last night
Watching an exciting movie over the weekend
Coffee

I have been telling myself that I need to do this job for the pay, so that XP can have a better future, but I reckon that's an unrealistic motivation, as it will only be effective at and right after payday. In the meantime, I will use these simple pleasures to keep me going. Things like going home to my family, and walking in the garden downstairs with them in the evening.

A job is just a job, a family is forever.

Lack of posts

As noticed by our eager keen eye reader, there's been a dearth of posts in the last week, not even a musical wednesday.

This is because both the adult meowmeows in the MMF have started new jobs this week and the learning curves are killing them. I'm trying hard to learn powerpoint and excel, while lovebell is trying hard to learn the new methodologies she uses at her new job.

XiaoPong is growing strong, and drinking lots of milk.

So continue to wish us good luck and support us through your encouragements, we really appreciate the support you guys have given us, well, at least me.

Til next time, adios!

Extracting wisdom tooth

I got my lower left wisdom tooth extracted yesterday. The wisdom tooth was impacting my molar and causing a build up of debris and gunk, that was causing it to start to decay.

The procedure took all of one hour from registration to collecting my medicine, so it was really quite smooth sailing, with no complications or unexpected problems. But nonetheless, the process was really difficult and the aftermath is so.... much.... pain....


To extract this tooth, which as you can see from the picture above, is horizontally impacted, the doctor needs to "polish" away the front part (crown) of the tooth, then pull it up until it jams against the molar again, and then polish it some more. This process is lovingly known in the industry as "rock and roll". Yes, the doctor told me this cos I asked what she was doing.

The final extraction was the most freaky and painful part of the process. When she took out a giant pair of "pliers" and proceeded to stand up so she could have more leverage, I nearly freaked out. And as she exerted with all her strength to pull the tooth out, the pressure the tooth caused on the other teeth and my jaw bone, caused me to tense up my body so tightly, I nearly squeezed the armrest til it broke.

When I finally got off the seat to go for my x-ray, I realised I had drenched the chair in sweat.

Anyway, I have to go back on Friday to get the threads removed. Hopefully that will be a painless process. The pain has wore off mostly, and it's now a dull ache in my mouth. I can eat soft food, mainly because chewing on hard food would hurt my nerve. Otherwise, I am back to functioning as normal.