Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Is it my Teochew self that thinks raising $3k is nothing to shout about for 600 people?

If you have read the ST that I read this morning, you might have caught sight or read the article on "Gifted programme alumni raise money".

This was an extended article featured on the topic of more new take-ups for the ST Pocket Money Fund.

I must admit that it was the title that first caught my eye. Rarely does one read (or perhaps I have not been reading the papers frequently enough) about the GEP students giving back to the society that has given them so much. Afterall, an entire branch exists within the Ministry of Education, Singapore to support the development of programmes for this special group of students and many of them, I would like to believe, should have gone on to experience some form of academic success if not exactly graduating the top of their cohort each year.

Yet when I read the article, something struck me as not quite right. The total sum raised by the alumni and teachers from the GEP was a mere $3,164.

Now, I don't mean to discredit their good intentions (afterall, every single cent counts in charity even that 10cents that one drops into the tins of students selling flags along the road). And to be fair to them, perhaps they all do charitable work (in form or another) as individuals and perhaps some of them might have even committed large sums of monies to charitable organisations in their personal capacity.

However, a quick calculation in my mind puts the average donation that night as $5 per person. No doubt, the mode of fund-raising was not exactly an effective one to begin with (they were hawking to each other their 'unwanted'?/'prized'? items such as "books, clothes, art pieces and EVEN a Louis Vutton bag" (emphasis, mine)) yet I thought that they could afford to hold the event at Raffles Town Club, surely, they can do better than $5 per person?

My issues are as follow:

1. Given that they're GEP alumni (students who have benefited from the system) and teachers (who might have seen this an effort to inculcate right values in the students who have passed through their hands), and they are supposed to be high-ability (our system's definition stops short of calling them geniuses cos they are not) students, surely the organisers can come up with a better way to raise funds other than getting the crowd to 'donate' their items?

2. Granted that the event might not have been organised by the GEP alumni or teachers and they were merely told to bring along items that they want to donate, surely, each and every one of them can afford to fork out more than $5 on average for the cause? Short of telling me that one person at the event bidded $1000 for a second-hand used Louis Vutton bag, and contributed to 1/3 of the total amount raised (and that person is definitely generous then), what about the rest of the 599 persons who attended the function?

3. If much of the monies that was given by each individual (such as buying the tickets for the event) was used to cover the cost of organising the event, surely given the GEP alumni network, they should be able to source for sponsorships or work out alternative methods / ways to cut cost to as low as possible?

$3k is what is raised in a bazzar sale in NIE when we, as mere students (and many a times deemed less academically inclined by the rest of the tertiary population as they see us as being unable to make it to NUS Arts and Social Sciences before pursuing a post-grad diploma in Education) in our undergraduate years, hawk items like Deuter bags, papyrus art work, handmade handicrafts etc etc within the small community of NIE at the Bukit Timah campus.

$3k is nothing to shout about for 600 people who perhaps more than 1/3 (I am stretching the numbers for GEP teachers here as they are afterall a very small and select community) of them have benefited from the society who have invested much of their financial and human resources into developing them to become the cream of their crop.

If the newspaper report have been an incomplete one (in that they raised a much higher total sum from their event and it is just that ST Pocket Money fund was allocated the amount of $3k), I sure hope as hell that the GEP students and teachers who have read the article would be 'critical'?/'commonsensical'? enough to realise that the article doesn't quite paint a good, let alone flattering, picture of them.

Hell, $5 is what I used to spend, with nary a thought, on buying a cuppa.

Such a disgrace.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

to fb or not to fb

Many of my friends, including my beloved husband, have tried to convince me many a time to get on facebook.

I have resisted their calls quite easily till now.

Ever since I XP has come into my life, I have less and less time for myself, let alone my friends. And as sad as this may sound, I might need to keep myself updated with my friends' latest happenings on fb since not every one of them would blog religiously. Moreover, I have also come to appreciate that it is perhaps easier to share my life with the people I want to via FB then on this blog.

Yet I am still very resistant to the idea of making myself searchable. And amongst many of my friends, I have a few who would really serve as gateways to me.

Just as this blog is private and open only to people who I deign to make known the url to, I want people to know that I am on fb, if and only if I inform them.

Thus far, I know that I can block people and that would prevent them from finding me on fb. However, that requires way too much effort on my part as it involves me finding these people first (though me boss does come quite easily to my mind) and entering their names/email acc to block them.

So can anyone tell me how I can prevent myself from being searchable on FB? And I do not just mean that they can't find me if they key in my name, but also they should not see that I am friends with my friends.

Help?

Monday, April 06, 2009

Another one of my favourite Hokkien Songs

Alas, this one has no translation of lyrics on the net. :P

Just enjoy the tune, k?




我問天-翁立友

If you find the songs familiar, they are the theme songs of the taiwanese drama serials that were? are still? being shown in Channel 8.

And nope, I do not watch them but my grandma and domestic helper do. :)

And you gotta admit the tune is very catchy and if you actually understand Hokkien / Mandarin?, the lyrics are quite meaningful.

Enjoy.

Our home library is finally catalogued!

I have always wanted to find a good software to catalogue all the books in our library for honestly, this is perhaps just about all the inheritance that xp is going to get from us.

When we got the iMac (yes, I am still fooling around with it), I immediately checked out one of the coolest programmes that is available to the Mac users and not the Window ones. Yes, it is the Delicious Library. Not only has the software won numerous awards, it even boasted of converting some to Mac by its sheer capability and power.

And so on Sunday last, we finally got down to cataloguing our books and rearranging our collection which was initially arranged according to sizes by my dear FIL who could not stand the mess we created when we hapzardly placed the books on the shelves when we first moved in.

Just to show off a fraction of our collection, here's the screenshot I took of my DELICIOUS library shelves.



Cool eh?! :)

Now wait till we catalogue our DVD collection.

And you are most welcome to browse our collection and loan our books or dvds as the programme will allow us to tag the item to your info in our iCal to track the status of our items.

No more wondering where that book or dvd of ours is!

And if you are wondering about yours, perhaps it's time you switch to a Mac or start cataloguing your stuff. :)


Thursday, March 05, 2009

Just a thought

If a class of students is asked to raise funds for charity for CIP sakes', but they (or their parents) oppose it for religious reasons, can the student be excused from the activity?

E.g. A Muslim student asked to raise funds for a Christian organisation, do such students have the right to withdraw from the activity since they are not given a choice as to which organisation to raise funds for?

Or is it an opt-in scenario?


What is the policy regarding CIP procedures?

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Comeback Post II

Si .. I know that all have been most disappointed with the mmf for the lack of posts.

But seriously, once one has a kiddo ... time just seems to slip into this serious blackhole and you will be amazed at how little time you have to sit in front of the computer and blog.

Of course, the more perceptive ones will retort, "But it's not like lovebell is terribly busy at work what .. you can blog then mah".

You do not understand.

First of all, I have a PC at work and my workstation is so very visible.

Colleagues also have a way of sneaking up on me before I could alternate-tab to my Lotus Notes window.

The last thing I want is for my colleagues to realise that my online alter-ego is lovebell and much less for them to find out the mmf blog.

Secondly, by the time I am done with breakfast (which is typically at 1030hr - 1100hr cos we got a mini book-reading club going on L5 during the lull periods when the bosses ain't around), I only have an hour or so to check and clear my emails before it's time to go for lunch. After we come back for lunch, I barely have time to read my feeds before it's time to go for tea-break again. After my tea-break, it's just counting down about 3 half-hours before it's time for me to shut down and go off.

Pray tell, when will I have time to blog?

Once I am with xp, there are so many things to do. Coaxing him to eat, carrying him around, reading to him, playing with him and the spare moment he deigns to play inside his playpen or go to sleep is toilet/shower breaks for me and a little private time for the adults.

Unlike doppy who surfs and plays online games every night for an hour or so before he goes to sleep, I am way too lazy to power up my computer. I wd rather go to sleep with a book in hand or on days when I feel like drifting off to sleep real fast, read Twilight on my phone.

And hence .. the dearth of posts.

As for doppy's blogging absence, believe it or not, for the first time in his adult life, he actually has work to do! *gasp* Nowadays I am the one who ims him and has to wait for 15min or sometimes even longer before he could reply me. Of course, he could be chatting with you guys instead (as he seemed to be pretty much in touch with all his friends and mine too!) but the fact remains that he has less time for me and even less for his MW or youtube videos.

So there.

Here is my second come-back post (hey! PJ and Darth Binky's blog languished for months on stretch, k? so don't judge me!) and hopefully, this time round I will be more consistent with my posts.

Seeing as how I will soon be going back to my part-time studies, that should not much of a problem. :)

Stay tuned.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's good to be young

I received a sms yesterday from my bil, wanting to share a piece of good news with me. At his Staff Retreat, he was presented with the school outstanding contribution award, individual category.

I was really happy for him and told him that it was good that his hard work was recognised. More importantly, it showed that his school thought highly of him and treat their staff right for he has indeed been given many responsibilities as a young BT and he had cheerily taken on all the jobs and did his best in them.

Good work should always be affirmed and everyone likes to be appreciated once in a while. It's not even about the monies or recognition. Sometimes, a simple email of thanks will work as well (eg: my boss who bothered to at least thank me for all the legwork I had to do for a seminar that we were organising even though she was on leave) just to let one know that someone knows and see all the shite one has to do and you recognise that though it's well within one's job-scope to do it, it nevertheless requires time and effort on one's part.

What does this post have to do with youth? *shrug* But I tend to think that the older one gets, the more experience makes one jaded and cynical. And so we must remind ourselves that there are still young ones out there who are willing to give their all and we should not discourage them in any way.

Back to seeking audience with my KGB.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Late Bloomer

I did not use to understand women's weakness for bags and shoes.

I am the sorta gal who has like 1 pair of shoe and 1 bag for 1 kinda activity. So I have a bag for work, a bag for going out, a bag for clubbing, a bag for sports and that was it.

Evidently, I am a late bloomer.

While waiting for friends for dinner last night (unlike some of my friends who blames me for their purchases when they buy something while waiting for me, I take full responsibility for my weakness :P), I stumbled upon Lulu's flagship store at Holland Road Shopping Centre.

image

I have honestly never heard of this brand. I was drawn into the shop by the products on display.

What started out as window shopping eventually caused some damage to doppy's pockets. He has been meaning to get me a bag for the longest of time (my hubby is sweet and dorky like this ... he sometimes just feels like buying me something out of the blue but because he is so clueless about what I would like that he would rather not risk giving me a surprise and would ask me to pick out something for myself instead) and so last night he paid for my first Lulu bag without batting an eyelid.

I said first for I foresee that my weakness for this bag will only grow. There was more than one bag that spoke to me and I really like the design. Perhaps I should start my own little collection of Lulu bags so that friends would not need to tear their hair out each year when it comes to my birthday or Christmas. *wide grin*

Remember to gush over my bag the next time you see me, k?

P.S. Einna, I don't wanna hear that it was silly of me to pay a premium price for something that is sold in the pharmacies in Australia. Do standby to be my supplier though once I get around to figuring out whether the bags are cheaper in Australia than in Singapore. :)

Monday, September 29, 2008

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence

The common saying – “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” is supposed to be a warning against overly idealizing the unknown and thinking that the situation you are in is horrible and that there is an alternative where you’ll be much better off, whereas in reality, the people on the other side of the fence are also similarly thinking that your side is the greener side.

Honestly speaking, I think this is a retarded saying.

Obviously, the grass HAS to be greener on one or the other side of the fence. Unless they are EXACTLY equally green and even then, that is statistically impossible if you measure “green-ness” on a continuous scale.

If you try to be clever and say, well it’s just a saying, obviously you’re not supposed to take it at its literal value, I would say you’re wrong. Obviously you’re supposed to read it literally, otherwise why do so many people keep saying it? If you don’t take it at its value, then its like saying you should base your life decisions on something that may or may not be true, depending on the situation. How does one decide then?

Therefore, I deduce that this is a saying invented by people on the side of the fence where the grass is greener, to convince those on the side where the grass is not green to stay there. After all, if too many people are in on a luxury, it no longer becomes a luxury.


If you’re applying the saying to life, obviously one decision is always better than the other in terms of some form of criteria. One job will pay higher than the other but take up more time. In this case, you must decide what green-ness refers to, the pay or the time taken. If you value higher pay, the one with the higher pay has greener grass, but perhaps, to muddle the saying further, the weeds are longer.

After all, how did the grass get greener to begin with? Shit has to happen for grass to be greener.
:)

Monday, September 15, 2008

Childbirth and its costs

So we were walking around after dinner with AD and Sotong this evening and we decided to pop by one of the infant and mothercare shops to share some of our "knowledge" (or personal bias in most cases :P ) and "educate" the soon-to-be parents on the things they need and what they should watch out for when buying some of those things. It still amazes me to think how far we've come, Lovebell and I. We were helped greatly by PJ and Darth, of course, but nevertheless, I am sometimes still amazed at the amount of experience points we have gained and the amount of knowledge we have gained as well. From breast pumps to steam bottle sanitisers, from prams to cots, we have spent a large amount of time and energy to learn what is what, and which items are the most value for money that we *should* get for baby XP.

Anyway, back to tonight.

The shop we walked into was a very *atas* one located in great world city, whose main clientele is rich FTs and the upper class of Singapore. The prams on sale ranged from a "low end" price of $350 to the other end of $2k. Cots sold were all close to $1.5k to $2k. In contrast, the pram XP sits in costs just above $200, and the cot he sleeps in costs just above $500.

Whenever I walk into one of these high end shops, I usually feel 2 emotions simultaneously.
  1. Astonishment - I am stunned and astonished at the amount of money people will pay for such things, especially when it seems foolish to plow that sort of money into things that will only be used for such a short period of time.
  2. Envy - Yet I can't help but wish that I could afford these things too. I envy their ability to spend without thinking twice. It's the whole "damn Joneses have it, so we better darn get ourselves one too" sort of mentality.
I have since realised that emotion 1 is closely related to emotion 2. Because I can't afford it, I naturally feel astonished at their propensity to purchase. However, to the rich person, buying a $2k pram for his son would be analogous to me buying a $2 rattle for my baby. After all, the really poor would be tsk-ing away at that too, since a rattle is nothing but a noise maker, and you could make one out of an old tin can and some beans.

So I shouldn't feel astonished at their spending habits. What's a $2k pram when they drive a $300k car and live in $5m homes? It's all part of their wealthy lifestyle.

What I should feel, and this requires a little bit more thought beyond the id emotions of envy and jealousy (hah, Freud! ) is my own joy and my love for my family. While I may not afford the $2k pram, I can afford the $200 one, and I will strive to provide that so that XP has a chair to sit in when we go for walks. While I can't afford the spa package for my wife to lose weight after delivery, I can support her in her exercise efforts and encourage her in my own ways.

I know this post sounds like I am trying to rationalise to myself, and perhaps my ego needs this post to manage my own feelings (hah! more Freud). Oh well, so be it.

What I don't understand, is why these feelings are particularly strong for things that pertain to XP. It's like I want a nice big TV for myself and I've been dreaming about one for the longest of time, but I have managed to hold off buying it for so long now, because I can rationalise to myself that the existing TV works fine, the cost is too high, I can spend it on other things, etc, etc. But when it comes to things for XP, I will always feel this sense of guilt when I see other parents buying good stuff for their children, and XP has to "make do" with his cheap things.

When it comes to buying things for Lovebell, I will ask her "why in the world do you need so many handbags?" but yet I will also be the one gladly paying for her if it is something she really likes. So why the different treatment for XP?

Is it because I grew up in a middle income family that doesn't believe in buying things for their children because, well, they never got any gifts when they were kids?

In any case, XP looks happy, Lovebell is happy, and so I am happy too.

Happy Mid Autumn Festival...

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Promised Post

Yes, yes, I know. I have not kept up with my promise to blog more. Obviously, I do not have enough work to do for I am most prolific when I have work to do on the computer. I am guessing that all should be seeing a little more blogging from me for I have recently been tasked to summarise a 100 page report which I have not managed to bribe doppy to do for me.

So anyway, I have been 'inspired' to blog after reading einna's hilarious post about her trip back to Singapore (*hint hint for more posts!*). And of course, doppy's posts kinda reminded me that I am missing out logging this part of my life since I hardly put my thoughts down anywhere else besides my blog. So here goes my random ramblings (yet again!) about my most mudane life. :)

First up, I am reading a most interesting book (more about our son later lah!). It's A.C. Grayling's "The Heart of Things: Applying Philosophy to the 21st Century". I have always had a keen interest in philosophy and you will not be hard pressed to find a number of books on philosophy on our bookshelves (yes, they are all mine. Doppy's interest doesn't quite extend to philo though he does know a few names when he needs to quote one theory or another). The key thing that made me pick this book up (besides the subject matter and rave reviews it got) was that it was a collection of short essays. I have realised that nowadays I am unable to finish a book in one sitting due to both a lack of time and attention span. Short stories and essays are just about all I can read without dozing off halfway. And so far, I am enjoying this book. Just to share an excerpt from a chapter on monogamy as food for thought:

"How many readers of these words has had only one sexual partner? How many have been faithful during the course (note:every) relationship they have had? Suppose you have been married for twenty years and never once in the at time 'cheated' on your spouse. Still, did you have lovers before then? If, which heaven forfend, your partner were to die or leave, would you not hope to start another relationship at some point? A single 'yes' to any of these questions makes you a polygamist, in the real meaning of the term. And a good thing too.

Those five last words are best not misconstrued. Polygamy - or let us call it non-monogamy, as a more general and neutral term, meaning 'having more than one partner during the course of a life' - is good because it widens and deepens experience in an area whose health is essential to the life well lived. It might mean having more than one simultaneous partner, but it need not and quite often it is better not. Until people have learned not to entangle their domestic projects - home building, having children - with their sexual affinities, with the result that interruptions of the latter typically mean destruction of the former, it might even be better to restrict synchronicities to very limited periods, if at all; as for example when a new relationship supersedes an old one (an inevitability when couples who started together when young have since grown apart: older and wiser couples make stronger bonds). There is good reason to suspect that the best kinds of sexual and emotional relationships are those in which there is sufficient mutuality and exclusivity to allow deep understanding to evolve; how often people utter the cliche, no less profoundly true for being one, that the best sex is the sex you have with the one you really love. And this implies that the best relationships are post-polygamous monogamies voluntarily chosen by those in them." (p.53-54)

On that note, I have been most disturbed recently to find indeed in this day and age, monogamy, even in a marriage, is a rare commodity. The first shocker came for me when I realised that an acquaintance of mine was apparently the third party in another's marriage. The second came in the form of a husband-to-be cheating on his wife-to-be with another woman and now contemplating if he should go ahead with the marriage. And I guess it was these happenings that I observed and many more that convinced me of the writer's argument above about monogamy. I still remember doppy and I ridiculously proclaiming that we were not in an exclusive relationship when we were both pretty conservative and traditional people at heart (i.e. we were mostly incapable of dating one person and going out with someone else). And of course now that we are in a marriage, I have never for a moment taken our commitment to monogamy for granted. One of the best pieces of advice that was given to me was by Einna who told that I should never for a moment, trust that doppy would never cheat on me. Her advice was not meant to cause mistrust in my marriage, but rather as a reminder for me never to take him for granted (in the mistaken belief that he would never cheat on me with another woman or god forbid, that no other women would want him [yes, yes, this is a real ego-boost for him]). In a similar vein, I have also never failed to remind him that I am definitely capable of cheating on him (and more likely to get away with it than he would) and thus never to take the monogamous nature of our relationship for granted. In this modern day where the stigma of a divorce is significantly less destructive than ever before and there are a million and one reasons for extra-marital affairs, there is nothing in a marriage contract (especially if one is not of a religious background) that would ensure monogamy. Ultimately, it is a choice that must be made by the two people in the marriage because their shared experiences and commitment to each (you can see that I am avoiding the L word for that is so difficult to pin down beyond an indescribable feeling) tell them that the marriage is so much more worth having than that fling or new relationship they want to have.

And this brings me finally to my daily struggle. Each morning, I would wake up and the first thing I would do after freshening up would be to go check on XP and to give him a good morning kiss. Thereafter, I would carry him to our bed so that he could kiss? slobber over? his dad before I would return him to F while I continue to get ready for work. Doppy has (jokingly?) remarked on more than one occasion that our son is now more important than him (yes yes, we have all established that he can be rather petty. But when one greets you with a beatific smile upon seeing you and the other greets you with droppy eyelids which refuse to open, the choice seems rather clear, doesn't it?). And each day, I have to ask myself, who do I prioritise? Is it my ever-so-adorable son (alright, alright, I will get around to posting some pics of him soon so that you might share in my adoration!) or my ever-so-loving husband? After all with this new addition to the family, there is no corresponding increase in the amount time I have in a day. Of course, my new posting has given me much more time that I used to have when I was a teacher (and don't ask me what it is exactly that I do; I am still in the process of outlining my job description) but it remains that I only have that many hours left in a day after I get back from work. When previously all I did after a day of work was to come home to doppy and spend time with him, I now feel torn between my duty as a mother and my duty as a wife. Strangely enough, the husbands/fathers never seem to experience this dilemma. I believe that it is a somewhat, more-or-less, self-inflicted conflict that a wife/mother imposes on herself. On one hand, I think I should be spending every available moment I have with xp in order to bond with him and nurture him (especially when I am already gone for the most part of the day and leaving him in the care of someone else). On the other hand, I also think that I should nurture my relationship with doppy in order to provide xp with a loving and secure environment to grow up in. After all, I would not want him to grow up with parents who hardly speak with each other or worse, who lead or perhaps, in the worst case scenario, live separate lives.

Does that mean that ultimately, xp is still my priority? Does this mean that once a kiddo comes into the picture, one's spouse takes a back seat till the kiddo is capable of taking care of (kid)self? Is it wrong of me to leave my son with my help to go out for an evening of clubbing and soccer-watching the next night with my hubby? How does one ration the finite time and energy one has fairly? Can it ever be quantified?

I guess at the end of the day there is no right or wrong answer. And I guess there is no one answer for everyone. Ultimately, I think it boils down to communication between the couple so that each others' needs and expectations could be negotiated and re-negotiated and eventually be met. Thus far, doppy is still quite forthcoming and honest with me about his feelings and also rather understanding towards me. Nevertheless, I must remember I am merely the earth who revolves around the moon and the moon eventually revolves around the sun which is not me (a rather nice analogy that doppy drew for me). And so I must not forget that eventually when XP leaves the meowmeow litter, it is doppy who will stay with me for the rest of my lazy days and hence I must not forget to nurture our relationship for its own sake.

Doppy is remarking that no one will have the patience (or interest) to read such a long post and so I shall end this post here. I will be back with more thoughts of mine to share! :)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Ramblings

Ever wonder why people even read the MMF's blog? I mean, all 5 of you know us in real life, and we meet most of you on a regular basis where we chat about all our daily going-ons anyway (cept for einna in Sydneyland I'm sorry..)

But what is it about the blog that keeps you guys coming back?

Is it the mundane-ness of our lives that gives you a sense of superiority over us? (Oh, I went to the club last night and boinged three women, see how much more happening I am compared to Dop who spent his day choosing a music video to put on his website..)

Or is it the sense that your lives are just as boring as ours and reading it helps you to accept the fact that other people live incredibly boring lives as well and that therefore you're normal? (Oh look, Dop is choosing which book to buy at the warehouse sale! How exciting!)

Ok, before I piss everyone off, I'm honestly really just curious. :P

At least lovebell writes posts that are reflective and captures her emotions and the blog acts like a journal for her to record down some of the more happening events in our lives, but I just post rubbish. :)

And incidentally, I just wrote that entire post with a faux working class English accent in my head cos I spent the whole afternoon watching Top Gear.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Simple thoughts

Last night Lovebell and I got to talking about how long it's been since we had a holiday. Our trip to Seoul was in Dec 2006, and it's been 18 months since we went anywhere.

But since we both started new jobs, I don't have any leave to take this year, and I'm guessing Lovebell wouldn't want to take any either, so the earliest we can plan a holiday is likely to be June next year.

Instead, I suppose this post will be about the simple pleasures in life, and how I should remind myself to take pleasure in them.

Recent simple pleasures:
Watching Ah Pong smile at me and play with me yesterday
Having a quiet chat with Lovebell over dinner
Having beer with friends on a Friday night
Enjoying durian in front of the TV last night
Watching an exciting movie over the weekend
Coffee

I have been telling myself that I need to do this job for the pay, so that XP can have a better future, but I reckon that's an unrealistic motivation, as it will only be effective at and right after payday. In the meantime, I will use these simple pleasures to keep me going. Things like going home to my family, and walking in the garden downstairs with them in the evening.

A job is just a job, a family is forever.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Why you should never complain about your company » Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk

The title of this article is misleading ... or rather ... it is true but there is more to it than just about not bitching about our company. An interesting read. Spare a few moments and ponder over the points raised. Do you think they are valid?

Why you should never complain about your company » Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk

Why you should never complain about your company

I am trying to figure out what is the right kind of guy for me to be dating now that I’m getting a divorce. As an incorrigible go-getter — with all things I do — I am getting a jump start on dating. So if it’s offensive to you that I’m dating before I’m divorced, you should probably stop reading. But I want to warn you that you are probably from the same contingent of people who do not approve of looking for a job from your current job, and I’ve got news for you: Everyone’s doing it. Both.

At first I thought I should be dating people who are recently divorced. You know, shared experience. So I went out with this guy who was married for sixteen months, and his wife is getting about three million dollars in the settlement. Of course he is very upset about the whole thing. But mostly because he thinks she’s crazy.

My alarms go off immediately. I think he might be crazy. Because, as my divorce lawyer says, “A ten never marries a one.” Which is to say that you get what you are.

I ask my date why he’s so upset that she’s getting three million. Because, after all, he earned way more than that while he was with her. (Yes, true.)

He says that she is a raving alcoholic and he didn’t know that when he married her.

Then he orders his second Jack and Ginger.

I have had so few drinks in my life that I don’t even know what Jack and Ginger is.

But here’s what happens: We go out on one date, and I drink. It only takes me about a half a glass of wine to be way more easy-going and flirty than I could ever manage if I were sober. And he asks me out again.

On the next date, he has four beers and I don’t drink, and it is obvious to me that things are not going well.

And it is also obvious to me that he will marry another alcoholic. He likes that in a girl.

But he still complains that he can’t believe he married someone who is so unstable. I can’t believe he doesn’t see what marrying that person says about him. I do not tell him that people who have four drinks on every date marry alcoholics. I do tell him, “A ten does not marry a one.”

The wisdom falls on dead ears.

But I know this is true because after our marriage counseling ended up in our divorce, I went back to the marriage counselor to understand why I chose my husband in the first place. Really, all the things I loved about my husband when we got married are still there. I just need to understand why, of all the things I could love in a person, I picked those to marry. There are millions of reasons to marry someone, really, like that the person is a genius (my husband) or that the person is fun when drunk (definitely not my husband).

It’s easy to judge other people for what they pick. But to be honest, all reasons have their pluses and minuses and we’d do best just to understand why we do what we do. My friend married a woman because she had little world experience and he could show her what he knew. Lame, right? But the marriage is working. And another friend married someone because he’s the male version of Mother Theresa. Great, right? But the marriage fell apart because in the end, she wanted someone to pay attention to her, not save the world.

So I try to not complain about my husband because there’s a lot that is good about him. I try instead to focus on how to be better at understanding myself. Because who you pick to be around says a lot about who you are.

And this is true for a lot of areas in life. Like, look at your friends. Good-looking people hang out with good-looking people. And who you hang out with is so influential on you that fat friends make you fat.

It’s true at work, too. A former boss used to tell me that you should always hire A players because one B player brings everyone down – teams perform to their lowest performer. I think that’s true. I also think that when an A sees a B on the team, the A doesn’t want to come.

So if you are complaining that you are in an office with people who are terrible at what they do, ask yourself why. And instead of broadcasting that you chose to be with terrible people, do some self-reflection and figure out why, so you don’t do it again.

It’s very hard to avoid duplicating the same mistake over and over again – that’s why most second marriages fail, and that’s why people who work at lame companies generally make their next move to another lame company. But if you are really honest about your own responsibility for choosing lameness, then you are less likely to choose it again.

Now, if I can only get as good at choosing dates as I am at choosing companies….

Why you should never complain about your company » Brazen Careerist by Penelope Trunk

Punctuality Counts - Stepcase Lifehack

In this day and age when almost everyone is contactable on the go, we have all become a little less responsible especially when it comes to the matter of keeping time on date.

I am guilty on quite a number of occasions in dashing off a hurried (and harried) sms to inform friends that I am running late for our date. The reasons are run-of-the-mill - I missed the bus (yes!! I do still take public transport, you know!), Underestimated the time I needed to change and make-up (ok, ok, this is a rare one but I do use it when I am meeting up for a 'cheong' night), Sorry ... overslept! (especially if it's a breakfast date) and of course ... Traffic's a killer!.

Of course, none of these reasons are valid ones. I should know better by now to think that the bus would come within 15min. I should have planned my attire the night before and I do know how long it would take me to put on my make-up. I already set my alarm clock 15min faster than real time so really, there is no reason for oversleeping except my lazy self which insists on sleeping in for that extra 5min. Last but not least, tis not like it's my first day in Singapore ... surely I should know the peak hours by now!

I used to get really annoyed at people who would message me at 6.25pm to tell me that they would be late for our 6.30pm date. And tis not even like they were in the vicinity and were trying to find a parking lot or something. I mean, surely you would have realised by 6pm that you were not going to make it at 6.30pm if you were still more than half-an-hour away, wouldn't you?

Gradually though, I began to turn into one of those people. Most of the time, it was due to unforeseen circumstances at work such as meetings that do not end on time or being waylaid by urgent (not necessarily important though) work that needs attending to.

One of the consistently punctual person I know (and who hates people who are perpetual latecomers) is of course doppy. I live in fear of being late for a date with him especially if he was waiting in the car to pick me up. His grace period for me is usually about 5min. Anything beyond that, I better have a darn good reason as to why I could not keep time else he would turn his wrath on me.

But now that we have a baby who operates on his own internal clock that is completely out-of-sync with ours, it shall get harder to make promises to be on time.

Nevertheless, I still think that punctuality counts. And I shall strive to do my best not to be late ... if I can help it. :)

 

Punctuality Counts

Punctuality Counts

Punctuality shows mastery

Punctuality shows competence

Punctuality shows integrity

Punctuality shows you value people

Punctuality shows you value yourself

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Life is ...

10% black, 10% white and 80% grey. We can choose to see the grey as being made up of black or choose to see that there is white with black in the grey.

Heard this while breastfeeding in front of the telly where Oprah was interviewing the lecturer who gave the last lecture of his life. A very astute observation, I thought, and a rather valid point made too.

He also made another observation.

People who are optimists tend to have others who would be very happy to lend a helping hand when they are in trouble. People who only see the bad side of things and wallow in self-pity, others would still help when they are in trouble, but they would be walking to offer their help rather than running to do so as they would for the first group.

And I have arrived at the same conclusion from my own observations too. I think it is only human's nature that we tend to be drawn to people who are positive and optimistic rather than people who give out negative energy. Case in point would definitely be PJ and Darth Binky. I have always envied them for the good friends they have in their lives who would always be there for them. Being their friends, I have also come to realise that it is their positivity that people are drawn to. It is not that their lives are more smooth-sailing than the rest of ours or that they have less troubles. Rather, it is the fact that they face everything with good cheer and the people around them just cannot help but want to offer their assistance to them when needed. It is also their winsome and charming way of accepting (or rejecting) help unreservedly that makes people comfortable with offering their help with no fear of offending them or rendering unwanted assistance.

At the end of the day, to quote the professor, we should all choose to be 'Tigger' in life. CHOOSE to see that there is white in grey; CHOOSE to see that the glass is half full rather than half empty; CHOOSE to count the blessings in our lives rather than the misfortunes; CHOOSE to spend our lives celebrating rather than mourning; CHOOSE to live and others will live with you.

Monday, April 28, 2008

My Chinese has really gone to hell ...

Our Ah-Yi wrote a real sweet and poetic email to us.

lovebell、doppy你们好:

请原谅我迟到的祝福和感谢!

lovebell辛苦了!生产过程顺利吗?痛不痛?我知道lovebell是一个特别勇敢坚强的女生,但看到你幸福笑容后的疲惫我还是忍不住心疼地流泪,要是能在你们身边照顾该有多好!哪怕只是给你熬点汤也是一种安慰呀.可惜...

小家伙长得真大,虽然体重正常但四肢显然比其他的初生儿要长,尤其是那双眼睛,又长又吊,好象京剧里的丹凤眼呢.乍看较象lovebell,过不了几天,你们两人的优点都会显示出来了,满月时给我们寄云天的正面特写吧,要大大的哦.

我已准备了几本亲子教育的书籍,到时带来.

祝lovebell体健康恢复!

祝doppy做个好爸爸!

祝云天象春天的小树一样茁壮成长!

阿姨

This is my pathetic response after composing at the comp for 2 hours!!!

亲爱的阿姨,

感谢您的祝福!请原谅我迟到的电邮。自从有了小家伙后,我的时间已不再受我控制,而是绕着他的哭声与喂奶的时间,想好好地回您的电邮,都难得找到时间。

宝宝于我都还好。宝宝的胃口像足他爸爸,每两三个小时,都会要喂奶。他性子也急,小肚子饿时,是不能等的。我的人奶的生产量如今还不够,所以必不得已,我们还得泡奶给他喝,满足他的需求量。幸亏我们聘请了一位很有经验的陪月夫人来给我做月。她不但是把小家伙照顾的无微不至,也把我的身体调养得比我生产前更好。

小xp不愧是个有主张的小伙子。我们原本是定在四月十六日,要将他催生出来(因为它的体重已经越来越来重,若不催生的话,恐怕就得开刀)。怎料,四月十五日早上,他就等得不耐烦,自己决定要出来探索这个世界,逼得我们夫妇俩,提早一天进医院。到了医院,医生给我检查后,发现小家伙已在我体内开始排泄。若是我坚持要自然生产的话,倒也不是不行,只不过因为他的头在腹内还是相当高,自然生产的话,恐怕得花很长的时间。但因为他已经开始排泄了,自然生产的时间不能拖太久,否则宝宝会有生命危险,所以我们俩最后还是决定开刀,剖腹将他接生。

小家伙就这样,在四月十五日,上午十一点四十分,被接生了。doppy在第一时间看到他,而我却得等到下午四时才看到我们的宝贝。第一次看到他的时候,还真不敢相信他真的在我腹中,生存了九个月。看到他的睡的甜滋滋的样子与doppy对他充满爱心的微笑,顿时也百感交集,觉得一切的辛苦与担心,是值得的。

我们俩还在努力向陪月夫人学习怎么照顾这小瓜。doppy对他更是疼爱有加。以前的他要是听到婴儿哭闹的声音,总会觉得烦不胜烦。现在的他,一听到小云天的哭声,就会第一时间跑进房里,安慰他,抚摸他。他看到我努力设法喂奶的情景,也非常的心疼我,时不时也会鼓励我,给我支持,帮我打气。我也因此没有气馁,虽然生产量还是不足,但能给小家伙多少人奶,我就尽量。

我们也很希望爸爸与您能在这儿,抱一抱小xp。我常对他说,他的名字是xxx,而这个名字是爷爷帮他取得,希望他以后长大成人时,性情义薄云天,能做个重情重义的大丈夫。

盼望你们早日到新来,看看这小家伙,让他感受到你们的爱。 :)

祝身体健康。

And no one is to tell me that I made spelling, grammatical or expression errors! Cut me some slack! She's a professor at an university; I have not written Chinese seriously for a decade or so! That email has sapped all my brain juices. Me thinks it's time for a nap! :)

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Fear Hierarchy, by Jan Pettit

 

Fears: Ranked from childhood through parenthood

(with thanks to Ray Federman)

1. Fear of the dark

Under the bed.
Inside the closet.
Between leap and landing (floor to bed).
(Related) Long arm reaching out from under bed.

2. Fear of separation

Lost in a crowd (accidental).
Lost in a crowd (on purpose).
Lost in the woods (either).

3. Fear of abandonment

Parents dying.
Parents divorcing.
One parent moving.
Parents remarrying.

4. Fear of wicked stepparent
5. Fear of pee accidents

In school.
In bed.
In friend’s bed.

6. Fear of bras

Needing one.
Not needing one.
Anyone looking closely enough to know.

7. Fear of menstrual period

Getting it.
Not getting it.
Surprise attack.

8. Fear of embarassment

Wrong clothes.
Wrong hair.
Wrong glasses.
Wrong body.
Wrong mother.

9. Fear of Getting Pregnant
10. Fear of rejection

By friends.
By boyfriend.
By colleges.

11. Fear of being found out
12. Fear of not getting work

Not paying student loans.
Not paying bills.

13. Fear of selling out

Deserting dreams.
Embracing capitalism.

14. Fear of the dark (continued)

Parking lots at night.
Deserted streets at night.
Apartments at night.
Houses at night.
Bedrooms at night.

15. Fear of rejection (continued)

By lovers.
By bosses.
By friends.

16. Fear of being unloved
17. Fear of being unlovable
18. Fear of having married the wrong person
19. Fear of not getting pregnant
20. Fear of mortality

Parents’ mortality.
Spouse’s mortality.
Signs of mortality.
Cancer.

21. Fear of childbirth
22. Fear of losing a child

To crib death.
To falling down stairs.
To a head injury.
To bathtub.
To a bicycle accident.
To a car accident.
To a playground accident.
To a freak accident.
To pneumonia.
To cancer.
To a thousand kinds of cancer.
To a pedophile.
To a kidnapper.
To a babysitter.
To a stranger.
To a tick bite.
To a bad heart.
To thin ice.
To a swimming pool.
To falling rocks.
To drugs.
To gun violence.
To poor judgment.
To sport.
To a dare.
To driving.
To driving drunk.
To heartbreak.
To childbirth.

—Jan Pettit

Fear Hierarchy, by Jan Pettit